Unnoticed
and undisturbed,
silently fluttering
under the shadow of
The Monarch.
Expecting only recognition
from predator,
admiration unheard,
unknown.
Cabbage Butterfly,
Like a moth,
discarded like a
pest.
Take flight for free
for finish.
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Canary word: Present
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137,527 Literary Works • 672,042 Reviews
Hello!
I had to review this as, in fact, I love cabbage moths. Not butterflies, the moths, which made the lines about moths being discarded like pests humorous. It is so true that they get shafted on the scale of butterfly/moth recognition.
Having now looked up cabbage butterflies, they do look like cabbage moths! It's good to learn something new.
I like the way The Monarch is capitalized, as it conflated the monarch butterfly with actually monarchy, which made me laugh.
'Like a moth,' should probably be 'like a moth,' based on the formatting of the rest of the poem.
Some of the rhythm here feels 'off'. Reading it out loud, there are line breaks or word placement that reads in an unnatural fashion. 'silently fluttering/in the shadow of/', for instance.
Despite that, the unique lines *are* divided in a way that makes sense. Each line feels like it is supposed to be a line, either due to the completion of the phrase or by the way the line is separated from the rest of it. For instance, dividing 'The Monarch' off works because it feels like a dramatic reveal of a villain, which does make the fact that it's a butterfly funnier.
The last two lines don't make much sense. The alliteration in them is poetic, but the lines as a whole neither sound good nor make sense as a sentence. Those will need rewriting.
Overall, I like the subject matter of this poem and appreciate getting to learn new things, but it could use work yet.
Thank you very much for this review!
Hey there! Akelia here for a review!
So there wasn't much here for me to reveiew, as is with poems, but here's some of the stuff I noticed. I usually do my reviews with a sour/sweet, so here we go.
Sour: I noticed that a lot of the first words of the lines weren't capitalized, which can bug quite a lot of people. Also, it was kind of hard to follow along as the poem could flow a bit better.
Now on with the sweet!
Sweet: I love butterflies. Period. I really liked how you used a lot of words to describe the butterflies, that actually described them in real life. It's kind of nice.
Anyway, nice job! Keep it up!
-Akelia Taske
Thank you very much!:)
This is great o/
Most appreciated!