z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone Violence

Letters from War

by CarolineNaveen


Please Note that the formatting is off because this site is not letting me insert it properly for some reason. However, the formatting is correct in the original document so you don't need to include that in your review. Thanks!

SCRIPT

SCENE 1

Voice Over:

Notice!

Travellers intending to embark on the Atlantic voyage are reminded that a state of war exists between Germany and her allies and Great Britain and her allies; that the zone of war includes the waters adjacent to the British Isles and that, in accordance with formal notice given by the Imperial German Government, vessels flying the flag of Great Britain, or any of her allies, are liable to destruction in those waters, so any travelers sailing in the war zone on the ships of Great Britain or her allies do so at their own risk.

Imperial German Embassy

Washington, D.C. 22nd April 1915

(NATHAN, ELIZABETH and DAVE ENTER running)

NATHAN: Hurry up Lizzy!

ELIZABETH (panting trying to catch up): I’m trying.

DAVE: Try harder.

ELIZABETH (exasperated): It’s a dead end! We’re going to miss the cast off. I told you we needed to go the other way, (Throwing her hands in the air.) but nobody listen to me; I’m just the village idiot!

DAVE (ignoring her): Oh stop your whining; you’re such a drama queen.

(NATHAN looks around for a place to see better and locates some crates and climbs up with DAVE.)

NATHAN (pulling ELIZABETH up behind him): Quick up here!

DAVE: See we made it. No reason to panic right?

ELIZABETH: Yeah, yeah whatever.

(Ships horn blows.)

DAVE: Wow!

ELIZABETH: Look at the size of that thing!

NATHAN: The RMS Lusitania, she’s the fastest passenger liner on the Atlantic.

DAVE: Nathan, you’re parents are so lucky to be on this trip. I wish I could go!

ELIZABETH: I’m glad you’re not going. Did you see the notice on the docks?

NATHAN: Nah, don’t worry. The captain assured everyone there is nothing to fret about. Besides, German boats haven’t been sighted in the English Channel lately.

ELIZABETH: Oh, look there she goes!

(Sounds of the ship leaving, lights change, EVERYONE freezes.)

PROJECTION/AUDIO: The sinking of the RMS Lusitania.

(NATHAN is the only one to react to the news everyone else remains frozen.)

NATHAN: My parents are on that boat…my parents. They said they’d be back in a few days. It’s not true! It can’t be true! How could they do this?

BLACKOUT

SCENE 2

(At Rise: NATHAN and ELIZABETH are already sitting on fire escape; when EMMA, and SAM enter arguing.)

EMMA (irritated): Come on Sam. You have to be the daddy.

SAM: I don’t wanna. And you can’t make me.

EMMA: Well we can’t play house without one, and you’s the only boy.

SAM: So? I want to be the mom!

EMMA: If you want to play, you’ve gotta be the dad.

SAM: But I don’t want to!

NATHAN: Don’t want to what?

(SAM runs up to ELIZABETH.)

SAM: I want to play house and they aren’t gunna let me unless I’m the daddy. But I don’t want to be the daddy! He’s mean and always gets his self drunk.

ELIZABETH: Oh Sam. That’s not true.

SAM: Yes it is.

(ELIZABETH is hurt and doesn’t know what to do. NATHAN steps in.)

NATHAN: Come here Sam. (SAM walks towards him timidly, pause both not sure what to do.) Hey, you know what this is? (He pulls out a penny whistle out of his jacket.)

SAM: Oh boy! Where did ya get that? It’s just like the one Valiant uses in the comic book!

NATHAN (laughs): That’s right, and I’m going to let you keep it.

SAM: Honest?

NATHAN: Yes…..Sam, I want you to know that you’re pop is a good guy. (Beat.) Let’s just put it this way: he forgot Valiant’s super hero code, but I want you to always remember it; to do your best, help those in need, and never fight fire with fire.

SAM: What does that mean? Fight fire with fire?

NATHAN (he laughs and hands over the whistle): It just means that if someone’s mean to you, sometimes it’s best to let it go…to choose your battles, because you can’t fight them all. Besides, doing something back almost always makes it worse.

(A crash is heard offstage, everyone jumps, ELIZABETH looks at NATHAN knowingly. It’s her father.)

ELIZABETH (nervously to make sure he heard): Nate…

NATHAN (already aware, protective): I got it.

ELIZABETH (gathering up the kids and then whispering back): Thank you.

(ELIZABETH, SAM and EMMA exit up the stairwell. FATHER enters swaying with a bottle in his hand unable to walk straight.)

FATHER (drunk): Hello dar Nathan. She here, aye’s gunna make ush de rishest family of dish’ere block. Waddaya say?

NATHAN (Like talking to a toddler): Sounds like a great plan, how about we get you inside and-

FATHER: I dunna wanna to.

NATHAN (leading him along): Come on Mr. Daniels. Let’s get you inside. Your kids are going to be wondering where you’ve been.

FATHER: Dose good for nothin’ childrens don’t care what happens to me.

(He takes another gulp of his beer.)

NATHAN: That’s not the truth sir, come on.

FATHER: You lyin’ boy! Dey don’t need me any more dan I need them. I haven’t been any more a fadder to them dan your fadder was ta you.

NATHAN (getting angry): That’s not true! My father was a great man!

FATHER (smacking Nathan across the face): Don’t you use dat tone of voice with me! You’re just like your parents arrogant and-

NATHAN: Stop it! Don’t talk about my parents like that. (Regaining control and trying a different tactic grabbing his arm and leading him again.) Look, Mr. Daniels what would our landlord say if he sees you’ve had enough money to get yourself drunk, and NOT to pay the rent?

(NATHAN and FATHER exit. ELIZABETH enters on the balcony calling through the open fire escape window.)

ELIZABETH (calling off): You two ready for bed yet?

(EMMA and SAM appear in the window behind the balcony.)

EMMA: Yes.

ELIZABETH: Good. Samuel, are you sure that you washed your face? (Laugh, ELIZABETH reaches through the window to try to wipe the dirt off. SAM attempts to push her hand away unsuccessfully.) You still have dirt all over you! (Beat.) Now off to bed both of you! You have a busy day in the morning.

(ELIZABETH smiles after them as EMMA and SAM exit. NATHAN enters on the balcony.)

NATHAN: How are they?

ELIZABETH: Good, sent them both off to bed. How’s pa?

NATHAN (sitting down on the floor of the balcony): Your Pa’s fine. He’s in bed too: out like a light.

ELIZABETH (sitting next to him): Thank you. Normally Dave deals with him when he’s that bad. But since he’s working the late shift tonight- (ELIZABETH looks him in the eye for the first time seeing his face. Gasp). Nate! What happened? How- Did papa do that?

NATHAN: It’s just a scratch. (ELIZABETH crosses to grab a rag from the windowsill.) He didn’t mean it Lizzy. (ELIZABETH kneels down and starts to dab his face with the rag.) It’s not that big a deal honest. (He pushes her hand away.)

ELIZABETH: Let me clean it. (He pushes her hand away again and she almost laughs) You’re just as bad as Sam!

