The Petals Fall at Night

by CClesta

Published March 14, 2017

E - Everyone

The petals fall at night.

The hardened ground was bare. Bare all the way into the depths of evening. I arose before the crack of dawn, and there, lifeless on the ground, is a single petal.

It appears to be floating. Hovering. Above the soil. Is it even possible for something so perfect to come into contact with something so impure as dirt? Not a speck blemishes the flawless surface. The white casts away the darkness of early morning like casting away a sheet. The white in unmistaken. Pure, like a pearl, but soft, like rolls of untouched snow. And like the snow, the petal’s surface rises and falls—little hills and valleys of ivory.

But in its center, a shock of red throws off the balance of white. For the petal has two colors: the purest of ivory and the purest of scarlet. The scarlet is a splatter of wine on a tablecloth; an uneven pool of blood in the snow.

But no, not in any way does the red destroy the petal’s perfection. It only adds. It adds depth to the meaning of the orchid.

For it is an orchid from which the petal fell. Inches away is the orchid’s base—a few long, broad leaves with a solitary spoke of green rising from the group’s center.

Follow the spoke up, and up—past its bumps, the stem’s elbows. A single flower head, an inflorescence, rests, easily balanced at the top of the stem.

But the flowers are closed.

They’re sealed shut, closed to the dark world around them. They sit there, silently, as one lone being. The silence is eerie; nothing stirs in its surroundings; not a breath of wind unsettles the air and the feeling of night. The moment right before dawn. The most mysterious, indefinable hour of all.

But is the orchid awake? Or simply sleeping? Peering closely…The petals are packed so tightly, their appearance making me wonder if they are speaking with one another. Are they’re sharing unheard, deep, dark secrets, in this ominous hour?

Abruptly, I stand up. I brush the soil off my knees, and watch soundlessly as the specks fall like snow back to the ground whence they came. Some fall and rest on the solitary petal, lying there on the ground—forlorn and forgotten. A care, an emotion, lying on its future grave—a grave that no one will dig for it, no one but the wind—that cryptic being, the unseen undertaker; the one who buries all that cannot run; buries all slowly, bit by bit—buries them alive while their bodies rot.

I turn, and leave the scene of the lone orchid behind me. I walk about a dozen steps—a whole realm to a flower. Suddenly the ground has come alive with sleeping little beings. Grasses, ferns, bushes—a variety of plants. They grow together in a community—so tightly knit it is difficult to distinguish one from another. Engulfing rocks, stumps, and other of nature’s debris, this floor is a stagnant sea of different shades of green. A robust rosebush here, its dark serrated leaves contrasting with its smooth, light flower buds. A straggled old vine, bereft of any support—it lies limp, stretching and winding over and under the foliage. A simple tuft of grass here, the blades long and slender, rising solemnly upright like a little army of knights, guarding the others through the night. A patch of stonecrop, hardly visible beneath the tangle. Patches of nettles here, tumbles of coyote brush there. The corner of dominating sages, their desire seeming to be to take over the whole green community by choking them out. The towering lupines, the peeping lilacs.

All are sleeping, resting, in this strange hour before dawn.

But all of them together are not half as intriguing as the lone orchid, a flower’s realm away.

I turn back now. I turn back just in time to spot the first sliver of yellow—an illuminating streak creep stealthily across nature’s floor. In its path is the orchid. The orchid whose flowers bloom so radiantly, so exotically. I can picture them now—in an hour or so, well into morning—there they will be. Bloodshot, yet unnoticed. Then, at the coming of dusk, those delicate little petals will curl inward once again—hidden, against the dark.

Yet the petals fall at night. 

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
ObsidianLight
Review
ObsidianLight wrote a review Review · Mar 16, 2017

Hello! Obsidian giving you a review! I just want to tell you, I'm sorry if you don't like what I say, this is all in my opinion and what I see through my eyes. So here we go;

I have to say, this had beautiful imagery. I could easily imagine this scene playing even with my eyes open. Descriptions and imagery were perfectly used, entrancing the imagery all the more.

