Ah; thankyou so much, Rosey.
II - Raindrop
She's being followed.
She can see them watching her as she walks along the rough cobblestones. She doesn’t want them to turn around; she doesn’t want them to know that she’s seen them, that she knows they’re looking at her. Paranoia grips her waist, pulling her violently into a vicious circle and twirling her round and round in a frenzied dance. Let me out. Let me out.
She’s crazy, how can she think like this?
She shakes her head to clear it of the poison and carries on walking. Just get home. Hurry up and just get home. Her paces are faster, jerkier. They know. They’re speeding up, jostling, laughing.
“Oi, Sarah!”
She deflects into an alleyway, and mentally slaps herself. She can now see the shadows unravelling out of tenebrous corners and twining themselves around her.
“Oh God.”
She says it out loud.
The shaft of light beaming out from the entrance of the alleyway obscures.
They’ve caught up.
They circle her like blood-thirsty vultures, overly eager to feast on their prey. She winces as she recognises the five boys cornering her. She struggles to put names to faces, but her mind blurs into a flurry of unintelligible words.
One of them approaches her – Tom? Harry? Michael?
He is tall and thin; when he looks at her his mouth curves in a disdainful smile. He stares at her enigmatically and she struggles to interpret his look. Scorn? Derision? Lust?
He says something and his friends explode into loud, raucous laughter. She knows that the joke is directed at her but she cannot hear it. Her ears are pounding with blood and...and...
Don’t panic. Don’t panic. Don’t-panic-don’t-panic-don’t-panic.
He slams an arm down on her trembling shoulder and she jumps. She feels fragile, breakable, as if she could be shattered into a million pieces.
“Hey Sarah. You know what I want?” More laughter barks out, weaving its way along the ridges of the tense atmosphere.
Her feet are rooted to the hard ground and her limbs have been paralysed. She can hear the wild sound of thunder, a cruel echo of dangerous beauty.
He traces a line down her arm and then his long, grasping hands start running down her body. A flash of lightening ripping through the darkening sky diverts him. She ducks and starts running blindly through the mean, sharp rain that stars to hit down on the crude stone. She gropes with her shaking hands along the walls, through the shadows.
She catches her foot on something and trips, falling headlong on the hard ground. Tears spurt into her eyes and she sees him crouch down beside her. Her face and ears start burning up and her face is throbbing with a strike that has not been dealt.
“Uh-oh! You’re clumsy, aren’t you?” he says in a low, scathing tone. He places a firm hand on her leg and begins to move it upwards. She lashes out, not looking to see whether she has made contact or not, and flees out of the alleyway and onto the street.
She runs and runs, uncaring of the rain soaking her clothes and the people staring. She bites her lip, the teeth piercing through a layer of soft pink skin. A crimson drop appears, stinging harshly as it hovers momentarily before making a quick descent. It mingles with the other raindrops running down her cheeks, translucent and clear. It doesn’t pollute them. It is too small to make enough of a difference.
She collapses on the curb, gasping for breath. She runs shaking fingers through her bedraggled hair, trying to make sense out of the network of strands intertwining and knotting together. Calm down. Calm down.
“Sarah?”
It’s a girl from her school, peering down at her through the rain.
Oh God. Oh no. Please go away. Please go away.
“Sarah? Are you okay?”
The girl is looking at her, a mask of pity plastered over her face. Katie? They were friends, used to be friends, once.
“Sarah?”
“Go away. Please go away.” Maybe if she says it enough times, then it will happen. Maybe if she says it just the right amount of times then everything will be alright and all her questions will be answered and it will stop raining.
“Go away. Please go away. Go away. Please go away. Go away. Please go away.”
“Sarah. Stop being like this.”
“Go away. Please go away. Go away. Please go away. Go away – “
Katie sits down next to her and shakes her gently. “Sarah. Stop it. We miss you. Please, can’t you just stop it and be yourself again?”
“Leave me alone.”
Katie looks at her for a long time, her eyes wide, unblinking. “I did leave you alone. I thought you’d get better. But you’re still doing all this. You have to stop.”
She explodes with frustration. Cold waves of fury splash over her. “You’re telling me to stop? You think I like being this way? You think I’m doing this on...on purpose? How do you think it feels to...to be taunted by people you haven't done anything to, every single day, because of this stupid, stupid...”’
“Who are you, Sarah?” Katie touches her shoulder lightly and brushes a strand of hair back from her hot forehead.
The kindness breaks her. She implodes. She starts shaking again and starts to rock herself on the hard curb. She has never felt so defeated.
