Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
The cold morning ostensibly never left, the larks had hidden in winter’s breath, the soldier boys came marching down, and nothing was free from winter’s crown. The sing-song birds had all left them there. Jack clutching onto life in despair, fighting his own battle, not one of heart, but of head. Some days, he’d rather just lay down dead.
Sam would always hold his brother close to his heart, though, he would feel that they had been drifting apart. His once joyful brother was now down in the glums, the cold winter air burning their lungs. Every shot, every bullet, every kill, every cry, every groan,every moan, all turned into a monotone drone. The days were harsh, the nights were harsher. Thoughts swimming though Jack’s head, would no longer create joy and laughter. He just wanted to be dead.
Heavy footsteps in the midnight frost, Jack would soon receive a soldier’s cross. Not a medal, not a badge, but a painted wooden plaque. The war had taken its toll on poor boy Jack, he was bound to crack. Crack he did, a gun now to his head, he wished he’d stayed at home safe in his bed. Lightning flashed and thunder crashed. A bang, a splash. A cry, a dash. A brother’s mourning, winterly rain pouring.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
I love the eloquency of the language used. I guess that this poem is about death? I assume that Jack and Sam are brothers and you juxtapose both their experiences - it is evident that both brothers are lonely for Jack you mention that even the 'sing-song birds had all left them there,' while Sam's experience of being confronted with death is implied by his train of thought:
Although they both are 'drifting apart,' they are both paralleled with their experiences of war and its 'monotone drone.' This absurdity is concluded with Jack recieving a soldier's cross which is 'not a badge, but a painted wooden plaque,' implying I guess Jack's death?
The ending is very lyrical, with its caesuras punctuated throughout it is remniscient of the life's cycle.i love how you conclude the ending with parallism : I think it reinforces the fact that their experiences of being close to death alienates them from the living : even 'the sing-song birds had left them there.'
This is a really amazing and moving piece I loved it.
Thank you so much!
Hello! DragonNoir here for a review!
I think I'm into too many deep stories. But this one is absolutely amazing and effective! The language used and the overall theme is just presented amazingly. Personally, I think you could make this more elaborate; how did they end up in the army in the first place? How did Jack's parents react to their son's death?
Overall, a very deep, effective and awesome piece of writing! To improve... Just keep doing what you're doing, because it creates amazing pieces like this!
I hope my review helped
Thank you for the review! It certainly helped, thanks for the pointers. ^w^