The Dead Toreador

Hey Cally,

Toreador is a new word for me -- I like it! I'm used to using & seeing 'matador' It wasn't until I had to look up what the title meant that I fully felt the impact of this poem, as I couldn't quite place the setting/actions without that background knowledge.

I do like it though, and I feel like there's a heightened suspense and a lot of action that takes place in few words. Probably what I would suggest to possibly clean this up is not to make it so choppy, because while I understand the short lines to speed up the pace -- the entire poem is almost written in fragments and that creates a really choppy effect. Speed and pacing is important, but that is accomplished through the short lines alone, and you're definitely able to have
a sentence
continue from one
line to the next
in a smooth
transition, like so.

But when you have fragments:
he ran
and jumped
skipped a rock
fell to the ground
rolled down a hill
dirt in his pants
collided with a trunk

it becomes sort of list-y, and less action-y. So yeah, I think this could definitely use a bit of smoothing over, but other than that - a great concept for a piece and great descriptions! I hope this helped!

~ as always, Audy

Ooh. That was a twist ending I didn't expect!

So, for the positive. I loved the colors in this. You brought out the colors of the audience, the red, and the skin of the bull in full vividness. I liked that you had the tendency to go for verbs to keep the action of the scene alive and a priority.

But the first problem is that you didn't let the tension build enough. I know that there's tension in the preparation for the battle, especially to the revealing of the bull. But after he came out, there were only eight lines before the battle was over and you rushed the poem to a close.

I also wonder if you might bring a more specific character to the mateador. He promises and hopes and dreams, but we all do. He is an individual, so his thoughts have to be different from ours and from the other people in his profession, so can you give as a clue as to how that might be? We want to learn about him as a person so we actually care about him when he falls. Lots of people die every day, but we don't really care about those stories unless the move us on a personal level, and in order to build that in the space of a poem, we need details.

I hope this is helpful to you!
Please PM me if you have any questions or comments about this review~
Good luck and keep writing~

Hello there

I know this painting, and I've just gotta say that this poem is almost a mirror for that piece of art. It's beautifully done and almost seems like some sort of a literary companion-piece to the painting.

You fill out the character of the Toreador. Your descriptions of the way he feels in that moment before he comes face to face with the "ebony beast" is wonderful. You humanize the Toreador and make him more relatable to readers of the poem. There is also a great quantity of emotions in the poem, although this may not be instantly recognizable to the readers. It's all very subtle, and this is another skill of yours...the ability to not say too much, to say it just right, with enough power.

I also need to mention the way tension is built throughout the poem. Not only is the titular character extremely nervous, but the tension is built up in many other ways e.g. when you mark the arrival the beast by describing it as "Stalking / Menacing / Impending." These are great lines, they almost make me nervous for him, although the outcome is already known.
The ending of the poem was as good as the rest of it

Overall, this is a great piece. Do continue writing

I am familiar with the piece of art the poem describing/inspired by. This is a really beautiful insite into another beautiful art work. I'm not sure how much the italicizes add, but I do like in the last 6 lines how you formated the "down/he/falls" very creative! The last line too, PERFECT!

Your poem is vague, but emotional, and draws up a very exciting but scared tone, and you can see the man proud but dead lieing in the arena. You use great language as well, and overall I just love the idea of writing a poem inspired by art! Pretty original, and creative!

Great job, and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future!!

~alliyah