(SAM and EMMA start peeking through the window.)

NATHAN (grins): Really?

ELIZABETH (laugh, hitting him playfully with the towel): You really are as bad as Sammy! He was doing the same thing to me earlier.

(NATHAN continues trying to make her laugh as she cleans his face. ELIZABETH bursts out laughing)

Quit!

(He tickles her and she squeals running away and he chases her while she beats him with a towel, they stop close to each other and look like they’re about to kiss. EMMA and SAM giggle from where they were watching.)

NATHAN (glancing at the kids): In bed huh?

ELIZABETH: Well, they were supposed to be. (To EMMA and SAM) Go on to bed now both of you. (EMMA and SAM disappear, to NATHAN) You too.

NATHAN: You wouldn’t send me away without a kiss goodnight would you Lizzy?

ELIZABETH: Yes I would, now get off of my balcony. (ELIZABETH tries to shoe him away, but he doesn’t move) Alright, (ELIZABETH laughs, and gives NATHAN a kiss on the cheek.) Goodnight. See you in the morning.

(NATHAN exits down the stairs of the fire escape and then turns back.)

NATHAN: Goodnight Elizabeth.

SCENE 3

(EMMA and SAM enter selling their newspapers, lots of activity is happening onstage. NATHAN enters walking to work.)

SAM: Extra, extra America’s at war! We’re at war! Germany renounces-

NATHAN (reaching for the paper): What?

SAM (holding out his hand, pulling the paper away): You may be my sister’s boyfriend but you still gotta pay.

NATHAN: Fine. (laugh and reach into his pocket) I always knew you’d be a good salesman. (NATHAN places a coin in Sam’s hand.) There. (Look at the newspaper) What? We’re at war!

SAM: Uh-huh I just said that. We have been as of 6:00 this morning.

EMMA: Everyone thought President Wilson wasn’t going to get involved but it looks like he finally cracked. Their calling it: (dramatically.) “The War to End All Wars.”

SAM: It took him long enough! How many ships did dem boches have to sink before he took action?

EMMA: To many, those poor people that….

(DAVE enters)

SAM: I wish I was old enough to enlist; I’d be over there in a second!

NATHAN: Sam, war is different than the storybooks it’s-

DAVE: Hey Nathan! You gonna join up?

NATHAN (flatly): No.

DAVE: Why not? It’ll be an adventure best one we’ll prolly have the chance to have!

NATHAN (quickly/dismissively still focused on Sam): No Dave.

DAVE: What are you chicken?

NATHAN (irritated): No, I’m being smart.

DAVE: You’ve been sweet on my sister for so long you’re even starting to sound like her.

NATHAN: What are you going to say to her anyways?

DAVE: I don’t know yet. I’ll figure it out. (Beat.) There’s no way I can change your mind?

NATHAN: Not today Davy. (EVERYONE exits, except NATHAN.)

The truth was; Dave didn’t have to change my mind. I already wanted to join. I was glad the war started; the German’s killed my parents; and I wanted revenge! (Starting to climb onto the balcony) Dave is already in Long Island awaiting shipment for France, so I’m staying with the Daniels family until he gets back.

(People cross onstage hanging up signs.) Enlisting signs and recruiting stations were being set up everywhere; all my friends were joining the army, even those not old enough to enlist managed to bargain their way into the war. What am I doing standing on the sidelines while my friends go overseas to fight? I stayed put until I couldn’t take it anymore! I joined up with the 42nd infantry division, of the 69th New York.

Scene 4

(ELIZABETH appears in the window behind the balcony. It’s nighttime.)

ELIZABETH: You did what?!?

NATHAN: I joined up. Look, I know you didn’t want me to but-

(ELIZABETH crosses onto the balcony.)

ELIZABETH: This is war Nathan! Think about what-

NATHAN: What do you want me to do? Collect scrap medal?

ELIZABETH: Yes.

NATHAN: Look Lizzy, there are men laying down their lives; I got no right to do any less than them. (She doesn’t look at him; Nathan puts his hands on her shoulders) Elizabeth, try to understand.

ELIZABETH: First Dave, now you, should I expect little Sammy to go next?

NATHAN: Lizabeth!

ELIZABETH: I don’t want you to go. When this war broke out I knew Dave would join. My brother has always been running into danger. But you? I thought you were different! I just don’t understand-

NATHAN: I have to do this. I have a duty to my country and-

ELIZABETH (realizing): This is about your parents. Isn’t it?

(No response)

Isn’t it?

NATHAN: So what if it is?!

(EMMA screams and NATHAN and ELIZABETH run to her bedside that is on the same level as the window.)

EMMA: No! Stop! Stop!

ELIZABETH: What is it what’s wrong?

NATHAN (shaking her awake): Wake up Emma! Emmaline, wake up it’s only a dream!

(NATHAN and ELIZABETH continue to shake her and she wakes up crying)

NATHAN: You’re okay Emma. (He strokes her hair rocking her.) It’s alright; everything’s going to be okay. It was only a dream.

EMMA: It was so-so real, it was awful. I dreamed that- that…we were inside a ship and a German u boat- it-it

(SAM enters sleepily rubbing his eyes.)

SAM: What’s going on? What’s wrong with Emmy?

ELIZABETH (gets up leading him back the way they came): Nothing Sam, let’s go back to bed.

(ELIZABETH shoots NATHAN an angry look ELIZABETH and SAM exit.)

NATHAN (still cradling her): It’s alright you’re at home you’re not in a ship.

EMMA: No but-

NATHAN: But what?

EMMA (softly): You’re going to be. (Beat.) I watched you. Sam and I, we-we saw you going into the recruiting office with Dave. You’re going with my brother aren’t you? To France?

NATHAN: Yes.

EMMA: I don’t want you to go…I don’t want you to get blown up.

NATHAN: I’m not going to get blown up Emma.

EMMA: Promise?

NATHAN (holding up his hand): I, Nathan O’Connell, do solemnly swear not to get blown up. (Beat.) Look, I know you don’t want me to go, but it’s something that I have to do.

EMMA: This is a stupid war.

NATHAN: All wars are stupid. It’s the right thing for me to do though Emma, and I’d like for you to see that. I need you to be brave for me: alright? (She nods) That a girl. Do you want me to sit with you for a bit till you go back to sleep?

EMMA: Yes, please. (She snuggles down in cot) Hey Nathan?

NATHAN: Hmm?

EMMA: Can you sing to me?

NATHAN: Alright…

Hush, little Emma, don't say a word.

I’m gonna buy you a mockingbird

And if that mockingbird won't sing,

I’m gonna buy you a diamond ring

And if that diamond ring turns brass,

I’m gonna buy you a looking glass

LIGHTS FADE

SCENE 5

(AT RISE: boat horn sounds, NATHAN, SAM, DAVE, EMMA and ELIZABETH are all on the stage level at the dock area where they watched NATHAN’S parents leave. NATHAN and DAVE are in military uniform about to depart for France.)

SAM: I sure wish I was going with you.

DAVE: No Sam, we need you here. Someone has to take care of Emma and Lizzy for us.

