Published August 9, 2006
It is peaceful here
The soft ground littered with pine needles
The pines reaching up into the darkened glade
Foreboding,
until you enter
And it seems that you are swallowed alive by it
In its entirety you are consumed
Until your are part of it
Until you swell from the earth,
Snaking like a living thing
Stretching off into the canopy
Indistinguishable,
yet all at once--
everywhere.
Everything that is seen in a fleeting glimpse
But there is still that which evades you
Exists within what you cannot see or understand
Within uncompleted concepts,
invisible molds into which pours life.
The gentle sun,
settling down like a mist upon the leaves
Filtering down
As if the air itself was aflame by its' light
And falling as ashes to the forest floor
Lit up in a momentary brilliance
Before they drift out of the light and are lost
Simplistic almost in the pleasure it affords.
How time seems slowed by the density of the undergrowth
To fall into a slumber,
lulled by the abrupt halt of concept.
Time who also seems momentarily distracted by the sight
Slows its walk,
stops and settles to the ground,
Eyes open in wonderment.
Life abounds
and in its abrupt halt in time,
it defies time and finds an end to itself
That which I have so unwillingly wandered into,
and am so reluctant to depart.
So I will sit and wait
until I too have drifted outside of time.
Sitting in this lovely glade.
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141,285 Literary Works • 674,333 Reviews
This poem is pretty to read. Most of the line breaks are okay, but you're still missing punctuation in several places, which makes it difficult to read. The reader should not need to guess how you want the poem phrased. I would suggest you read it slowly aloud, and typically when there's a pause, you need a comma. When there's a complete stop, place a period. This doesn't always work, but it usually does.
I look forward to reading more of your work.
What did you, did you not like about it?
That wasn't too bad, but confusing at times. It's missing some apostrophes in some places though, and the "..." are annoying to read.
"So I will sit and wait until I too have drifted outside of time
Lying in this lovely glade"
Are you sitting or lying down?
By the way, you would get more reviews if you reviewed others' work.