Isolated alone and nowhere else to go, she sat there like a statue and stared at the cracked wall whose white paint had turned yellow.There was a picture of a small boy on that old wall- grotesque and eerie. Her gaze slowly shifted to the picture. She smiled and closed her eyes. Memories, bitter sweet memories.
The door slowly creaked open and in came Martha, her servant.
“Madam, Mr. Charles is here to see you.”
Mrs. Nova opened her eyes and looked straight at Martha. She could see the disappointment in her face. She smiled weakly and nodded her head in approval. And in no time Mr. Charles came strutting in.
“I am very sorry to inform you ma’am that your son is nowhere to be seen. We have searched the whole of New York City but in vain. “ He felt extremely guilty but tried real hard to control all his feelings. Mrs. Nova looked straight into his eyes. Those dark green eyes had a special sparkle that she had always admired in him. She stood up and walked towards the picture.
“His name is Percy. I remember how he hated and called himself a monster. And he actually thought I didn’t want him. So he ran away”, she smiled and spoke after a long pause. “I have always loved him. He might be that ugly, foolish person he thinks he is, but to me he is always my hero. I just don’t want him to hide from me.” Tears rolled down her cheeks. She smiled at Charles. He couldn’t stand there any longer.
“I am sure he will come back. But now if you don’t mind, I really have to leave. I am very sorry Ma’am.” He slowly walked towards the door.
“A town police is such a respectable job. I will be very proud if he is a police. Like you.” Mrs. Nova screamed. Charles froze. He turned back and looked at Mrs. Nova. He suppressed a smile and quickly walked away.
A mother knows her son well. So how long are you going to hide from me, Charles? I cannot sit here alone in this deserted town. Please Charles, come home.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hey CatherinKanya! On a mission in the Green Room tonight, so I’m here to review your short story!
I will review as I read so it makes a lot more sense to both me and you.
I would put a full stop after “Isolated, alone and nowhere else to go” It’s a powerful first sentence and instantly makes me intrigued about what I’m going to read next.
I like the speech you’ve put in. It feels very natural which is a very hard thing to do!
Where you describe a person as a town police - it doesn’t quite make sense to me. Surely, you would describe them as being as a policeman, a policewoman or a police officer. I don’t think one person can be referred to as ‘police’?
Oh wow! What a fantastic twist! I loved this - and think you could definitely have the potential of expanding it into something longer! What do you think?
Good luck! I look forward to reading some more of your stuff soon.
Feel free to drop me a PM if you have any questions.
Olive <3
Hey there,
Dreamy here to review. So, you have a very good storyline. And like all the writers you got the same problem. You got the start, the middle and the end. But there is just no flesh. And the end too was confusing. I didn't understand what you were trying to say. Are Charles and Percy the same person? Or is Charles remembering his mother when he ran away from his house too? So these are the things which you need to lay it out as a writer.
As in for the short story, this just seemed very short. Though that's the point of short stories, but what I'm trying to say is that, you could have made it more descriptive or included more incidents in order to make the readers get a strong grip to the story. And as in for the end, you need to make it clear. This kind of thing happened to me a lot. So you don't have to worry. Just relax for a while and think. Think of ways to make it even more griping and critic yourself.
Keep up the good work!
Keep writing!
Cheers
Hey there dreamy. Thank you for the review. Well I see that you are quite confused with the last line like I feared. The last lone that italicized is supposed to be the thought of Mrs. Nova. So obviously Charles and Percy are the same people. Charles is Nova's son. That explains his guilt and uneasiness. But I am sorry I couldn't really make it clear for the reader. I thought that would be clear enough. But I will sure work on improving the story.