NATHAN: Think you can do that?

SAM (salute): Sir, yes sir!

NATHAN (hug): Good man. Remember what I told you; the super hero code.

SAM: I won’t forget, don’t worry!

DAVE (giving EMMA a hug): You be good okay? I’ll miss you.

EMMA: I’ll miss you too.

DAVE: Try to keep Sammy out of trouble.

EMMA: All right, goodbye. Be careful.

NATHAN (Boat horn, Gives ELIZABETH a kiss on the cheek and a hug): Goodbye Elizabeth.

ELIZABETH: Bye Nathan. Look after Davy for me will you? I worry about him- you know how he is.

NATHAN: Don’t worry; I’ll keep him out of harm’s way.

(NATHAN and DAVE exit.)

ELIZABETH (whisper): I love you. Be safe.

Be safe, those were the two words on everyone’s lips for weeks to follow. Be safe son, Be safe father, Be safe. Away the ships went, carrying thousands of brothers, sons, fathers, uncles and boyfriends across the ocean. Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, until one day Emma asked me what her big brother, and Nathan, looked like and I couldn’t tell her! It had been so long since we’d seen them; even I couldn’t remember…..

SCENE 6

(As the lights cross fade to a nighttime look military personnel enter, talking and setting up the camp. After they are finished lights rise to resemble early morning. NATHAN is sleeping in a cot and DAVE enters yelling.)

DAVE: Hey Nate! Guess what?

(NATHAN groans into the pillow while DAVE is waving a letter around).

Luka what you got!

NATHAN (still sleepy): What? It’s 1 o’clock in the morning.

DAVE (throwing a pillow at him, laughs): You’re in military. Learn to get up early!

NATHAN: Go away.

DAVE (teasing): It’s a letter….

NATHAN (perking up): From Lizzy?

DAVE (smirks): Who else would it be from lover boy?

NATHAN (jumping up and grabbing the letter): Let me see that!

DAVE: I’ve already read mine; I’m waiting to see if Emma drew us another picture. I want to add it to my collection.

NATHAN (handing over the picture): Here you go.

(ELIZABETH enters on the balcony.)

DAVE (taking the picture and hanging it up with his other drawings NATHAN absorbs himself in the letter): Emma is an amazing artist. Look, it-it looks just like the fire escape from our apartment. Don’t you think?

ELIZABETH (from the balcony):

February 6, 1918

Dear Nathan,

How are you? How’s Dave? In answer to your question; we’ve been managing really well. Sam and Emma have been making good money selling papers, and I got a job as a nurse in training at the hospital. (Pause.) It’s been beautiful weather here the last few days. This morning I took a walk by the wharves, which made me think of you and the walks we used to take together.

SAM (off): Lizzy, we’re home.

EMMA (off): Where are you?

ELIZABETH (calling): Over here! (Back to the letter.) Well, Sam and Emma just got home from there newspaper route. So, I’d better quit, I’ll write you again as soon as I can.

Yours always,

Elizabeth Daniels

DAVE (looking over his shoulder teasing): Yours always?

NATHAN: Oh shut up.

DAVE: What? I’m just reading what it says!

(NATHAN throws the pillow back at DAVE.)

NATHAN: Why don’t you just get ready? We leave at oh three hundred.

DAVE (holds up his hands in submission): Alright, alright!

(NATHAN and DAVE pack up.)

DAVE: You know something Nate?

NATHAN: What?

DAVE: If I ever get outta this I’m gunna to head out west and be a farmer.

NATHAN: Great Dave.

DAVE: No really, I want to have a big garden in the back and I’ll work in it every day-

(TOM enters followed by other military personel that begin to take apart/move set as if they were packing it into a jeep to move out.)

TOM: Come on you two! The sergeant isn’t going to be happy if you are late again.

DAVE (irritated): We’re coming!

(Train noise, DAVE and NATHAN pick up their bags and DAVE, TOM and military personnel exit, sounds of a train pulling out of the station. NATHAN crosses to sit leaning against/sitting on a crate that was left on the stage, lighting and sound simulates that he is riding on the train.)

NATHAN:

March 9, 1918

Elizabeth,

Sorry I haven’t written; we’ve been on the move the last few days, and I haven’t had a chance to write. We fit our whole company in 6 cattle cars for transportation. It was cramped, about 40 people per car, but it was better than walking. I can’t tell you where we’re headed or when we are expected to arrive. They go through all our mail before it is sent out, marking through any information that might give away our position.

Tell Emma; that Davy and I have been really enjoying her drawings. Dave’s been doing great, continually getting himself into trouble as always. He’s been the company clown, and he has become a remarkably good poker player. I’m beginning to regret I ever taught him how to play cards, because he wins…every, single, time. Well we are here now, so I guess I better go, until next time.

Yours,

Nathan O’Connell

SCENE 7

(SAM is playing with his penny whistle on the balcony of the apartment, EMMA walks onto the balcony and sits next to him.)

EMMA (sitting next to him): That’s pretty.

SAM: Thanks.

EMMA: Keep going. I want to draw your picture for Nathan and Dave.

SAM (shrugs): Okay.

(They sit for a few moments while SAM plays a short tune on the whistle, then EMMA coughs.)

SAM: You alright?

EMMA: I’m fine, just felling a little sick that’s all. (Pause.) There all finished.

SAM: Can I see?

EMMA: Of course.

SAM: Wow, this is great Emma. You should be an artist one day.

EMMA: I’ve thought about it. It’s just…not quite that simple.

SAM: Of course it’s not! It wouldn’t be. All things that are worth doing are never easy. Take being a doctor for instance, that’s what I want to be when I grow up.....a doctor. It’s not going to be easy, but that doesn’t mean I can’t do it.

EMMA: I know. I suppose you’re right. (Pause) Achoo!

SAM: Bless you.

EMMA: Thanks.

(Long pause.)

SAM: I think it’s going to be a great day today. Don’t you? Just look at the sunrise!

EMMA: What’s that got to do with it?

SAM: I don’t know. It just looks pretty. You wanna know what Dave told me one day?

EMMA: What?

SAM: He said that no matter where you are in the world, the sun’s always there. The same sun we’re watching rise right now, is the same sun that’s over in France with Dave and Nathan.

EMMA: That’s neat, I’ve never thought about it that way before.

SAM: Neither did I. Until he told me, now when I think about it, it almost makes it feel as if they’re here with me.

EMMA: I’m ready for them to come home. I miss them.

SAM: Me too. It’s been pretty dull without Davy around. He always was the one who came up with the adventures.

EMMA: He’d cook something up all right. We’d go along with it, and then we would all get into trouble.

SAM: And Nate always was the one who got us out of it.

EMMA (laugh): True, I wonder what they’re doing now…..

SCENE 8

(NATHAN enters followed by DAVE who walks quickly to catch up to him; they are both very muddy and carrying heavy military issue backpacks.)

DAVE: Hey Nate

NATHAN (irritated): Hey is for horses.

DAVE: What time do you think it is?

NATHAN: I don’t know.