“I don’t know.” Tears spill over her lashes, lacing her cheekbones. “I really don’t know.”
Wow. Just, wow. That's all I can really say.
I'd keep this in past tense. It flows better.
You are amazingly good at describing panic, hopelessness, fear. Broken has such a theme that runs through it..... Indescribable.
I have to place the title with the piece. Raindrop, the context. She want things to wash away and wash clear, so she can be the way she was.
II - Raindrop I love your titles, they're so apt.
She's being followed.
Great beginning
She can see them watching her as she walks along the rough cobblestones. She doesn’t want them to turn around; she doesn’t want them to know that she’s seen them, that she knows they’re looking at her. Paranoia grips her waistI love it when you use words that sound like people's names in context that a person could be doing (I make no sense!) , pulling her violently into a vicious circle and twirling her round and round in a frenzied dance. Let me out. Let me out. I completely adore that paragraph
She’s crazy, how can she think like this?
Again; those totally amazing questions
She shakes her head to clear it of the poison and carries on walking. Just get home. Hurry up and just get home. Her paces are faster, jerkier. They know. They’re speeding up, jostling, laughing.
“Oi, Sarah!”
She deflects into an alleyway, and mentally slaps herself. She can now see the shadows unravelling out of tenebrous corners and twining themselves around her. Perfect description
“Oh God.”
She says it out loud.
The shaft of light beaming out from the entrance of the alleyway obscures. Again
They’ve caught up.
They circle her like blood-thirsty vultures, overly eager to feast on their prey. She winces as she recognises the five boys cornering her. She struggles to put names to faces, but her mind blurs into a flurry of unintelligible words. Completely mind blowing description
One of them approaches her – Tom? Harry? Michael?
He is tall and thin; when he looks at her his mouth curves in a disdainful smile. He stares at her enigmatically and she struggles to interpret his look. Scorn? Derision? Lust?
He says something and his friends explode into loud, raucous laughter. She knows that the joke is directed at her but she cannot hear it. Her ears are pounding with blood and...and...
Don’t panic. Don’t panic. Don’t-panic-don’t-panic-don’t-panic.
He slams an arm down on her trembling shoulder and she jumps. She feels fragile, breakable, as if she could be shattered into a million pieces. Impeccable Sarah.
“Hey Sarah. You know what I want?” More laughter barks out, weaving its way along the ridges of the tense atmosphere.
Her feet are rooted to the hard ground and her limbs have been paralysed. She can hear the wild sound of thunder, a cruel echo of dangerous beauty.
He traces a line down her arm and then his long, grasping hands start running down her body. A flash of lightening ripping through the darkening sky diverts him. She ducks and starts running blindly through the mean, sharp rain that stars to hit down on the crude stone. She gropes with her shaking hands along the walls, through the shadows. I adore that last line, through the shadows, I am just so fond of it.
She catches her foot on something and trips, falling headlong on the hard ground. Tears spurt into her eyes and she sees him crouch down beside her. Her face and ears start burning up and her face is throbbing with a strike that has not been dealt.
“Uh-oh! You’re clumsy, aren’t you?” he says in a low, scathing tone. He places a firm hand on her leg and begins to move it upwards. She lashes out, not looking to see whether she has made contact or not, and flees out of the alleyway and onto the street.
She runs and runs, uncaring of the rain soaking her clothes and the people staring. She bites her lip, the teeth piercing through a layer of soft pink skin.Wow Sarah, wow! A crimson drop appears, stinging harshly as it hovers momentarily before making a quick descent. It mingles with the other raindrops running down her cheeks, translucent and clear. It doesn’t pollute them. It is too small to make enough of a difference.Your description there is absolutely incredible.Who else would be able to write a whole paragraph about a lip? Hahah you rock 
She collapses on the curb, gasping for breath. She runs shaking fingers through her bedraggled hair, trying to make sense out of the network of strands intertwining and knotting together.Your thoughts are just ....... ! Calm down. Calm down.
“Sarah?”
It’s a girl from her school, peering down at her through the rain.
Oh God. Oh no. Please go away. Please go away.
“Sarah? Are you okay?”
The girl is looking at her, a mask of pity plastered over her face. I can see it Katie? They were friends, used to be friends, once.
“Sarah?”
“Go away. Please go away.” Maybe if she says it enough times, then it will happen. Maybe if she says it just the right amount of times then everything will be alright and all her questions will be answered and it will stop raining.
“Go away. Please go away. Go away. Please go away. Go away. Please go away.”
“Sarah. Stop being like this.”
