Great Entities- Chapter One

Hey Italian.

Here to review as requested. Before starting, though, I would like to tell you that you should also review other people's work. It's going to be a fun experience and plus you can learn a lot. Remember, for people to review your work you should also review other's work.

bloodred rose

Bloodred isn't one word but instead a combination of two. So you should write 'blood red'.

I couldn't have Radkos have those, couldn't I?

What you tried here is a question tag. In a question tag the question you have in the beginning is the opposite of what you'll have in the end. For ex, "I had told you, didn't I?" See, one is negative so the other is positive.

Once I saw the length of this chapter, I thought that probably this was just a part and you had forgotten to mention that. I think personally that the length of the chapter depends on the writer and the story, but here I felt that this chapter was left unfinished. In a chapter, there should be something of importance-something important to the story. That happened here, but it was wrapped too quickly. You know you took your time to set the atmosphere but the point where you should have stressed was left abrupt.

The other thing I have a problem with is that your opening was really not apt for an opener. It also took off abruptly. I know you might not be following what I am saying or perhaps I am confusing you but that's what I feel. You don't have to change everything if you don't agree with me, and have more people review your work. But that's what I feel.


Besides that, I like how you're trying a story with Satan in it. There's so much scope for you to develop your characters, settings, myths, etc. It's going to be a fun journey. I'd suggest you to plan this novel nicely and add your feel to it. Besides that, even though I know you would do that, it's important to research about the topic.

This chapter felt like an extract more than the start of the novel. It was more of what writers post as a scene in their book. You can easily fix it by giving it a formal opener. When you do so, it would take the feel of a novel's start.

Your grammar was fine except for two places which I quoted above and that's not a part you really need to improve so it's good. That leaves you time and energy to work on story building, characterization and improvisation.

I don't know what else to say but that's mostly because there wasn't much to read in this. Right now, I can't comment much since I don't exactly know where this is heading. Just the fact that the Satan is upto something to gain powers is what I could make out of this chapter.


I hope this helps!

Cheers,
Mia