DAVE: We’ve been on the road for at least 12 hours….We should be getting close don’t you think?

NATHAN: I don’t know! Stop asking so many questions!

DAVE: What’s wrong with you?

NATHAN: Nothing. I’m just tired that’s all.

DAVE: Obviously it is something, just tell me.

NATHAN: I got a letter from Elizabeth.

DAVE: And?

NATHAN: Emma’s sick.

DAVE: How sick?

NATHAN: It’s the influenza.

DAVE: Why didn’t you tell me about this?

NATHAN: I guess I just didn’t want to worry you.

DAVE (angry): You didn’t want to worry me? She’s MY little sister. I had a right to know.

NATHAN: I’m sorry Dave. I just couldn’t figure out how to tell you. From now on I’ll come straight to you.

DAVE. You better.

NATHAN: I’ve worried about Elizabeth a lot since we’ve been gone. Know what I mean? (Beat.) Dave, I need to tell you something….I guess ask you- is more like it, since your father isn’t here. I want to ask your permission to- when we get back to the states- I want to- (NATHAN reaches into his pocket and pulling out a ring.) I-I’m going to ask Elizabeth to marry me.

DAVE: So that’s why you drug me into that jewelry store in Paris. You wanted to pick that out.

NATHAN: Something like that.

DAVE: Nate, you care about my sister more than anyone in the world. If my father was here, and in his right mind, he would say that too. (Laugh) Besides, I can’t think of anybody that I would rather have as a brother-in-law.

NATHAN: Thanks Dave. (Pause.) If I don’t make it back will you- tell her for me?

DAVE: Don’t say that Nathan. We can’t let this war beat us, ‘cause we’re going to beat this war! Agreed?

NATHAN: Agreed.

DAVE: The swords been drawn.

NATHAN: The fight’s begun.

DAVE/NATE: Together we win.

NATHAN:

July 30, 1918

Dearest Lizzy,

I had a few spare seconds, so I thought I’d write. I’m now acting as corporal. I can’t bring myself to tell you what happened, other than it was dreadful, and I’m a wreck. I’ve now been “over the top” and into no man’s land more times than I care to remember. This war has created its own world; it’s so deserted, and hopeless looking, and there so much mud here you could possibly create a whole nuther planet.

(Pause as shell explodes.)

How’s Emma doing? Is she getting better? I’m near starved to hear news from home. It takes too long for letters to travel over the ocean. Dave and I had a great talk the other day, and I want to tell you that I love you and- (DAVE rushes in, NATHAN looks up at him) what is it Dave?

DAVE: The plan changed. We need to go, now

(DAVE and NATHAN exit.)

SCENE 9

ELIZABETH (getting ready to leave): Are you sure you two will be alright?

SAM: Yes, you have to go Lizzy. You’ve missed to many days already, and we have to pay the rent. Her fevers almost gone and I think the worst is behind us. I’ll take care of her.

ELIZABETH: Alright… Come get me immediately if anything happens. I’m just right down the road.

SAM: I will.

ELIZABETH: Good, remember if her fever gets any worse. Come get me.

SAM: Okay.

(ELIZABETH exits. SAM crosses towards EMMA’S bed and she coughs.)

EMMA: Sam?

SAM: What’s wrong?

EMMA: Nothing, I’ll be fine. Can I get some water though?

SAM: Sure.

EMMA (pause): Where’s Lizzy?

SAM: She’s at the hospital. She has the nursing shift tonight.

(EMMA takes a sip of the water has a chokes on it, SAM feels her forehead.)

That’s it. You’re burning up. I’m going to get the doctor.

EMMA: Don’t! I-I don’t want to be by myself.

SAM: I’ll be right back. The hospital’s just around the corner.

EMMA: Don’t go! Please! I’m scared of the dark, please don’t leave me.

SAM: Come on Emma, you’ll be fine, you need a doctor. I’ll light this candle for you, how’s that? I’ll be back before you know it.

EMMA: Okay. (As SAM exits to get the DOCTOR, EMMA re-sings NATHAN’S Lullaby.)

Hush, little Emma, don't say a word.

Nathan’s gonna buy you a mockingbird

And if that mockingbird won't sing,

Davey’s gonna buy you a diamond ring

And if that diamond ring turns brass,

They’re gonna buy you a looking glass

(SAM re-enters with the DOCTOR and ELIZABETH, the DOCTOR kneels by the bed and feels for a pulse.)

DOCTOR: We’re too late.

ELIZABETH (shocked and broken): Doctor there’s got to be something- She was getting better!

DOCTOR: There’s nothing else I can do. I’m sorry.

SAM (rushing to the bedside): Common Emma. You can’t be- Wake up! I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left you. Please Emma, answer me! I know you can- (Beginning to cry.) I know you can hear me. I’m sorry. I should never have left you… It’s all my fault. It’s all my fault.

ELIZABETH (kneeling beside him, starting to break): Sammy, it’s not your fault. (She rocks him in her arms)

SAM (crying blaming himself): If I could have been faster, if I didn’t have this stupid crutch, maybe she wouldn’t- She can’t leave us like this, it’s not fair.

ELIZABETH (quietly): That’s not true Sam; you did the best you could.

LIGHTS FADE

SCENE 10

(Tired, dirty, wounded soldiers march across the stage, placing whatever props and set pieces need to be in place and as soon as they can go to sleep/rest against backpacks, on the floor and on blankets as NATHAN narrates.)

NATHAN:

August 19, 1918

We managed to drive the German’s back a little ways…then they made a stand. They had machine guns planted, we were slaughtered! Our division was relieved, and we made our way to the rest camp, which we arrived at today. I don’t understand how I ever managed to come out without a scratch. Oh, how I hope I live to go back. I am still acting corporal, on guard duty tonight.

(DAVE starts to fidget in his sleep.)

DAVE: No, no, no. NO!

(NATHAN walks over and tries to shake him awake and DAVE awakes with a start going straight for NATHAN’s throat.)

NATHAN: Hold it! Hold it! Dave it’s me Nate! Nathan!

DAVE (pause a moment confused not focusing out of his nightmare): Nathan? Nathan, I’m so sorry I-I.

NATHAN: It’s fine.

DAVE: No it’s not fine! I have been having the most terrible nightmares, and sometimes I see things: the rest of our company, the guys that didn’t make it. I see them sometimes, reaching out to me, like I can save them. I-I can’t do this anymore!

NATHAN: Yes you can. We’re almost out! Germany is starting to retreat…this war, it can’t last much longer. We can’t let this war beat us, cause we’re going to beat this war! Remember? (DAVE nods.) The sword is drawn.

DAVE: The fight’s begun.

NATHAN/DAVE: Together we win.

NATHAN: We win TOGETHER Dave. It can’t be much longer, we’ll make it out.

DAVE: I wish I could believe you Nathan. But I think our turn is coming soon. Our company started with 250 of New York’s finest, and now we’re down to 60.

(DAVE starts to pick up his stuff and get ready for transport.)

NATHAN: I wish I could believe myself sometimes.

(Transport noise and distant war noise as the soldiers begin to pack up camp.)

