- I've never written and posted anything like this before, though I've had similar thoughts. This is some 'spiritual' and possibly deep stuff, *shrug* so if you're not into such, I cannot and will not force you to read this. I'm not into such either, but this was spontaneous. -
"I'm sorry, Lord, but it had to happen-
I mean, You knew it was going to happen but
*sigh* It's hard to rationalize with God...
because He's... 'everything'."
"Then why worship something you can't understand?"
"Because I know He loves us."
"How do you know he loves you?"
"How can you tell if He loves us when you don't love us?"
"But you still 'sinned'."
"Based on what I believe is potentially a sin.
It's not technically a 'sin'."
"Why then did you apologize?"
"Because I made a promise beforehand
to not do it on this day.
Especially on this day."
"Yet you broke your promise,
and you feel sorry for it.
Do you even think an apology is enough?"
"You are impatient; He is not."
"Oh, but it's not just me who's impatient.
Your parents are."
"But that's a completely different topic."
"It doesn't matter; you're still a sinner."
"My parents may be impatient, but He is not."
"So are you simply going to disregard your parents?"
"I... deserve all their impatience,
for I am a bad son."
"What do you do then when they run out of time?"
"Forgive me, Lord, for I have sinned."
"You clueless, little brat."
"I pray because in Him there is Hope."
"Foolish hope."
"For you, there is also Hope."
...
"You just rewrote some of it, you liar."
"Yes, but I did not lie.
You are not the one who is doing the counting."
"Keep rewriting.
You too will soon run out of time."
"You are not the one who is doing the counting."
"Keep rereading.
You've only wasted time."
"You are not the one counting."
...
"Oh, so you're going to post this now?"
"You don't know how to count, do you?"
"Arrogance."
"It was your greatest downfall."
"It will be yours too."
"I am human; you are not."
...
"Confidence is not arrogance."
"You very well know they can be the same."
"We are not the ones doing the counting."
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,012 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
I haven't long to go and go a deep analysis of this piece of lyrical writing however I will comment on your use of structure and your perception of different characters.
I would like to say first of all that I really enjoyed this and its conversational tone it really felt like I was able to see these people questioning each other as if they were standing in front of me and I could hear them as they ramble on about their duties and so forth.
I really love how you have spaced out the conversation on both sides it really makes it unarguable who is speaking and who is not making it a very easy read to know what was going on and what was happening.
On a deeper side of things this reminded me of someone questioning their faith as if they were communicating with a supernatural being and asking Why -- the unanswerable question -- I think the entire vibe lead me to this abnormal conclusion however I am also not accustomed to reviewing this sort of material and I hope to grow on this as well anyway good luck ~
It sounds very good together. I like how you separated the different voices, it looks very good. It is confusing in some parts, but I can kind of understand what you are trying to get across. "Counting" is something I'm trying to figure out, and I like how you made that a focus in the piece, how you repeatedly said "you are not the one doing the counting." Very nice.
It's nice. I like the way you gave us an introduction about the topic and about your views on the topic in the beginning itself. It might be spontaneous, but it was pretty good.
Quite a constructive comment you got there.