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no longer belongs to me.

by CannonBallBaker

Published November 19, 2010

The air passes through the clothes I wear,
eyes, tightened as loopholes,
protect themselves from the sky moved,
Flight. Been torn from the ground.
I become matters of eternal,
The memory is lost, spreading
at a speed of a destructive cloud ,
all have me, nobody owns me,
in my hands no longer belongs to me.

Comments & reviews · 6
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CannonBallBaker Comment
CannonBallBaker commented Comment · Nov 29, 2010

SporkPunk wrote:Hi CannonBall!

So, I like this. The syntax, in my opinion adds to the poem. I saw where you said that what you've posted is from Italian, so I won't correct grammar. I can't think of any nitpicks. Keep writing!

--Leslie



Yes, i'm italian and so i always write in that language.. these are only some translation taken from italian.. :)
i'm writing a book, i thought to add some parts of it to this website, but i think that it would be very difficoult to translate it.. anyway, thanks and good work :)

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SporkPunk
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SporkPunk commented Comment · Nov 28, 2010

Hi CannonBall!

So, I like this. The syntax, in my opinion adds to the poem. I saw where you said that what you've posted is from Italian, so I won't correct grammar. I can't think of any nitpicks. Keep writing!

--Leslie

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CannonBallBaker Comment
CannonBallBaker commented Comment · Nov 20, 2010

Solvalery wrote:Hello, buddy! :D I understood the poem, and I can't locate the grammar errors! o___o But I guess it's because Italian and Spanish are a bit alike, so I'll leave those to native speakers! xD But one thing I want to tell you is I don't think titles should have periods and it should have capital letters! Like this: "No Longer Belongs to Me"! But other than that I like it! Keep writing! :D

-Soly



Yes, Italian and Spanish, in grammar, they resemble a lot. :)
I tried with this poem, to communicate that, "being part of the eternal" is much more important, that they have.
be remembered is what everyone wants for themselves. :D

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GeeLyria
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GeeLyria wrote a review Review · Nov 19, 2010

Hello, buddy! :D I understood the poem, and I can't locate the grammar errors! o___o But I guess it's because Italian and Spanish are a bit alike, so I'll leave those to native speakers! xD But one thing I want to tell you is I don't think titles should have periods and it should have capital letters! Like this: "No Longer Belongs to Me"! But other than that I like it! Keep writing! :D

-Soly

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CannonBallBaker Comment
CannonBallBaker commented Comment · Nov 19, 2010

rememberme wrote:I become matters of eternal,The memory is lost, spreadingat a speed of a cloud destructive, This part doesnt make any sense to me. I dont understand the part "cloud destructive"? And you also need to add periods and their are alot of grammar errors. I like it though I think it is very unique(:



I have to apologize:)
The fact is that I am Italian, everything that I have shared here, are derived from Italian, so they have some grammatical errors.
the speed of a destructive cloud, alludes to the atomic bomb, which spreads very rapidly. :)

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rememberme
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rememberme wrote a review Review · Nov 19, 2010

I become matters of eternal,The memory is lost, spreadingat a speed of a cloud destructive, This part doesnt make any sense to me. I dont understand the part "cloud destructive"? And you also need to add periods and their are alot of grammar errors. I like it though I think it is very unique(:



Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.
— Joseph Campbell