September 11, 1918,

Dearest Lizabeth,

We are on the move again. In case I don’t make it out…. I love you.

Yours forever,

Nathan

(DAVE starts to walk toward NATHAN. BANG! DAVE is shot.)

TOM: Ambush! We’re under attack!

(The exhausted soldiers hurry to hide behind crates, guns pointing in all directions trying to find the attackers. NATHAN runs straight to DAVE dropping his rifle when he reaches him.)

NATHAN: DAVE!!!! Dave, stay with me buddy!

DAVE: Nate?

NATHAN: That’s right, you’re alright! I’m going to get you otta here! Okay?

(Gunshots, and the regiment returns fire.)

DAVE: My head. I’m not going to make it, am I?

NATHAN: Yes you will! You’ve got to! You’re going to be the best man at Lizzy and I’s wedding and move out west and work in your garden every day! Remember?

DAVE (soft laugh): I remember.

TOM: Fall back! Regroup in the woods! Fall back!

(The rest of the soldiers begin exiting quickly TOM gesturing for them to go before him, trying to make sure everyone exits. NATHAN has a new since of urgency and tries to lift DAVE up to a walking position.)

NATHAN: I’m going to get you out of here.

DAVE: Nathan, I can’t. Save yourself, let me go. (Sliding back down) It’s-It’s alright tell Emma and Sam I said goodbye for me and that- (gunshots getting closer, he winces) that I love them and- and I’ll see them again….in heaven okay? Take care of them Nate.

NATHAN: I won’t have to because you are going to be fine. Dave you’re not going to die!

DAVE: Promise me Nathan! Promise me you’ll look after them.

NATHAN: I-

DAVE: Promise me.

NATHAN: I promise.

DAVE (painful laugh): Tell Lizzy that you make a great couple. Nate? You’re the best-best friend I-I’ve ever had…..Thank you. We’ll win- (He dies)

NATHAN: Together.

TOM: Come on Nathan! You can’t do anything for him now! We’ve got to get out of here.

(NATHAN only half hears him, he picks up his gun as if in a trance. German soldiers run on to the stage and NATHAN and TOM begin to fight them in hand to hand combat. NATHAN’S rifle is still out of his reach by DAVE. NATHAN goes to his rifle and when he comes up he points it the closest GERMAN a young freckled faced wounded soldier. The boy panics shooting blindly at NATHAN and hits his leg, they fight. Nathan gets the advantage and is standing over the GERMAN ready to kill.)

SAM (voice over/on balcony with a little echo): What does that mean fight fire with fire? Fight fire with fire?

NATHAN (quietly): Sometimes it is better just to let it go….it almost always makes it worse.

(NATHAN steps aside and motions to the GERMAN to get up. The boy immediately runs offstage. Explosion and a heavy fog starts to creep onto the stage. NATHAN struggles holding his leg. TOM puts on his gas mask and sees that NATHAN has not done the same.)

TOM: Nathan, gas! (no response) Nate! Put on your gas mask.

(NATHAN looks at him blankly, looking at the blood on his hand from the wound.)

Don’t do this to me now, Nathan! Come on!

(TOM crosses over to NATHAN putting his arm over his shoulder and runs off the stage with him.)

ELIZABETH (from the balcony):

I received a transfer on the doctor’s recommendation to a field hospital in France. Sammy and I went together the following week and when we arrived.

(The smoke begins to clear, revealing the wounded soldiers from NATHAN and TOM’s regiment as well as the Germans.SAM rushes onto the stage with a medical team and they begin moving the wounded and treating people. Setting up the props, cots, stretchers etc. needed for the field hospital.)

I learned exactly how much Nathan’s letters had been sugar coating things. It was much worse than words could even begin to describe. We started working immediately and hardly had time for rest. We worked from early in the morning to late into the night, sometimes through the night …Today, Sam and I have been working non-stop for about 48 hours. I am mentally and physically exhausted, but still outside the tent the battle keeps raging and the wounded kept coming…

SCENE 11

(Field hospital; ELIZABETH crosses from the balcony back down to the stage level. They’re treating wounded soldiers and are both in Red Cross uniforms. Lights flash for a second as a bomb explodes.)

ELIZABETH (wincing): I hate those Wizz-Bombs; the 77 milimeter’s, their nasty business.

SAM: New wounded!

ELIZABETH: Will they ever stop coming? It’s like a slaughterhouse out there.

SAM (directing the blind gas victims across the stage.): That’s it. Just keep going, keep a hold on the person in front of you. Wait here; and the doc will be with you in just a minute.

(TOM enters supporting NATHAN both soldiers are covered with mud. TOM has a bandage on his head, NATHAN’S arm is draped over TOM’S shoulders; NATHAN has a dirty bandage on his leg, a large scrape on his face, and a cloth over his eyes like the other gas victims, neither SAM nor ELIZABETH recognize him he looks just like all the other soldiers.)

TOM (to Elizabeth): Excuse me ma’am, my friend here needs help-

ELIZABETH: I’ll be with you in a minute.

TOM: Please ma’am.

ELIZABETH: I said I’ll be with you in a minute. Can’t you see I’m busy?

TOM: I know that. I was just-

SAM: Come over this way. I’ll take a look at it. I’m sorry about my sister she’s just tired.

(SAM helps TOM and NATHAN to a cot where they lay NATHAN down.)

He’s in good hands why don’t you go get that wound of yours fixed. You can visit him later.

TOM: If you’re sure.

SAM: Don’t worry he’ll be in good hands.

(TOM exits. To NATHAN)

Hello there soldier. What’s your name?

NATHAN (delirious): Nathan, Nate.

SAM: My name is Samuel. I am the ambulance driver here at the hospital.

NATHAN: Sammy?

SAM: That’s right. I had a best friend with the name Nathan once. He was like an older brother to me. Now, I’m going to bring my sister over to have a look at your leg. It’s going to hurt, but I need you to stay with me. Okay? (Calling.) Hey sis I need you over here!

ELIZABETH. I’m a bit busy at the moment! What is it?

SAM: Gunshot wound to the leg, he’s running a pretty high fever, and has lost a lot of blood. I think you ought to come take a look at it.

ELIZABETH. Be there in just a sec-

(ELIZABETH crosses over to SAM and starts on NATHAN while SAM gives her information.)

SAM: The gas has rendered temporary blindness. However, with proper treatment, he should be able to see again in a few days. The leg wound is a different matter. It looks like 2 machine gun bullets; they’re out now, thanks to that soldier that brought him here. But, an infection’s starting to set in, and he’s been walking on it, which has caused a great deal of blood loss.

ELIZABETH. Alright, I’ll see what I can do.

NATHAN (sleepily/delirious): Elizabeth?

ELIZABETH: Yes. How do you know my name?

NATHAN (trying to focus): Lizzy? Lizabeth Daniels!

SAM: Nathan?

ELIZABETH (to Sam): What did you say?

SAM: Lizzy, you don’t think-

NATHAN: Elizabeth, Claire, Daniels?

ELIZABETH (realizing): Nathan? Nathan!

