It was April when it all began
On a freezing cold day
It was during this saga that I met a girl
A girl named April May
But don't be fooled by fairy tales
It was not love at first sight
It was a chance encounter
Brought upon by the prom night
First I asked sweet Abigail if she would come with me
"I'm sorry Tommy but I can't go
I'm far, far too busy"
So I asked Rolanda if she would come
She told me my idea was dumb
My last hope was Claire, and though it was far fetched
I had dreamed all along that she would be my catch
But I knew from her expression that the answer was no
She said sadly, "Bill already asked me to go."
So I sat on a bench in the cold that day
Until along came a girl
A girl named April May
With braces, with glasses
With really weird clothes
As well as a pimple jutting from her nose
She took a seat and proclaimed happily
"You know, Tom, you should go with me!"
And though I agreed reluctantly,
It began a new time in my life
It began the time when I fell in love
With my lovely future wife
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141,364 Literary Works • 674,381 Reviews
Aw, this was cute. For some reason it reminded me of The Night Before Christmas, it just has that sort of rhyme to it. And it wasn't a poem about one instance in time, and what the person is thinking, it tells a full story. Good job!
You had a couple spelling errors in the poem but that was pointed out. You really should fix them, they were annoying. I don't get annoyed over spelling a lot though. Also you need more detail. Poems your supposed to paint a picture and there was no picture painted here just a very rough sketch. Don't take this as an offense though.
That was so nice! However, there are a few mistakes I think you should patch up to make this an even greater poem.
I really enjoyed this poem.
1. During this line: "First I asked sweet Abigail if she would come with me
"I'm sorry Tommy but I can't go
I'm far, far too busy", the word, "busy" puts the emphasis on the first syllable, and it sounds off and doesn't flow with the sentence you were trying to rhyme it with.
2. Encounter is spelled with an "e", not an "i", and weird is spelled with an "ei", not an "ie"' sorry for being picky.
3. "She took a seat and proclaimed happily
"You know, Tom, you should go with me!"
And though I agreed reluctantly...". Reluctantly, happily, and me all rhyme, and it disrupts your pattern with lines 2 and 4 always rhyming. "Love" does not rhyme with "reluctantly", and I think from there the rhyming pattern was entirely messed up; I think it would be wise to tamper with that and fix it.
Will these small fixes, I think your poem will be even better. I hope your wife wasn't angry if she read this...haha
Thanks for the advice! Especially the spelling stuff... I'm awful at it without spellcheck! And this is actually a made up story, I just wanted to tell it from the first person because it makes rhyming easy. Sorry if that was misleading!