z

Young Writers Society


12+

My Story Bio

by Catnip


After the death of her beloved father, Sophia Loveridge is doomed to travel from one abusive home to the next with her sporadic mother who is trying to fix the breaks in her heart with new loves. With her mother seeming to pay her little to no consequence, Sophia is plagued with oceans of cookie-cutter “daddy-figures” who aren’t always what they seem, while all she really wants is her father back, and to forget the shadow of guilt that looms over her concerning his end.

Once again Sophia is forced to live under the same roof as one of her mother’s new boyfriends, but this time it is a man far more frightening than any of the past; a man who petrifies her heart with fear every time she sees the secrets hidden in his eyes. But even threaded between the sorrow of her past and the terror of her future, there are a few loose seams of happiness that she has never experienced before now—the boy in the forest.

Her mother sets off yet again with another anonymous man, only this time leaving Sophia behind to fend under the “protection” of her new stepfather. As memories of the past haunt her, the paranormal melodies from her childhood begin summoning her into the forest’s depths as they once did. Stuck in the center of an hourglass with her stepfather pressing down on her from above, and the swallowing sands of love and betrayal beneath her, time is running out for her to make her escape before something unspeakable happens.

Can the love of the mysterious boy who watches her from her window rescue her, or will she learn to stand on her own two legs and save herself before it’s too late?

And if she can endure, will his secrets kill her instead?

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11 Reviews

Points: 1066
Reviews: 11

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Sun May 26, 2013 6:53 pm
Johann wrote a review...



Hello Catnip, I'm here to give you my opinion and I hope that you won't mind me being a little more critical that my previous fellow reviewers.

First I must that your story sounds like the presentation of a very interesting novel. And I'm serious I think you could turn this plot into a novel.

There are some things that I don't really understand.

First, this part

With her mother seeming to pay her little to no consequence
I don't think that you should have used the word "consequence". It might be an English idiom but for non native speakers like me it's very confusing. I think the word "attention" fits better.

Second, shouldn't here
to live under the same roof as one of her mother’s
"with" instead of "as"?

And third,
petrifies her heart with fear
this creates a great dramatic moment but the part "with fear" ruins it a bit. Maybe you should eliminate it.

Now I have a little problem with the last paragraph and more precisely with this part
the love of the mysterious boy
. Now I don't know who considers the boy mysterious. If Sophia does, then how does she know that he loves her? If she know that he loves her then he is no mystery to her. If however it is the society (people around them) considering him mysterious then maybe you shouldn't reveal their relationship just yet. I think you should clear up this part, maybe even eliminate "the love" at all.

I like the plot and I believe that you should continue to write it because it has the potential to become a very interesting story and you certainly have the talent to write it.




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171 Reviews

Points: 872
Reviews: 171

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Sun May 26, 2013 2:46 am
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SecreteJournalist wrote a review...



Its SecreteJournalist reviewing for the blue team! Capitalization, punctuation, grammar, its all there! I did not exactly understand the single quotation mark, but that's fine I guess. I basically find this flawless. It has a lot for such a short bio. If I had to choose a favorite part, it would most likely be the boy in the forest. Me and my friends always hang out in the forest, so its relate-able. But anyway, this bio is great! Since I follow everyone I review, consider yourself followed. Sorry for the short review. Happy review day by the way! Good luck with your writing, I do enjoy reading it




Catnip says...


Thanks so much ^-^ (and yay blue team)



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7 Reviews

Points: 665
Reviews: 7

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Sat May 25, 2013 7:44 am
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gianinepantig wrote a review...



Hi^^I'm a kid and not too good at reviews but I must say I think the plot is good though I don't really write this stories but I do write a lil kiddie story but I I think it really is good^^
Most of all I like the thing that you have written those "And if she can endure, will his secrets kill her instead?" I like thrills like that^^Good Job though^^




Catnip says...


Thanks so much, sweetheart c:




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