NATHAN (getting upset and, trying to sit up): David…he…I’m sorry Lizabeth. He was, I tried to save him- I should have protected- should have

ELIZABETH (forcing him to lay back down): It’s okay Nathan. Calm down, I need you to be calm for me all right? Sammy can you go grab my kit?

(SAM goes to get ELIZABETH’s medical kit.)

NATHAN (still agitated): I should have- Lizzy it’s my-my fault. I pro-promised.

ELIZABETH: Listen to me Nathan James O’Connell! You HAVE to calm down. It’s making your blood circulate faster. I have to stop the bleeding. Now be still!

(ELIZABETH succeeds with calming him down and NATHAN fidgets with his shirt pocket and pulls out the ring and places it her hand.)

NATHAN: Davy and I- we picked it out in Paris. I-I love you Elizabeth. Will-will you-

(NATHAN passes out and ELIZABETH rocks back in shock looking at the ring, SAM re-enters with the bag.)

SAM (hands over the bag): Here you go. Doc wants him in surgery now. Good, he’s out that will make it easier- (Noticing ELIZABETH is in shock.) What’s wrong?

ELIZABETH: Nathan, he gave me this. (ELIZABETH shows the ring to SAM.) I think he was going to ask me to marry him.

SCENE 12

(The field hospital a few days later, NATHAN is still in the cot but he’s sitting up now.)

ELIZABETH (holding the ring in her hand): I’m glad to see you made such a quick recovery Corporal…Nathan (Handing over the ring abruptly.) Here…I was wondering….were you going to-

NATHAN (pause, taking the ring and inspecting it): Elizabeth, (Beat.) I want to be fair to you. I need you to know that I- I’m not going to be the same person as before. Things scare me now, silly things; darkness, loud noises, and I can’t stop thinking about-

ELIZABETH (stopping him): I know what you mean. The hospital hasn’t exactly been pretty either. Nathan, it doesn’t matter. We’ll get through this together, all right? Listen, sometimes things in life will change us forever; and that’s okay. (ELIZABETH takes NATHAN’S head in her hands.) But the important thing is: that we don’t let those things define who we are.

NATHAN: Thanks Lizzy. (Awkward pause.) Um…I would get down on one knee, but I’m afraid that if I did; I wouldn’t be able to get back up. So is it alright-

ELIZABETH (laugh, impatient): Yes, just ask me.

NATHAN: Elizabeth, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I don’t know where I’d be without you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and- Will you marry me?

ELIZABETH: Oh Nathan, Yes!

NATHAN (hugging her): I love you Elizabeth.

ELIZABETH: I love you too Nathan.

NATHAN: Elizabeth and I got married at the Base hospital #18 in Bazoilles-sur-Meuse, France on November 8, 1918. Just three days later: on the eleventh hour, of the eleventh day, of the eleven month, the war ended. When we returned to the states: Sammy went to medical school to become a doctor, and later started a hospital for returning veterans.

As for me: I never was the same after the war. I still find myself thinking about those 190 soldiers in my company who never made it home; and that night Dave- when I had the German in my sights. I wanted to kill him, just like I had a hundred others! But when I looked down the barrel of the gun our eyes met, I couldn’t shoot him. I didn’t see that grimy, filthy, botch that killed my parents and my best friend. I only saw a wounded boy, not any more than fifteen years old, he was just trying to make it out alive….just trying to make it out….like me.

That night I learned that sometimes the enemy isn’t obvious; sometimes what you’re really fighting is yourself. Holding bitterness inside of you doesn’t help anyone, it doesn’t erase your problems, just like shooting that German soldier wasn’t going to bring Davy back.

Elizabeth and Dave were right; even though bone rattling events like war will change us forever we can’t let them beat us down and define who we are.


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Fri Dec 19, 2014 11:17 am
WaltzingDreams wrote a review...



Hello :) Sybil here...

First, I just want to say that I love it.

I love it so much because it got me in the actual scene of one of my favorite times in history. I've always been living in the past and somehow, this script feels so real to me, almost like we connect. I love the romance and the theme of friendship and promises that entwines the story. As a reader, I adore this!

As a writer, I praise your overall organization with everything here; the scene shifting wasn't that hard to imagine, the dialogue nicely befitting to the time setting, the characters were good enough to cry about when they died. I'd just suggest, like the other comments here is that you would describe the scenes more. How the stage is arranged and also the characters' costumes and other background info :)

Thank you so much for creating this! I've been craving for a war/pre-war read :D thanks for satisfying that....

-Sybil (WaltzingDreams)




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Thu May 16, 2013 10:45 am
Skydreamer wrote a review...



I like to break things down so they go from scene to scene. Also my changes usually are bolder.

SCENE 1

Travelers intending to embark on the Atlantic voyage are reminded that a state of war exists between Germany and her allies and Great Britain and her allies. Be aware, that the zone of war includes the waters adjacent to the British Isles and that, in accordance with formal notice given by the Imperial German Government, vessels flying the flag of Great Britain, or any of her allies, are liable to destruction in those waters, so any travelers sailing in the war zone on the ships of Great Britain or her allies do so, at their own risk.

I would suggest that in the end when Nathan is upset, you end it a bit more dramatically.

"NATHAN: (voice trembling) My parents are on that boat…my parents! They said they’d be back in a few days. It’s not true! It can’t be true!"

And then just leave it at that...or you could end it with:
...It can’t be true! How could they(meaning the Germans) do this!?

SCENE 2

*no need to use words like exasperated more than once*

NATHAN (laughs): you kept leaving the “s” out of laughs a lot in this...watch out for it! :)

“(NATHAN and FATHER exit. ELIZABETH enters on the balcony calling through the open fire escape window.)
ELIZABETH (calling off): You two ready for bed yet?
(EMMA and SAM appear in the window.)
EMMA: Yes.
ELIZABETH: Good. Samuel, are you sure that you washed your face? (Laugh, she tries to wipe it off, he tries to push her hand away unsuccessfully.) You still have dirt all over you! (Beat.) Now off to bed both of you! You have a busy day in the morning.” -

This is confusing because at first it seems like she is on the balcony, and then suddenly she is wiping off his face? :P You can explain it to me, because I am not so great with the olden day terms, you definitely did your research! :)

Personally I think out of all the scenes this one could have held the most detail and should have had more information. It was really cool that you were trying to sort of introduce the characters to your audience in this scene which was smart, but I felt that it was missing a lot more information and emotions and etc... Just when you re-analyze everything you've written and maybe want to add more information you can go ahead and just add it in Scene 2. :)


SCENE 3&4

I like the play on comedy you did between Sam and Nathan at the beginning of Scene 3 it made me laugh!

EMMA: To many, those poor people that…. -- Here is some personal advice, totally opinionated. So, I think that sentence would sound smoother as: EMMA: To many, all those poor souls that...

Then,

The switch from “...I joined up with the 42nd infantry division, of the 69th New York.” to...ELIZABETH: You did what?!?” -- don't forget to put a new scene, and describe it. :P Just that it is a play and it can't jump from him saying that, to her saying "You did what?!" and I would recommend just one question mark.

