You bought me a rose -
I was filled with such fire it was as if I was a furnace.
I cherished this rose.
I filled a jar with water, listening as it batters the bottom,
scratching desperately wanting to escape.
Delicately, I placed the infamous rose in and set it on a pedestal.
I exposed its' beauty to the world, exclaiming my fondness and admiration for it.
Two days! They say "It's wilting."
"No! Hush, its' perfect." I say while looking through closed eyes.
They tried to tell me -
I should've listened.
I was chained into seeing ugly beauty
captured in a trance
hypnotic love
You leave.
The last petal falls and I finally see the rot that has taken over my home.
spreading like lies.
I see you
you smile
and laugh
and joke
and look happy
why aren't you as miserable as me
me, the one who carries rocks in her stomach
the damp cold a feeding ground for weeds and vines
vines that wrap around my heart
pulling until it rips from my veins and deflates while the blood pools out green
who is she?
I wonder, I ask, I scream
I've became a hurricane you can't see
I go in like a shark
the wooden fishing boat looks delicious.
but a seahorse pulls me back as I see not one but two souls entwined.
I back away into the dark cold yet again, watching, waiting.
then I see it
a rose
you hand it to her with a kiss placed upon her cheek
and my fins turn to arms and legs
and my teeth to gold
I'm drowning
I'm dying
I've become our rose.
- D.F
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,368 Literary Works • 674,383 Reviews
Hey there CandlelightKitty28! Selina here from DoubleRiders to review your work.
The last five lines were a bit confusing as well... you turn from a fish to a human with gold teeth to a rose...? Poetry is supposed to be mysterious, with hidden meanings that only the writer catches, but it also has to make enough sense to the reader so they are held captive by the mystery, not looking at their screens confused 
First off I will start by saying that it’s good to see writers who take the time to think a bit while expressing their emotions. Poetry is beautiful, but a lot of people write it and the poem sounds whiny or cliche. Emotion is a big part of poetry, but so is patience. You need patience to sit and think about the best way (and most unique way) to express your emotions. Although using the rose is done so much in love/break up poems, you had a unique touch to yours which was good. I was a little confused with the whole “seahorse” thing, as I see most people were. And also the wooden fishing boat looking delicious... sharks eat meat and usually only destroy boats to get the people inside
Well, that is all I have for you. Awesome job! I seriously look forward to reading more of your work! That’s all for now.
~ DoubleRiders~
Heart touching, really felt the emotions of the person. I love the metopher and the way you described the rose. Definitely inspirational. As said in a few reviews, the line ‘but a seahorse pulls me back’, it confuses me because who is the seahorse? And also the line ‘and my teeth to gold’, there smart and beautiful metaphors but I’m slightly confused. Other than that it’s amazing, keep writing.
Heart touching, really felt the emotions of the person. I love the metopher and the way you used the rose to describe the emotion. Definitely inspirational. As said in a few reviews, the line ‘but a seahorse pulls me back’, it confuses me because who is the seahorse? And also the line ‘and my teeth to gold’, they're smart and beautiful metaphors but I’m slightly confused. Other than that it’s amazing, keep writing!
This is a great poem, and I loved it. It was great, it is definitely one of the better poems I've seen, however,
I felt like the phrase, "but a seahorse pulls me back" Didn't make much sense, at least, to me, it didn't.
Second, you forgot a couple commas and question marks, maybe go through it again.
That's all! I'm sorry if this came across as harsh, it was a really good poem! Keep writing, and have fun doing it!
Beautiful.