O Fortuna!

by Caerulean

Published November 23, 2012

O Fortuna!

            The ship travelled slowly, the scent of the salty sea had begun to sink in.

Just how long will I have to keep waiting? How long until we arrive? I thought, lying at a shadowy corner of the main deck, my hands behind my head. Sea travel is boring! I wouldn’t have left if only Greece didn’t run out of shields for gladiators.

            It’s been like... bah! I’ve lost count already... or did I even count at all? I hope we could’ve just stayed in China for at least a few days. I could have enjoyed visiting those temples and those markets. Yeah, especially the markets. I could’ve brought home some china for my mother... but I couldn’t. I could only afford this interesting Celadon shield which doesn’t even have enarmes. Like how the Hades am I gonna wield it? Is it even a shield at all? It looks like an oversized plate to me. Bah! I’m beginning to hate that interpreter.

            I sighed, my mind lost in the reverberation of the sea waves.

           Well… I can’t possibly say that life as a gladiator is boring, but I’ve been one for five years already! I want to do something new, if only I could. Now, I’m nothing but homebound. Death-bound, maybe. Who knew a gladiator would survive this long?

           Ding, ding, ding, ding! The bell finally started ringing. The people on the ship had begun moving into the main deck.

           We’ve arrived already? I thought as I stood up, hoping that it’d finally become less boring.

           I looked out and saw that the ship was finally nearing the dock. Civilians wearing togas were scattered across the place.

           Greece, my country, let me bid you my salutations.

 

* * *

 

           We had left the dock and headed home - They took caravans, I began walking, carrying my newly purchased shield on my back. A lazy gladiator like me could not be rich enough to afford a caravan fare, and not even enthusiastic enough to bring more gold for the journey to China.

           Besides, my house is not that far, I reasoned with myself.

           Silence has taken the loneliness of my walk, my mind began wandering on its own.

           The fight is tomorrow... Will I be lucky again and live? Or have I brought back with me a curse from China? Well, who knows... ? Oh, right! I still have to improvise straps for my new shield. I still don’t know if it’s actually a shield...

           Then a familiar voice suddenly brought a conclusion to my reverie.

           “Kastor!” it called, pausing afterwards to catch breath. “Kastor! You’ve missed our house again!”

           Mother? I finally recognized the voice and looked away from the clouds toward its source. She was already meters behind me!

           “Oh, mother!” I called to her, my mind now returning to complete awareness.

           Then I saw sweat dripping heavily down her slightly wrinkled face.

           “Mother!” I spoke as I got to her. “You shouldn’t have run after me. Didn’t I tell you before to just ask a neighbour to call for me whenever I miss our house? You’re tiring yourself!”

           “Oh, son. Kastor,” she replied with an endearing look on her face. “Nobody knows when Hades will finally take you. You’ve been a gladiator for four- ”

           “Five, mother.”

           “ - years and I’m filled with joy that you are still alive. I thank Fortuna for staying by your side in all your battles.”

           “Mother...”

           “I dare not miss the chance to see your face every time I have the chance.”

           Then our eyes were locked in a long, loving stare.

           O Hades, please do not take me yet, I began praying. I dare not leave my mother lonely for the rest of her life.

           “Let’s head home,” Mother said, breaking the silence, “before Apollo comes down on us.”

           She smiled.

           “All right, Mother,” I replied, putting my arm on her shoulder. We began walking home.

           Suddenly I realized I was probably smelling bad with all my sweat. “Forgive me, Mother... if I stink.”

           “Then I’d smell with all my heart.”

 

* * *

            I opened the door, and was greeted by the luxury of our home - a complete set of wooden furniture dusted by Mother everyday, pots of rich olives from Athens, shiny marble walls - which I had been ignoring for five years.

            “Look, son,” Mother said proudly. “Look at all the comfort that you have brought me, all because of your hard work.”

            “Mother, I don’t do ‘hard work’. I’m lazy.”

            “You’ve survived as a gladiator for five years - that’s hard work enough.”

            I’m glad you’ve been thanking Fortuna.

            She moved forward and looked towards me. She spoke-

            “So... let’s take care of that shield you bought. What do you need?”

            “Well,” I said, putting down the Celadon shield on the table to my left. “I only need to attach some straps behind this to serve as enarmes.”

            “All right,” Mother said, turning away, “I’ll get you- ”

            “Mother, I can do this by myself. You go take some rest now.”

            I smiled.