ELIZABETH (understanding- I would change this to- realizing): This is about your parents. Isn’t it? (No response) Isn’t it?! Understanding makes it like he said something the she understood, a realization is more from ones own deciphering.
NATHAN: So what if it is?! -

I would suggest you indent the (no response) so that it isn’t all packed in, and it shows that he did not respond.

Like: ELIZABETH (understanding): This is about your parents. Isn’t it?
(No response)
Isn’t it?!
NATHAN: So what if it is?!

Another reason why you should have changed the “scene” is that it could be confusing that suddenly from kids selling newspapers to Emma waking up crying. In the evening time. So, I would suggest definitely switching the “scene” (as in describing what happened after Nathan made his speech about actually wanting to go to the war. Maybe saying it is night time now, Elizabeth had just put her younger siblings to bed, and then the light comes on with Elizabeth saying “You did what?!”)

I need you to be brave for me, alright? (no need for the colon) Also, again her action (the little girls, does not have to be part of the sentence I would suggest you indent that as well. To separate it from what he’s saying. Also it’s a bit strange him going “All wars are stupid” to “It’s the right thing to do” I think adding a transition works well (I have an example but you can switch it around if you like, haha, not even sure my example works, but a transition is needed.)

So with all that said I suggest changing it to this: NATHAN: All wars are stupid. It’s just the right thing for me to do Emma, and I’d like for you to see that. I need you to be brave for me: alright?
(She nods)
That a girl. Do you want me to sit with you for a bit till you go back to sleep?

Or to this: NATHAN: All wars are stupid, but it’s the right thing for me to do, Emma, and I’d like for you to see that. I need you to be brave for me, alright?
(She nods)
That a girl. Now, do you want me to sit with you for a bit till you go back to sleep?

“Hey, Nathan?” -- remember the comma.

I think you ended this scene (3&4) really well, and I enjoyed this scene a lot, it was cute and yet serious. Very good, I was like picturing the play in my head. :D Also, though I would suggest adding that Lizzy was the one speaking like you did for Nathan, just so the reader is clear on that. And I would lastly suggest you combine scene 3 and 4 since they have a connection, and because scene 4 is way too short, but this is just my personal opinion.

SCENE 5

NATHAN: From Lizzy? - Instead of making it just like that I would suggest doing this: NATHAN: (perks up.) From Lizzy?

then,

DAVE: (smiles, laughs, smirks, grins, any emotion other than none. :P It’s important since this is not a story to let the reader, which would be the person acting out Dave, know exactly the response, or acting out that you the writer wants with the funny comment): Who else would it be from lover boy? (I know you can’t add emotion/action for every conversation but for those two I thought it fit.)
Like what you did with Nathan (him jumping up to get the letter) next was really good and fit the whole thing well!

So, back to this scene, did I mention that I love it?! Because I do! It’s a really good scene and I must say I really enjoyed it...
I liked how you did the whole, read the letter a loud thing, and you wrote the arrangement out really well! Also you brought the reader (or the audience) closer to your characters, with the letters in my opinion. Kudos to you on that.

SCENE 6

So scene 6 is get to know Emma and Sam. (I hope Emma’s okay! I’m writing this as I’m reading and I am worried for her!) So, this is interesting, I like the conversations. I feel like there needs to be a little bit more emotion, but I am not sure how you would add it. I do like the aspect of the whole “sun reminder” I thought that was cute! I am still not sure of their ages though, Sam and Emma, but I know they are young. Anyways, it’s a good scene, I liked it, and this:
"EMMA: I’m ready for them to come home. I miss them."
I loved this!! It made me so sad! Really good wording, with that one. I even had her accent in my head! :) My only suggestion would be to add an extra emotion to the sentence, like (she looked down) or (she sighed) or anything. Just a touch more emotion here and there would have been wonderful. But overall it’s a great scene!

SCENE 7
DAVE: Hey, Nate! - don’t forget your commas, or your punctuation!

NATHAN (irritated): “Hey” is for horses. - try to put some emphasis on the “hey” :)

In reviewing your work I learned the use of (beat.) :P So, my guess is that you could use (beat.) in this one:

DAVE: We’ve been on the road for at least 12 hours. (beat.) We should be getting close don’t you think?

-- Am I right? If I’m not it could just be
“We’ve been on the road for at least 12 hours, shouldn’t we be getting close?”

I just see that you’ve been using the ellipses a few times and, well, they are more for informal writing. And especially if you are using them to count space or time, which is what I figured you were using them for in that sentence. (I LOVE ellipses though and use them all the time, but not in my work, at least none that I can recall.)

DAVE: It’s obviously something just tell me. -- Could be -- DAVE: It’s obviously something, just tell me. or Obviously it is something, just tell me!

NATHAN: It’s the influenza. - hmmm...(informal in this case :P) I am not sure that you could say “the” influenza I think you would just say “It’s influenza” I don’t think there is a needed “the”.

DAVE: You didn’t want to worry me? She’s my little sister. I had a right to know. -- Is he angry, bothered irritated like Nathan was before? I want to know!

Dave, I need to tell you something….I guess ask you- Could be -- Dave, I need to tell you something or, I guess ask you-

AWW! :P that’s cute! :) (the whole marriage part)

DAVE: Don’t go there Nate. We can’t let this war beat us, ‘cause we’re going to beat this war! Agreed?
-- Now, I think that this sentence needs to be revised, mainly because he said “‘cause we’re going to beat this war!” that seems like a more childish response for a serious topic, and even Dave I am sure could man-up to that one. So my advice would be to change that last part to something a little more inspirational instead of just ‘oh we’re gonna beat the war!’ but something more special between the two of them. It’s could be a good moment between them. :) Just like the marriage part. And with that you could still include the fun and cute “Swords been drawn” interplay. :)

Be sure to include that Nathan started writing and that this is a new view or scene or whatever than the talk they were having the moment before.

(Pause as shell explodes.) - I love this. (not the fact that a shell is exploding, but the way you put it in-between the letter was very clever and fit the scene very well!)

DAVE: The plan changed. We need to go…..now -- again, I think it would be better without the ellipses -- “The plan changed. We need to go, now.” or “The plan has changed. We need to go, now!” to add emphasis.

SCENE 8

I have a question, why not include Elizabeth in the scene? I think it’s sad she has to look after other people when she can take care of her sister, since she is a nurse. Also I realized that your scene transition when the doctor comes in must mean that the lights went out on Emma right? Either way Emma would then have to play dead, and if that is the case, that should be included when you move to the next scene (I use the term scene for the in-between transitions, because I don’t know what I else to call it :P)

DOCTOR: We’re too late, I’m sorry. -- I’m sure that was just a typo.

ELIZABETH: (shocked and broken) Doctor there’s got to be something-
--Try to add emotion here and there. Not on every conversation, but on some, especially during a time like that.

“I’m sorry. I should never have left you! It’s all my fault. It’s all my fault.”
--Please, please add some emotion here, like he’s sobbing or something. It would help the reader and audience relate to the story more. With that said this was still very touching.

