Looking back now I can see you and me,
How wild and free we were,
Just thinking about how we use to runaway,
Put’s me back on this high that knocks me clear off my feet.
Although your gone now you still live on in my heart,
Oh how you touched my heart in more then one way,
Words can just not express how much your faith in me gave me the courage to push through all these obstacles that were in my way.
Now I’m free and I owe it all to you for showing me that love can truly lead the way.
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Canary word: Present
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Thanks you guys i'll work on it again this poem was just a rough draft. Thanks for your advice though...
Christina
I definitely agree with Dream about the grammar and the second-to-last sentence, but in some other sentences, the order in which you placed the words doesn't sound as good as what they could if you changed their order:
Put’s me back on this high that knocks me clear off my feet.
I think this should be: It puts me back on the high that knocked me clear off my feet.
Oh how you touched my heart in more then one way,
Change: You touched my heart in more than one way. "Oh how" is too melodramatic for a serious poem.
Words can just not express how much your faith ...
Take out the word "just".
All this is just what sounds better to me. You have a beautiful poem though and its effect is pretty strong already.
This is nice, with good, honest emotion. But please go through and edit your grammar. There's a bunch of mistakes that take away from the overall impact of the piece. Also, I would strongly recommend breaking up the second-to-last line, the really long one. At that point it shatters the flow at the end of the piece.