            “And you call yourself ‘lazy’,” she said, looking back at me. “Don’t tire yourself, son.” Then she began walking away towards her bedroom. “You may have the body of Ares but you need to keep an eye on your health.”

            Then silence had reigned once again.

* * *

            Crowds cheering... a short, dark passage... It’s time.

            My armor and helm felt heavier than ever before; my grip on my shield and spear tighter than ever.

            Why do I feel like this? I’ve been doing this for years... Has Fortuna forsaken me this time? Or is it this peculiar shield?

            The cheers got louder, beckoning me to come out and start the fight. The iron gate in front of me was lifted, and so I walked out, meeting the gaze of the mighty Apollo in the heavens above me.

            Me and my enemy walked towards the centre of the colosseum. He wore light clothing rather than armor, and only his eyes were not covered, but in his hands were two scimitars, deadly even at the sight of them.

            An assassin, I thought. The blades are probably poisonous.

            Then a loud, heavy sound was heard - the gong was rung. The battle has begun.

            My enemy launched himself forward, both of his scimitars charging against me. I tried to thwart him by stabbing him directly with my spear but dang, he was quick! In a second, he was already behind me and so I moved my shield against his direction to guard myself.

            He sliced at my shield and suddenly, the lower portion of it fell off and lay broken on the ground.

I was surprised and moved backwards. He smirked and said, “Didn’t you know that thing you’re carrying is not a shield?”

            “What?”

            “It may be big but it’s nothing but a Celadon plate - a plate that breaks at the touch of poison!”

            I’m going to kill that interpreter! I exclaimed in my thought, but I rather found myself funny. How the Hades will I be able to do that? I’m probably going to die here.

            I dropped my spear, pulled out my sword from my side, and launched towards him. He spun forward, both of his blades slashing in the same direction, and so I guarded with what was left of my ‘shield’. But I didn’t stop. I stepped forward and slashed at his waist. I missed but almost got him!

            More portions fell off my ‘shield’, but I was too focused on my enemy to be looking at what was left of it now. Another second of rest, then he moved forward and slashed his scimitar at my head. I bent forward, dodging it, and pushed him back with my broken ‘shield’. He lost his balance and fell on his back. I moved over him and charged my sword to finally kill him, but he acted fast, slicing at my leg with his other scimitar.

            “Ack!” I exclaimed, dropping on one knee, my face contorted in agony. The pain was like acid searing my cut. Definitely poison.

            My enemy gave me no mercy and attacked me once again, slashing his scimitar at my neck. I lied immediately on my back to dodge it and kicked him hard with my other foot below his knee. He fell forward, right on my face, and then-

            Hades had taken another life... the darkness of the Underworld seemed to crawl over me.

            I opened my eyes.

            I... am alive?

            I looked at my side and I saw my enemy face down on my arm, dead. A ‘blade’ emerged through his torn back. I realized he fell on my broken ‘shield’, and the huge, pointy shard stabbed him right through his stomach.

            I released my hold on my ‘shield’, ignored my wounded leg and managed to stand up, and raised my sword up in the air. The crowd’s cheer was the conclusion - I emerged victorious!

            A grin formed across my face. Hah! Who would’ve thought I’d still live today? Fortuna definitely has not forsaken me. I’ll be rewarded with gold enough for three full moons again, and I can go back to idling everyday. I sure am well paid for a lowly gladiator. Perhaps they pay real soldiers with gold enough for a year! Well... I’d have to go buy and drink an antidote first or the poison will kill me. Mother wouldn’t like me wasting a victory.

Comments & reviews · 5
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Cadi
Review
Cadi wrote a review Review · Dec 21, 2012

Hey there, Whisp,

You've got an interesting idea here - a shield that falls apart at the touch of poison is a new one on me, and your character seems to have some interesting facets that we could delve into, like his weariness with the gladiator life, and his relationship with his mother. However, since this is a review, I'm going to talk about the places where I think you could improve the piece, and how you could go about doing that.

The big thing that strikes me about this piece is that you use an awful lot of the character's internal monologue to tell the reader things. The overall effect of this is that it's a little like you're dumping a big pile of information on the reader, and that's a very easy way to make someone stop reading. As this is the main area for improvement I can see here, I'll spend a bit of time going into it in a bit more detail, rather than hunting for other things to say.