Finally though please remember about Elizabeth, her “I know, I know” (I suggest you use comma instead of the periods) in the end was quite bland, add some emotion or, spice it up as I like to say.

SCENE 9

no more:....’s! :P

"DAVE: No it’s not fine! I have been having the most terrible nightmares, and sometimes I see things: the rest of our company, the guys that didn’t make it. I see them sometimes, reaching out to me, like I can save them. I-I can’t do this anymore!" -- That was good writing.

Ahh...I see what you did there. :P I understand now the importance of the “cause we’re going to beat this war!” but I would still suggest you look it over and see if it really works for the moment. :)

Oh, that part is sad. I felt it when Dave died. :/ I couldn't stop reading!! Very well done with the emotions in that part. And I saw that you didn't let Nathan take the revenge that he had originally wanted to take. I am guessing that has something to do with what he told Sam about picking his battles, and not taking revenge. :)

I must say I’m not a fan of Elizabeth with the ending of this scene, you didn’t give her response to the letter but just moved on, I don’t think that makes her very relatable.

SCENE 10

ELIZABETH: Don’t we all! Go stand in line with the others.
-- I understand she is under a lot of stress, but this batters her personality just a bit for me. I mean, she’s a nurse working for wounded people. Couldn't she just call for someone else to work on him, or call say it a bit more politely. They could have just made a mistake.

Other than that though I think it was good how you made it to be a surprise that Nate was still alive it makes the story nice. :)

"NATHAN (sleepily/delirious): Elizabeth?
ELIZABETH: Yes. How do you know my name?" -- I like those two lines.

"NATHAN: Lizzy? Lizabeth Daniels!
ELIZABETH: Nathan? Nathan!" -- these two lines needs more emotion or description of emotion!!

Nice shock from Elizabeth in the end though! I could totally picture that. :)

SCENE 11

“That night I learned that sometimes the enemy isn’t obvious; sometimes what you’re really fighting is yourself. Holding bitterness inside of you doesn’t help anyone, it doesn’t erase your problems, just like shooting that German soldier wasn’t going to bring Davy back.”
-- Not only do I love this, but I was right!!! :D

Okay, so this was the longest piece I have ever reviewed completely. So, can I just say, WELL DONE! :D I haven’t written a script this long, and you did a marvelous job. Please do take my advice and look things over, but in general this was sweet and mushy and beautiful inside. :)

I really liked the ending when you talked about what happened with them getting married in the hospital and about Sam becoming a doctor I am so sure that Emma would have been so proud! :) I am so impressed with how well you managed to put this together, and I hope one day whether it be this script or any other, that people can actually act out one of your plays.

So yeah. My last advice would be to created a character chart and an introduction, and add it to the original document (or the one here if you want) so that in the beginning the reader (which would be the actors and producers) know exactly who is who. :) Usually there are introductions to plays and I think, that that would help the one reading jump into the story more quickly without wondering who’s who. :)

Great job overall!




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Wed May 15, 2013 2:25 am
DannieInkblotHanson wrote a review...



This was lovely, in every sense, first of all! Good job! Here are some things to think about.
Good:
Great plot. It was driving and interesting and overall very well-developed.
Your characters were all realistic, believable and likeable. Definitely have a lolcrush on Nathan now.
Good suspense throughout. I was really freaking out that he was going to die. I'm so glad that he didn't.
Fixables:
The biggest problem was that the style of talking was very modern, which isn't quite accurate to the time period. A lot of the slang used wasn't invented yet. But this is an easy fix and a good excuse to watch wonderful super-old movies.
There were a few grammatical errors. Several 'your's and 'you're's and 'their' 'there' 'they're's and the like

Good script! You did a good job!




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Thu May 09, 2013 3:33 am
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BluesClues wrote a review...



First of all: THANK GOD NATHAN DIDN'T ACTUALLY DIE. Because I was going to be SO PISSED if he did, because I'm pretty sure I'm in love with him. Also, I giggled when he said "Hey is for horses," because my mom used to say that all the time.

Also I approve of the character name "Elizabeth," but mostly because it's my name and also because I'm in love with Nathan. So it's a pretty awesome ship.

Okay, sorry. Had to get that out of my system.

With the way I got into this, I think you did a good job with characterization, because I actually cared about the characters. The action arose naturally and logically and the story progressed nicely.

There are several grammar mistakes or typos, but you can find those when you go back for revision. I'll just give you one or two to point you in the right direction:

"NATHAN: Sam, war is different than the storybooks it’s-"

There should be a period, comma, or semicolon between "storybooks" and "it's."

"ELIZABETH: This isn’t back alley’s Nathan"

"Alley's" should be "alleys." It's not possessive but plural!

Also, later on Elizabeth's surname is Daniels, but in the scene between Nathan and her father, Nathan calls her father "Mr. Orville." So you probably want to go back and change that.

The only bigger things I have to say are about Nathan's parents/the superhero thing and the build-up/length.

The death of Nathan's parents is a big deal in the first scene (obviously, since that's the whole plot of the first scene, if you will), but later it's only mentioned like twice: Once when Elizabeth's father insults Nathan's dad and once when Nathan decides to go off to war. But then once he's at war it kind of fades into the background, as does Nathan's hate of the Germans for killing his parents. I would suggest either bringing it back to the foreground or getting rid of it. On that note, the thing where Nathan tells Sam to remember the superhero thing disappears after a while. That could be brought up again when Emma dies, probably.

Now, for an entire play this is pretty short (unless it's a one-act play). I don't know how long you'd like it to be, but if you want it to be longer I have a few suggestions for that as well. One is, just bring up the Nathan's-parents-are-dead-and-he-hates-the-Germans thing and also the superhero thing more as mentioned previously.

Another is, show us more of the war! Specifically the scene where David dies (which could be ridiculously emotional, because I got pretty emotional just HEARING he had died) and Nathan goes missing. Of course you don't have to show us the part where Nathan goes missing, because then when Elizabeth gets the letter we'd already know he's not dead--but you could show us the part where David dies and then cut off the scene shortly after that to go to the letter.

Overall, though, I really enjoyed this. Hope my review helps!




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Sun Apr 28, 2013 9:46 pm
CarolineNaveen says...



Thanks so much for your input I really appreciate it. I went through and updated the draft using your suggestions and will continue to revise it.




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Sun Apr 28, 2013 5:11 pm
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mightaswellbuyacat wrote a review...



I really really liked this. It was incredibly realistic and does not in any ways glamorize war like it so often is now a-days. I liked how well developed your character's were, they felt like real people. I did think something else was going to happen with Elizabeth's dad but that's okay. I few things I found..
-some of the language you have used is too modern for the time period but you do a good job at keeping it 1918 most of the way through
-you in some places use the wrong 'you're' so I'd go through and check for that (it should be your)
-one of your brackets says Elizabeth looks at Will...just wondering who that is?
-keep up your name capitalization throughout the piece there was defiantly one Elizabeth where for coninutiy's sake it should be ELIZABETH
Apart from those things this is a good piece :)
Happy writing!





No spring nor summer beauty hath such grace as I have seen in one autumnal face.
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