Young Writers Society

this beautiful poem takes me to a whole other world. the way in which the words are painted leaves a magnificent picture in my mind. it talks in detail about the way in which the owl moves, flies and acts in the night. i will never be able to look at the owl as plainly as i did before as now, in my eyes, is a beautiful creature, because of YOUR poem.

Hey! (Saw your link on the poetry club)

So, you were writing it at night (well morning but, dark out)? Ah, does that have anything to do with your inspiration?

Um, I'll start with saying that it has some really interesting lines and stanza's.

With that said though, I must say that there are some serious questions a reader may have. The first I had once finishing the poem was what is this screen? I really can't figure it out. If the screen is a television, I think you might want to switch it up. Because that just adds much more confusion to an otherwise simple poem and could take away from some the wonderful lines you have there. So please think about how to let your readers know what's going on, even subtlety. Try to include some type of clue so that your reader can understand exactly what you are trying to portray, otherwise it can seem oddly placed.

So now, from stanza to stanza. The first stanza was probably the best in my opinion, but I really think you need to change the "big light" to "bright light" or "striking light" or "blinding light" or anything more descriptive than "big light". I say that for two reasons, the first, big light does not go well with the rest of that stanza, and the second, "big" is not really associated with "light" as well as I know, and for me reading that was strange.

The second stanza, "the hands are a-ticking"...hmm. I have no idea what that means, but maybe it could be expressed in a better more understandable way? I know there is abstract writing (or at least now I know since this is the most abstract I've seen ), but I just can't see the metaphor or allusion in a-ticking hands. Does it mean the hands were waiting for the right time or opportunity? Try to make a bit more understandable.

The third, so, I understand the first two lines, but the last two are confusing, because you know, the screen...

The fourth one, actually reading it a second time, this one might be the best one, except for the stutters, but I guess that's slight and I think it's a good stanza.

"The claws are off soon And so will be the Moon" I think this was worded wrong.

"The claws will be off soon, the moon will be too" is better.
or
"The claws will go off soon, and so will the moon" I think something like that will help the reader understand that better.

I liked "The moon might be shinning. The sun will be rising".

Don't stop writing, or dreaming!

Um, well, this poem kind of confused me. It seems the overall message is that the sun will be rising soon and the night owl will be turning in because of it?

"Claws on the rat,
Claws on the keys,
Eyes on the screen,
Words have got in."

This is where you lost me. I'm just not really getting the point you're trying to make, if that makes sense? And from this verse on I just had trouble understanding it.

Sorry if this is bad.. Um. I dunno.

~~Ayden~~