The first thing to think when you're about to tell the reader something, especially in character dialogue or thoughts, is "do I really need to tell them this?". For example, you mention that your character has been a gladiator for five years multiple times in this piece - it seems to me it's really only necessary the once, so the other times, the answer to the first thing is "actually, not really". If the reader doesn't need to know it, either to understand the story or to learn about the character's personality, then it probably doesn't need to be said.

Next, you might think, "do I need to tell them now?". If you have a lot of backstory for a character, it might be tempting to throw it all in at the beginning and be done with it, but this leaves the reader having to slog through a character biography just to get to the action. It's better to introduce only what is necessary at the beginning, and add other things later on if need be. An example from your piece: where your character is thinking about things he could have bought his mother at the start, you could cut this, and instead have a conversation with the mother later on where things he could have bought her and the fact he couldn't afford them come up.

And finally, the last thing to think is, "do I need to tell them directly?". A lot of things are very easy to say directly, like "I wouldn't have left Greece, but I needed a shield", and "I've been doing this for five years", but they're more interesting for the reader when said indirectly.

What do I mean by 'saying indirectly'? Suppose the thing I want to say is "Bob is angry." To say it directly, I'd do exactly as I just did, and say it. But if I wanted to say it indirectly, I might have Bob stamp up and down, or wave his fists; I might have Bob insult someone, or take a swing at them; I might have a couple of other people talk about Bob and "whooo, wasn't he worked up today!" or something. All of these things let the reader know that Bob is angry, but I didn't say it directly, so it's a more interesting read for them.

So, as I've managed to go on for quite a bit longer than I intended, I'll leave it at that. I hope this has been somewhat helpful; if you end up rewriting and reposting this piece, do let me know, and I'll take another look at it. If you've got any questions about what I've said, or if you'd like me to do a spelling-and-grammar nitpick on it, drop me a message and I'll see what I can do.

Cadi x

Hello, Cadi. :) Thanks for the review. Anyway, I had some writer's block and I hadn't written for quite a long time when I wrote this one so yeah, it's not my best. lol If you'd check my portfolio, you'd see that this was an attempt to 'rewrite' a very old (and much shorter) story of mine. Also, this was kind of hurried because it was very late in the night that time. This was written inside Lauren's gdoc seminar and it was already over but I still wasn't done. lol

Nevertheless, I agree with what you said. Your review is helpful. :) It can be a handy reminder when time comes. About the 'directly'/'indirectly' thing, you mean 'show and don't tell', right? :) The one thing I'm kind of missing from your review though is a comment on the storyline itself. :) Other than that, thank you very much. xD

Hello, Cadi. :) Thanks for the review. Anyway, I had some writer's block and I hadn't written for quite a long time when I wrote this one so yeah, it's not my best. lol If you'd check my portfolio, you'd see that this was an attempt to 'rewrite' a very old (and much shorter) story of mine. Also, this was kind of hurried because it was very late in the night that time. This was written inside Lauren's gdoc seminar and it was already over but I still wasn't done. lol

Nevertheless, I agree with what you said. Your review is helpful. :) It can be a handy reminder when time comes. About the 'directly'/'indirectly' thing, you mean 'show and don't tell', right? :) The one thing I'm kind of missing from your review though is a comment on the storyline itself. :) Other than that, thank you very much. xD

Hello, Cadi. :) Thanks for the review. Anyway, I had some writer's block and I hadn't written for quite a long time when I wrote this one so yeah, it's not my best. lol If you'd check my portfolio, you'd see that this was an attempt to 'rewrite' a very old (and much shorter) story of mine. Also, this was kind of hurried because it was very late in the night that time. This was written inside Lauren's gdoc seminar and it was already over but I still wasn't done. lol

Nevertheless, I agree with what you said. Your review is helpful. :) It can be a handy reminder when time comes. About the 'directly'/'indirectly' thing, you mean 'show and don't tell', right? :) The one thing I'm kind of missing from your review though is a comment on the storyline itself. :) Other than that, thank you very much. xD

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Ivy000 Review
Ivy000 wrote a review Review · Nov 23, 2012

That is a really good story! Just a few things:

1: Saying "Then I will smell with all my heart" is a little bit over the top. You might want to go a little bit less... Weird(no offense).
2:You said "gonna" at the beginning.
3: and then later you said "me and my enemy". It should be "my enemy and I".


Sorry if I sound patronizing, but my mother is an english teacher, so I think I get it from her ;). Good luck!



Who knows anything about anyone, let alone themselves.
— Hank Green