the happiest days of my life

by Cameron
  • August 9, 2007
  • Poetry
  • Dramatic

The happiest days of my life:

sun, unfiltered, cascading through the vacant
windows.

A tender gaze of light, a silk sheet
with which to shelter our nakedness
in glorious sincerity.

Love, an energy that cannot be broken,
but dispersed

-- shattered, like splintered light; shards that
rustle like the intake of breath in absolute silence.

Our bodies bending stillness like a bow, taking flight,
exciting the urge to feel, be felt and smile

in moments sensed, and known, forgotten,
then remembered.

Comments & reviews · 2
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
Emerson
Review
Emerson wrote a review · Sat Aug 11, 2007 12:22 am

Love, an energy that cannot be broken,
but dispersed

-- shattered, like splintered light; shards that
rustle like the intake of breath in absolute silence.
I don't really like this sentence, the way it is punctuated and everything, it feels kind of wrong, like it isn't a complete sentence or perhaps should be rewritten or something. Look at it like this: "Love, an energy that cannot be broken, but dispersed--shattered, like splintered light; shards that rustle like the intake of breath in absolute silence." I mean.. you used a semicolon and an EM dash in the same sentence. That's kind of outrageous to me. You have two metaphors in it, too. I don't know, it doesn't work for me.

Otherwise, it was OK. Isn't much my kind of poetry, I guess.

User avatar
something euclidean
Review
something euclidean wrote a review · Fri Aug 10, 2007 1:03 pm

I enjoyed reading this and I enjoyed how the voice behind this is different from a lot of these poems; it was more sedate and direct, light and dignified, maybe even a bit sad. I think the contrast makes this poem. It doesn't get flowery and long and flowy and it doesn't get too excited. Logically, you might say it doesn't fit, but it reads well and the feel is important.

The ending I don't like as much; there are clear images throughout, and they're fresh - bodies like a bow is a nice one, as well as the light that goes through the whole poem -- but the ending idea of "forgotten then remembered" is one I've seen a lot. It's brief and general, not worded in any new way, and doesn't add as much as it needs to at the end.



Almost all absurdity of conduct rises from the imitation of those whom we cannot resemble.
— Samuel Johnson