Against the Grain

Although this has some beautiful images and some very poignant statements, I couldn't hang on to it. This needs a situation, a place, something for the reader to firmly set his or her feet on before exploring what you have to say. What you said was well done! I just wish it had been a little more tangible, less fleeting.

The part where the speaker addresses God really pulled me in by the hair and knocked the breath out of me - in a good way. "God,/wouldn't it be nice if we found paradise?" I really adore that part for some reason. It's memorable.

Enough with experimenting in
the hush of sleep, we cannot

Hmm, is a comma proper here? If you're trying to say "Enough" as in "Enough with this!" perhaps it should be an exclamation point (I feel it would be justified there) or a period or semicolon. Probably a semicolon, as it would disrupt the flow the least.

Enough with experimenting in
the hush of sleep, we cannot
turn back against the current, nor
will the oceans freeze, so we must
loosen our hearts.

"Enough with experimenting in the hush of sleep..." I wasn't entirely sure - does this mean dreaming? Enough with dreaming, we can't go against the current and the oceans aren't going to freeze, so we have to loosen our hearts.

This was truly enjoyable work; I think you present some great points about how we live our lives and dwell on memory.
Colleen

This is very good, I really enjoyed reading it. I think I got the jist of it, and I thought it flowed very well.

Cameron wrote: If we only knew that
memory is illumined merely by a dying
candle and it’s by this soft light that
we idly sit and mourn the living
and consecrate our dead.

This was the only thing I had anything to say about. I think you should put some commas there, without them it feels a bit rushed.

Overall it was great. Keep up the good work.