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16+ Language Mature Content

The Reaper of Children Innocence

by Caiteb


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and mature content.

Humans with your mental state disgust me

You aren’t human

You're a filthy disgusting freak

Doing such a heinous crime

Ruins the survivor’s life

I am not a victim

I am not weak

I are strong

I beat that mental battle every day

I are survivors

Did you ever think of what you are destroying

You destroyed me

Every night

Years later

I still can’t move past

I still have the night terrors

You ruined me

My self picture

My self worth

You are sick

You are wicked

Your sinister actions broke me

But I will not let my past plan for my future

Everytime those atrocious memories come back

I sink

To the bottom of the sea

I tremble

Tremble at the flashbacks

But I am not weak

I’m a survivor

I build myself up every time

Did you ever think what you were doing was evil

I doubt it

A villain like you doesn't feel remorse. 


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430 Reviews


Points: 46350
Reviews: 430

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Wed Oct 20, 2021 10:14 pm
Plume wrote a review...



Hey there! Plume here, with a review!

I enjoyed reading this poem! I thought your last line was especially killer. I took it to mean that this poem is about someone who probably hurt the speaker in some way in the past. The poem takes on both an inspiring and somewhat of a vengeful tone, too. It definitely gives off the vibe of a phoenix emerging from the ashes, or the narrator emerging from their own ruins caused by someone else to grow to become better. I liked the message a lot, and I think your strong vocabulary especially when describing the object of the poem worked really nicely to support that message.

One thing I did wonder about was whether this poem could benefit from stanzas. Right now, it reads as one long thing, which isn't necessarily bad, but I feel like it would be interesting to see how stanzas change the way you read the poem. If I were putting in stanzas, I'd probably do it something like this:

Humans with your mental state disgust me

You aren’t human

You're a filthy disgusting freak

Doing such a heinous crime

Ruins the survivor’s life

I am not a victim

I am not weak

I are strong

I beat that mental battle every day

I are survivors

-

Did you ever think of what you are destroying

You destroyed me

Every night

Years later

I still can’t move past

I still have the night terrors

You ruined me

My self picture

My self worth

-

You are sick

You are wicked

Your sinister actions broke me

But I will not let my past plan for my future

Everytime those atrocious memories come back

I sink

To the bottom of the sea

I tremble

Tremble at the flashbacks

But I am not weak

I’m a survivor

I build myself up every time

-

Did you ever think what you were doing was evil

I doubt it

A villain like you doesn't feel remorse.


I feel like those are where the topics most obviously shift, and I feel like it could improve the flow of the poem by allowing readers to have a bit of a breather in between thoughts, you know?

Specifics

I are strong
...
I are survivors


You've got a bit of subject/verb disagreement here; did you mean to say "we are strong/survivors" or "I am strong/a survivor?" Personally, I'd suggest going with "I," since you've already built up that repetition.

Overall: nice work! I think this poem was pretty well executed, and I hope to read more of your work in the future! Until next time!!




Caiteb says...


Thank yo for your review. Ill go back into it and check out the part you brought to my attention.



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Points: 255
Reviews: 4

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Wed Oct 20, 2021 6:25 pm
Kz says...



Kz here! "Humans with your mental state disgust me

You aren’t human

You're a filthy disgusting freak

Doing such a heinous crime

Ruins the survivor’s life

I am not a victim

I am not weak"

WOW!!!

This is incredible! always a pleasure to read others works and I am super happy to read this!!!




Caiteb says...


thank you for your review



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Points: 234
Reviews: 4

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Wed Oct 20, 2021 1:28 am
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IAmKai wrote a review...



Hello. It was lovely to read your poem. I am Kai and I am here to review it. I very much like the message of your poem. It is strong and relatable and has a sort of resilience to it that I find very inspiring.
I do question why you have I are stated several times that is not grammatically correct is that for a reason if so what is the reason for I fail to see how it adds much but I am willing to have my perspective changed.




Caiteb says...


The reason i am is stated so many times is because it is a message to myself not to give up




As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.
— Andrew Carnegie