Maybe I should just go back to bed,
Maybe I should stop caring, and stop wondering.
Saying this is easy; it's the execution that gives me a hard time.
Because what if I don't wake up to my alarm tomorrow?
Or what if my speech goes bad, or I end up talking to them, or I forget my locker combination again?
It's these things that won't get out of my head,
It's these things that make it impossible to go back to bed.
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140,778 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
Nice! It was a simple but good poem. Even at night I find myself asking these questions and wondering what to do. This poem is very good because almost everyone can relate to this. I find your work interesting and would love to read more of your work. You could be an exceptional poet if you just had a little more practice. But what do I know? I am a terrible poet!
Keep writing!
From,
Buddy886551
Hey captainsoth!
I'm Hanorah and I'll be reviewing your poem today!
I'd like to take this opportunity to welcome you to young writers society! I'm sure you'll enjoy your time on hear, if you have any questions, feel free to ask me. It hard to start out, so I followed.
I loved this poem, and I can defiantly relate to it, I'm actually even going through this right now since I'm just starting a new year (exam year at that!)
One bit of criticism, when you wrote:
'Or what if my speech goes bad, or I end up talking to them, or forget my locker combination again?'
Should be laid out like:
Or what if my speech goes bad,
or I end up talking to them,
or forget my locker combination again?'
Other than that, well done, 9/10
~keep writing
Nice poem, Captain! Haha.
I can relate to this poem. I feel this way often, especially before the first day of school. The feeling of nervousness was portrayed well in this piece. My favorite line would be:
Maybe we should stop. But the question is, will we be able to stop? I know that I can't. When my mind gets started, it won't stop anytime soon.
The only thing that jumped out at me saying 'Critique me!' was in the third line.
~ 'Saying these things is easy;'
I believe the 'is' should be replaced with an 'are'. Or, that part can be reworded to sound less odd. If said aloud, it just feels weird, don't you think?
That's it! Thanks for the great read. Happy writing, Captain.
Yours till the Chocolate Chips,
Snow
Ahoy, Snow!
Looking back, I definitely agree that there was weird wording there. I switched it to "Saying this is easy", I think that sounds a bit less awkward.
Thanks for reading and the feedback!
That definitely sounds better. By the way, welcome to YWS! I didn't realize you just joined today. I hope you enjoy your stay.
Thanks! So far it looks like a pretty top site.
I like this poem. It is not deep and symbolic, but highly relateable. I have a younger sibling who also faces anxiety before that first week of school. Who dosent? There is so much to worry about- homework, teachers, friends. This poem depicts that nervous energy that even I myself have experienced. The best solution afterall is to go to bed, to give your mind a break. Thanks for sharing!