Young Writers Society

Sometimes saying things simply can work beautifully and sometimes it falls a little flat. I was hooked from the fourth line of the poem (smuggling arms into a sweater, what a cute and odd image ;] ) and interested until the end - the language was simple but it had enough connections and intricacies as well - chirping brakes, solemn windows. (and what about the brake of dawn? that's a possibility).

Also, this:
seemed to
make them realize that

Is wordy for what you want to say; see if you can rearrange things to either condense this, or make it interesting and descriptive enough to carry its own weight. Connecting bits shouldn't get in the way; something like this would be kosher in even the tightest prose but still feels flabby in poetry.

As Snoink said, it starts rather dull but finds it way later on. You could've made the title a bit more intriguing. A bit too simplistic.

You could've done a bit more with the structure as well, settle for stanza's maybe? It looks rather edgy as a whole.
After the first four lines everything tends to get more poetic and I liked that, therefor if you could part it in stanza's it would not only look slightly better but sound a tee wee bit better as well. According to the first four lines that is.

Example,

Today, the first day of spring,
there were birds in my front lawn.
I listened to them as I belted my jeans
and smuggled my arms into a second sweater.

But the chirping of poorly oiled brakes
at the bus stop seemed to
make them realize that
snow still collects in the gutters
and doesn't melt.

Silenced, they left only the wind—
in all its loneliness—
to wing by solemn windows
at the break of dawn.

The last four lines/stanza was highly enjoyable, tight descriptions Overall a nice and pleasant read, giving -by judging the title- a sort of overdone feeling, but after a couple of reads delivering the quite opposite

Cheerios, Chandni

This seems too prosaic, especially the first four lines. Unfortunately, the first four lines are supposed to be what hooks you in. The rest of the poem is much better (and in a different style) so yeah. Maybe mix up the first four lines to make it spicier.