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The Hollow Soul

by Cassie9960


He's perfect. THe perfect man has come into my life. But there's a twist, he's not what I've always wanted, for inside him, a monster is growing. A beast within a beast. Not the kind in horror film, but the real kind. The kind you think you love, but they turn on you. And now I bid you goodbye, as I tell you what happened to me just a few years ago, it all started in a small town called FostersVille.


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Thu Jan 26, 2023 11:22 pm
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

He's perfect. THe perfect man has come into my life. But there's a twist, he's not what I've always wanted, for inside him, a monster is growing. A beast within a beast. Not the kind in horror film, but the real kind. The kind you think you love, but they turn on you. And now I bid you goodbye, as I tell you what happened to me just a few years ago, it all started in a small town called FostersVille.


Well this is quite the piece here. It looks like maybe this is meant to be sort of like the prologue to a story of some kind of or generally the preface to something. There's quite a lot of potential baked into this particular piece especially considering quite how unassuming and simple it appears to be on the surface. Its a lovely way to start something like this out.

Diving a little bit deeper into this, there's something about this so called perfect man that really puts an interesting spin on things there. It almost makes it seem like there will be another visitor to this place to try and alter what goes on here and that creates an interesting effect because it seems like on side of two opposing views as opposed to one view.

The personal opinion of this person towards the end does convert those things from less of a certain type of opinion to more of a certainty but it certainly does seem you have to activate some of those arguments to get to the bottom of this. Its an interesting place to start nonetheless because as a reader you end up having to take a few judgment calls before understanding what appears to be the start of something which doesn't normally happen but then it does make this that much more intriguing.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate




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Sun Dec 13, 2009 5:41 pm
*coco wrote a review...



You really shouldn't let negative comments affect you like that. YWS is a place where you post your work and have people give their opinions on it, which they're entitled to! I don't think Rena meant to 'crush' you, she was simply giving you her opinion and it's your choice whether you take that on board or ignore it and do your own thing. I really don't think you should stop writing a story just because of one negative critic, everyone else seemed to like it and I think it sounds good too! :)




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Sun Dec 13, 2009 3:52 am
Cassie9960 says...



Thanks everyone except RENA!!!! I don't think I'll continue my story, my spirits were kind of crushed. For everyone who actually wanted to read this story, it was going to be about a girl who falls in love with this man and she thinks hes perfect for her. But after a few months he turns abusive. And he says that if she breaks up with him he'll kill her.
My story was supposed to be really good too. But my spirits were crushed by RENA!!! :(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(




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Sat Nov 28, 2009 3:47 am
NonFictionIdot says...



I liked it. Its good to have your warm ups.
And this is a good beging. If you ask me, Don't listen to
Rena0421 up there and do what you feel is best.




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Fri Nov 27, 2009 4:15 am
Rena0421 wrote a review...



No, not at all. I don't like it one bit.
Not in a harsh, cut-you-down-to-your-knees kinda way but a don't-write-dumb-short-prologues kinda way.
You know what? Scratch all of that because I'm coming off to be a B-word.
Okay, next time you want to write a short prologue for us, don't. It seems 'Beauty and the Beast-ish' and that isn't so good.
Jump into the story, post and then we will be able to tell you if your inner-beast story is any good. So far, it seems rather boring and cliche-ish. Ya know?

Okay, no rudeness intended what-so-ever. But I'm simply trying to help. So I hope I did?

-Rena.




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Fri Nov 27, 2009 3:16 am
stupidjellybean says...



Nice *thumbs up*

It sounds interesting!
hope you'll update soon :D




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Wed Nov 25, 2009 9:11 pm
Snoink says...



Don't bother with the prologue... just dive right into the story. It'll be better, honest. :D




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Wed Nov 25, 2009 9:10 pm
Cassie9960 says...



this is a prolouge type thingy.





Change isn't inherently good, but you can't stop it, so let's just enjoy the ride. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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