Published November 30, 2007
If only there was such a way,
For him to know my heart
How desperately my weary soul longs
For us to never be apart
But the most unbearable of heartaches,
And the endless flood of tears,
My agonizing desire for him,
Spills over in my prayers
I'm quite fatigued of my aching soul,
Worn of my rain-filled lullabies
I'm done with attempting to share with him life,
And I'm replacing it with my goodbyes.
Haven't I told her every possible way?
By now you'd think she'd know.
How ardently I beg that God,
Would deliver me from my woe
The suffering from all my passion for her,
As a caged young lark loves her sky
Never shall I quit my life's pursuit,
For sooner I'd choose to die.
But still it ails me, as cancer to flesh,
Of your seeing me as just a friend.
'Till you see me as I've always seen you,
This turmoil shall never find an end.
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140,914 Literary Works • 673,732 Reviews
Wow. Very nice work!
I think I know exactly how you feel
-Keep writing
Genevieve
xxx
Good work, and welcome to the site.
This was pretty good. I think it would be cooler if you had a reoccurring theme (like she says something almost the same as she does). The rhyming was pretty effective, and I only have one other suggestion:
Firstly, the rhythm doesn't go too well with the rest of the poem (in my opinion). And secondly, the rest of the poem is in third person (he/she) and this line is in second (you). To fix both problems, I suggest you delete the 'my'
I hope this helps... I'm not very expirienced in poetry, so it might not mean anything to you. ^_^
PM me if you have questions/comments!
~Azila~