Published January 23, 2007
Azure irises curve the length of the world,
glinting wonder cascading down
in colors that evade the artists’ palette.
Wild and untamed, bent from strain;
his feelings soar with eagles and brood
in caverns whose air has not touched
the lungs of men. Gathering strength
from unquenchable river beds,
the magic sparks from his fingers,
rippling along his body and surging
across the arc of his mind.
She stands in portrait stillness,
shimmering eyes see colorless
shades founded in steel sheens
of neutrality, a daily vaccine
against relentless uncertainty
beating against strained levees.
This world’s austerity is cold
falling like snow that erodes
from her obstinate mindset
that is expressed by an alphabet,
twenty six letters that fits cleanly
the mould of all life’s verity.
His eyes saw what hers refused to see.
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141,413 Literary Works • 674,393 Reviews
Lovely! The imagery is fantastic!
Such silly wretches as me cannot always grasp all of it, but I marvel at what I read. The colors and images you described were intensely effective. I swear I could see them behind my eyes! It's one of the rare works that completely unleashes your imagination, and the world needs more like it. I say write another!
Keep up the wonderful work!
Mmm. A tad difficult to chew, but still delicious. I liked some of the images and ideas in here, but I'm not really sure what this poem is about. Contrasting people or paradigms? I suppose that last line might have something to do with it. It doesn't have to be italicized; the fact that it's separate from the above stanza is enough to show the reader that it's important.
Is it supposed to rhyme? Some of the lines in the second stanza seemed like attempts at rhyme, but I couldn't be sure.
The biggest thing getting in your way here is the overuse of ten-dollar overly descriptive words. Example:
Nearly every noun in that phrase has an adjective with it just choppifying the whole thing. Yeah, looks like every noun except "neutrality". I'm sure it's a beautiful image, it's just covered up by all these words.
Other than those bits, great stuff!
Colleen