In Court Knoll, we have something called the Silent Highwaymen. They wait on the roads leading into your small town, searching for the perfect victims. You never see their faces. You never hear them speak. It's a "your money or your life situation". The more money you have, the longer you'll live. They remind me of a younger pre-prisoner-of-war version of myself. every night when I empty the towns folks' dreamcatchers, or clean the daggers kept under their pillows, the silent highwaymen always make an appearance. I watch the dreams like television from my cottage in Willowtree Clearing, because I'm banished, unable to do anything but watch from the sidelines. Apparently, I'm a threat to the Ostworld. So what if I'm an ex career killer? The sands of time have changed me or whatever. I just want to be normal again. Anyway.
My reason for writing this is simple. You're going to need some help. If there's one thing I know for sure, and it's that the highwaymen want to broaden their horizons. The tales of the highwaymen will one day reach your ears, and tales of you will one day reach them. I'm going to give you some advice.
Don't trust the trees. They always promise to keep you secrets under lock and key, but at some point, the wind will come knocking. She'll be crying, and the trees will tell her stories to cheer her up. Yours may be he perfect tale. When the wind is laughing again, she'll leave the trees to tell you that the world's most notorious secret merchant now holds your deepest untold truth.
Don't dance with the wind. Like I said, world's most notorious secret merchant, she'll run your stories around the world, offering to the highest bidder. You really don't want the wind whispering in the wrong person's ear. She'll sing you lullabies, but don't fall for it. She's friends with the silent highwaymen - like, they're seriously tight.
Even though I'm not too sure if you have 'em, don't hang out with pixies. They live in trees. And you know how that'll end.
To you I probably sound like a crazy chick, and who knows, I probably am. And I know, I know, I keep going on about the highwaymen, but that's serious dark magic they're using, the kind that I doubt your world can handle. Sorry. The truth hurts.
Oh, and by the way, I'm Fallon Grace. You'll be hearing more from me soon.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
I am looking forward to hearing more about the highwaymen. This world seems so deep and layered, like I could spend hours just reading endlessly on lore. And that seems to be what you're giving the readers so I'll just sink into my obsessive happy place. Thanks for giving me a boatload of rich fantasy! I love it!
Benvenuto and top of the morning to you, NympheaLily here!
This is a great start to a well developed story. By the tone of voice you use during this segment, it seems like you already have something big planned. I'm excited to read more, if and when you continue to post. This seems to be a fantasy, action adventure, kinda sci-fi too.
This seems more of a prologue than an actual chapter (if it even is a chapter) and you would kind of want to start the story off on what was happening at the moment. All of these are just suggestions and you don't have to take them.
All around, I couldn't see any big punctuation, grammar, spelling, or format errors. The story line is coming along very well and I would love if you expanded on these 'silent highwaymen' more in your later works. Keep me posted and as always, KEEP THOSE FINGERS TYPING!
Ciao!
~NympheaLily
Thanks so much! I'll think about your suggestion and continue!!
Calla xx