Published September 5, 2011
Somewhere in somewhere land lives a ponderous beach that I stumbled to cross on by.
I was so happy but I couldn’t yell or cry.
When the day was dying I saw an angel crying, she was sad to say a final goodbye to a fabulous day and a fabulous life.
Chorus-
When the day was dying, I saw an angel crying cause when the day is over and done, she would have to hitch a train ride and run to a new life, a college life!
Cause when the day ended she would have to start a new life, a college life!
I could only say you can’t stay in yesterday and it was probably time for her too move on.
She stared at me blankly as if I stood their nakedly. I stared at her life she was my wife and imagined taking her dress off with a knife.
Chorus-
When the day was dying, I saw an angel crying cause when the day is over and done, she would have to hitch a train ride and run to a new life, a college life!
Like as if we had all the time in the entire universe, we sat on the beach and watched a cloud man shoot his gun. Rather than hitch off into the concrete wilderness, we stayed and watched the velvet sun flee.
We watched as the stars fill the skies with glee.
Chorus-
When the day was dying, I saw an angel crying cause when the day is over and done, she would have to hitch a train ride and run to a new life, a college life!
Too bad we couldn’t spend entirety this way…
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Somewhere in somewhere-land, the word seems weird at first read- maybe this’ll help lives a ponderous beach that I stumbled to cross on by.- the grammar and structure here is odd
I was so happy but I couldn’t yell or cry.
When the day was dying I saw an angel crying, she was sad to say a final goodbye to a fabulous day and a fabulous life.
Chorus-
When the day was dying, I saw an angel crying cause when the day is over and done, she would have to hitch a train ride and run to a new life, a college life! Omg, this sentence was so- well, it was very articulate, I’ll quote this If I get to be valedictorian:D
Like as if we had all the time in the entire universe, we sat on the beach and watched a cloud man shoot his gun.- I didn’t get this- who’s cloudman Rather than hitch off into the concrete wilderness, we stayed and watched the velvet sun flee.
We watched as the stars fill the skies with glee.This portion rhymed amazingly
Too bad we couldn’t spend entirety this way…Ah- regrets!! Well, maybe cause its lyrics the redundancy and change in POV and glitches in rhyming don matter but see to it that you check on that with others who hear it as a song. And if you wrote the sentences shorter it’d be easier to interpret, read and understand the flow. Hpe this helps
That was nice......like really really really Really really really reaaaaalllyyy nice!
You did a good job with this one. But actually, it may be improved! It's really good, but it could be waaayy better.Try rewriting it again.
Hello CardDragon!
Shouldn't it be 'see'? And this: Shouldn't it be 'shoot'? Other than these, I found imagery pretty neat and the words, very heart-warming. Keep it up!This lyric you wrote speaks alot about, us, people who are about to move onto college and leave all memorable things behind. I have two questions though: