I made my way through the blackened park with cold air stinging my face. I had left my scarf at home but I didn't care. I just had to get away from the fighting and far away from him. The park was peaceably calm with the occasional sound of a passing car. I was fine and at ease until the sound of crunching snow behind me drove my stomach into involuntary spasms.
"Jesus Christ Amy",I thought. There is no one there!You're just tired. Afterall how long had I actually been walking? Two hours...maybe three? I had no way of telling since I left my cellphone on my nightstand. Once the thought of my tiredness began to sink in I decided to pick up my pace.
I walked peaceably for about two minutes before the menacing crunching that I heard behind me grew louder and faster than before. My heart began to pound and in my head I heard my father's voice; "Think on your feet Amy". With the encouraging sound of my father's voice and the freighting sound of a stranger getting closer to me,I broke out into a run and hid behind the nearest oak tree. Without thinking I pulled my hair back into a bun and reached for the pocket knife I always kept in my left sock. My dad had made me carry it as a kid,I never understood why but now I was just grateful to have it. With a tight grip on the knife I spun around to meet my encroacher.
My eyes locked on a tall hooded figure that stood at about 6'1 and was built like a highschool football player. Don't show your fear I thought. They like fear. "Don't come near me"! I tried my best to hide the shaking in my voice. "Woah" the hodded figure took two steps foward but for me it was a step too many. " I'm serious, do not fuck with me"! The figure stepped back. "Amy it's just me". The figure removed his hood and my guard dropped. "Dylan what's wrong with you. I almost". I gestured with my knife to finish my point. "I know I'm sorry, Darrin told me to come find you". At the sound of Darrin's name my guard heighthened and I took a tighter grip on the knife. "Who told you"? Dylan had trouble meeting my eyes but his voice was strong. "Darrin...your boyfriend"?
I thought for a second then took a step back. "Darrin was asleep when I left the house". Another step back. "Well then he woke up and saw you weren't there. He said you called him and said you were lost". Dylan took a step foward and I took a leap back. "How did I call him if I left my phone on the nightstand? He would have seen it when he woke up". I took another step back and prepared to run. "Amy you're making this very difficult just trust me"! I stared into Dylan's eyes and in an instant I turned and ran.
"She's running"! He called out into the frosty park. Then it dawned on me, all those stories my father had told me, all the lessons about survival, because right now I was alone but Dylan had an army.
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okayy...so, before I get to the content of the story itself, I'll start with a bit of a layout issue here, and that is the startling lack of paragraphing. The whole chapter is currently in the form of one massive blob and that does not lend itself too well to the flow of this story or for a reader to actually read this, so I suggest you break this into a couple or quite possibly more paragraphs here and you can instantly improve things here.
Well, we certainly have a very intriguing situation going down here, it certainly got my attention pretty quickly and definitely makes me want to read on here and find out what could possibly happen next. This interaction here is done really well her, you can see the personality of this girl here as she's instantly able to pick up on little hints of suspiciousness and find her way to truth. You also get the sense that this person is generally a pretty jumpy person that always is on guard for some reason and that makes things even more interesting, not to mention the father having taught survival skills and the mention of an army makes this even more mysterious here.
All in all, this was a very intriguing point to start a story off here. Besides the paragraphing issue, this is quite nicely done here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Simply like.
You know what I told you, but I say it again o get the points so I can release my story.Btw I'm so if I have any typos, I'ts because of It. I'm not able to see what I write xD. Anyways. I like it. The originality ancreativity. the plot is kinda weird, but there are no dangerous typos or grammar/spelling fails. As for the writing. Your vocabulary is just dandy, and you get out the impressions you want. As I told you before I don't really like the last sentence, but that's just taste. I also wonder why youwrite in past tens, but then the frst time you think, you think in present tense. That's confusing.
Anyway. Work more with it, and you'll be just dandy. I won't rate since you're just in beta phase:3
Love, Bob Walker!