Young Writers Society

Hi hello!

Superheroes are just the best so of course I had to take a gander. Now then, review time:

Writing Craft Comments:

1. So I will note that this is more just a summary of Chroman's backstory, and perhaps not literature. I know that it can be easier to get work out where people can see it by going through YWS's publishing center, but another good place to get feedback on your characters would be the forums! It's very easy to drop in, make a post, and ask people what they think about a concept, without having to spend the points to put this in gen lit. And, if you're looking for advice on a character concept, asking in the forums makes it a little easier for your fellows on YWS to give you the advice you need.

2. Paragraphs are your friend! It makes it easier on your reader if you break things up, because then we can keep better track of where we are, and it groups together information to make it all more digestible.

Concept:

1. I've seen one or two superhero stories involving the 18th and 19th centuries, but it's not very common. I'd be interested to see what you do with that setting!

Also, slight issue with your dates: 1797 and 1898 are over 100 years apart. I find it difficult to believe that this hero, Mr. Vauquelin, could be alive and doing science for so long. (Also, how would he be an effective hero at that age? Must be difficult to move around, even if he's particularly spry.)

2. I love the idea of a superhero story heavily steeped in chemistry! There's a lot of fake science in superhero-ing, of course, but it's so fun to see something that isn't about radioactivity or global disaster. A word of caution: people are more likely to know things about chemistry than say, medical nuclear physics. As such, suspension of disbelief might be an issue.

Honestly, I'm interested in this concept, and I'd love to see it be written out in a narrative.
Let me know if you have questions about writing or YWS in general!

-Vento

Hey CXMendoza,

Shady here with a review for you on this fine Review Day, courtesy of the Red Team. My style tends to be to make comments as I'm reading about things that stand out to me (both positive and negative!) and then give a general summary at the end. Let's get started...

Later in 1898

Chroman’s two superpowers main superpowers

Hi!
Welcome to YWS!
This was very good!
Though I wish it would have been longer.
And when I read it, it felt more of a summary of a story than the story itself.
Also, try not to make it a whole ball of text. Try this for example:

A long time ago (1797) in a land far, far, far, away called Paris a man by the name of Louis-Nicholas Vauquelin was up to something.
Mr.Vauquelin was busy experimenting on Siberian red lead also known as crocoite (PbCrO4).
Fiddling around, he mixed the crocoite with hydrochloric acid (HCl) and he made chromium oxide (CrO3).

Later in 1898 he was surprised to find out that by just heating his solution he could get metallic chromium. In his excitement he made some fly up and Louis ingested some.
He became Chroman. Chroman looks like the every day super hero, with a European hat and jet engine wings.

He is solid at room temperature with his chrome plated stainless steel armor. His armor can shine so bright that it blinds his enemies.
Chroman’s two superpowers main superpowers, one is that he melts at very high temperatures and is resistant to corrosion with an exception hydrochloric acid.

Hydrochloric acid is Chroman’s arch enemy, it makes him dissolve. Chroman usually responds to emergencies dealing with corrosion. He arrives on the scene using his jet engine wings backpack. When undercover he posses as Chris Rider seeing as Louis-Nicholas Vauquelin is presumed dead but he as actually Chroman.

A year later after his creation he help with beryllium, but that’s a different story. Now Chroman as another emergency to take care of.

But great job though! Remember, you don't have to take my advice AT ALL, as I am not even English.
Again, welcome! If you ever need anything, you can contact me or one of the mods!

Your weird, quirky friend,

Fanta