“Go away. Please go away. Go away. Please go away. Go away – “
Katie sits down next to her and shakes her gently. “Sarah. Stop it. We miss you. Please, can’t you just stop it and be yourself again?”
“Leave me alone.”
Katie looks at her for a long time, her eyes wide, unblinking. “I did leave you alone. I thought you’d get better. But you’re still doing all this. You have to stop.” This made me cry almost. Your description is just perfect Sarah. You are most definetly one of the best if not the best (which you probably are) writer I know.
She explodes with frustration. Cold waves of fury splash over her. “You’re telling me to stop? You think I like being this way? You think I’m doing this on...on purpose? How do you think it feels to...to be taunted by people you haven't done anything to, every single day, because of this stupid, stupid...”’
“Who are you, Sarah?” Katie touches her shoulder lightly and brushes a strand of hair back from her hot forehead.
The kindness breaks her. She implodes. She starts shaking again and starts to rock herself on the hard curb. She has never felt so defeated. :'(
“I don’t know.” Tears spill over her lashes, lacing her cheekbones. “I really don’t know.” Another one of those incredible endings, eh Sarah? They are so intriguing.
Here comes the rambling again. You're going to get so bored of me going on like this but you are incredible Sarah. You really are. Hahah will you make one mistake? Just a tiny tiny one for me? Just so I actually have something to edit? Hahah 
Na, it was amazing Sarah, as usual. 
x
Hey.
She's being followed.
“Hey Sarah. You know what I want?”
“Go away. Please go away. Go away. Please go away. Go away. Please go away.”
Thank you so much 
I will try to improve on dialogue, and on making it more realistic.
Thankyou again for reading.
Sarah
xxx
Hey Sarah,
First off, I'm really getting into this. Broken has such a personal touch to it - all the emotion conveyed is what makes this piece as amazing as it is. I love your description, I love Sarah's thoughts. I think your dialogue can be a little weak in places but that can easily be resolved. I also think that maybe your chapters could be slightly longer, scenes drawn out with perhaps more than one scene in each chapter.
She struggles to put names to faces, but her mind blurs into a flurry of unintelligible words.
One of them approaches her – Tom? Harry? Michael?
They were friends, used to be friends, once.
Who are you, Sarah?”
Thanks very, very much, ashleylee. Your advice is invaluable to me.
Thankyou so much for your review, it was awesome.
xxx
That is so sad…how can people be so cruel? 
You are hitting every emotion dead on. I felt every one of them as if I was watching it happen. Again, I can’t give you enough praise for this awesome story.
She doesn’t want them to turn around, she doesn’t want them to know that she’s seen them, that she knows they’re looking at her.
She can now see the shadows unravelling out of tenebrous corners and twining themselves around her.
It is too small to make enough of a difference.
Thanks so much for your review.
It was incredibly encouraging and helpful.
Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou.
xxx
Hey, you
Here's another review!!
YAYS!
Anyway, you know the drill, the review is in the attachment.
Hope it's useful!!
XxxDo
Hey, Sarah!
She can see them watching her as she walks along the rough cobblestones. She doesn’t want them to turn around; she doesn’t want them to know that she’s seen them, that she knows they’re looking at her. Paranoia grips her waist, pulling her violently into a vicious circle and twirling her round and round in a frenzied dance.
Her feet are rooted to the hard ground and [s]she is unable to move[/s] her limbs have been paralysed (copied from next paragraph). She can hear the wild sound of thunder, an cruel echo of dangerous beauty.
[s]She does not know why but she is suddenly weak and feels like her limbs have been paralysed.[/s]
He traces a line down her arm and then his long, grasping hands start running down her body. A flash of lightning ripping through the darkening sky diverts him. She ducks and starts running blindly through the [s]mean,[/s] sharp rain [s]that starts to hit down on the crude stone[/s], (too many adjectives.) [s]She[/s] groping with her shaking hands along the walls, through the shadows.
She runs and runs, uncaring (this always sounds odd to me) of the rain soaking her clothes and the people staring. She bites her lip, the teeth piercing through a layer of soft pink skin. A crimson drop appears, stinging harshly as it hovers momentarily before making a quick descent. It mingles with the other raindrops running down her [s]cheeks[/s] face, translucent and clear. It doesn’t pollute them. It is too small to make enough of a difference.
The kindness breaks her. She implodes. She becomes a burning fury shake ? and starts to rock herself on the hard curb. She has never felt so defeated.
“I don’t know.” Tears spill over her lashes, [s]lacing[/s] (try to find a different verb) her cheekbones. “I really don’t know.”
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