When I first started reading, my first thought was; "Wow, I wish I could be there."
This is the kind of thing I would read when I need to relax, I could lose myself in the story, simply relaxing and eventually feeling better.

User avatar
Biluata
Review
Biluata wrote a review Review · Mar 16, 2017

Hello there, Luata here for a review! Needless to say, I'm no expert so feel free to take my suggestions or leave them or contest them however you see fit. I don't think that I've reviewed you before so I'll give you a brief intro to my style of reviewing. I like to try to break up my review into chunks (since my reviews tend to be rather lengthy), so you should be able to see what the section is about at a quick glance. If something doesn't make sense or you want me to elaborate on something, PM me or drop me a comment and I'll be more than delighted to chat! Onward and upward!

Overview

My first thought when I was reading this was ... there is a lot of metaphorical resonance in your work. Perhaps that was intentional, perhaps not, but i'll move on. I find it interesting your use of tense (since the past tense tends to be what author's prefer to write in, yet you are writing somewhat in the present). I personally think that switching it into the past tense would make your work much more fluid, which I also think would lend itself to whatever meaning you are trying to get across, but that is of course, a matter of personal aesthetic. Moving on into specifics!

Flow

The hardened ground was bare. Bare all the way into the depths of evening.
I think that this line could use some work. It interrupts the flow of your work (though that is judging from the rest of it since this is close to your first line). I would recommend combining those two lines into one, which I think could help with the fluidity of this particular piece.

It appears to be floating. Hovering. Above the soil.
The same comment from the quote above applies here. Don't make short sentences unless you are doing it for a specific purpose (and forgive me if I am incorrect here, but I'm not finding any particular reason for the emphasis here, but again, this is just my perspective, so please, correct me if I am wrong).

Praise

I turn, and leave the scene of the lone orchid behind me. I walk about a dozen steps—a whole realm to a flower. Suddenly the ground has come alive with sleeping little beings. Grasses, ferns, bushes—a variety of plants. They grow together in a community—so tightly knit it is difficult to distinguish one from another. Engulfing rocks, stumps, and other of nature’s debris, this floor is a stagnant sea of different shades of green. A robust rosebush here, its dark serrated leaves contrasting with its smooth, light flower buds. A straggled old vine, bereft of any support—it lies limp, stretching and winding over and under the foliage. A simple tuft of grass here, the blades long and slender, rising solemnly upright like a little army of knights, guarding the others through the night. A patch of stonecrop, hardly visible beneath the tangle. Patches of nettles here, tumbles of coyote brush there. The corner of dominating sages, their desire seeming to be to take over the whole green community by choking them out. The towering lupines, the peeping lilacs.

I think this is a fantastic piece of description! Very well written, very carefully composed (at least in my opinion) and it creates a beautiful mental image.

Grammar

I'm not really the most qualified person to go grammatically correct your piece because I'm not the best at it, but to be honest, I didn't find any blaring grammar errors in your piece. Perhaps someone more qualified than me would find the smaller, more nit-picky problems

I hope that this proved to be somewhat helpful! Have a fantastic day!
~Luata

User avatar
RoseTulipLily
Review
RoseTulipLily wrote a review Review · Mar 14, 2017

Hello! I must say this was very beautifully written. The descriptions and imagery were wonderful You clearly know what you're doing. I do still have some critics though.

'The hardened ground was bare. Bare all the way into the depths of evening.' While there isn't anything particularly wrong with this sentence, I think it might be better to simply say 'The hardened ground was bare all the way into the depths of evening.' But this is just a suggestion so make of it what you will.

"I arose before the crack of dawn, and there, lifeless on the ground, is a single petal.' The word 'is' I contradicts the past tense previously used so it should be replaced with "was"

'The white casts away the darkness of early morning like casting away a sheet.' Instead of this, it would simply suffice to say The white casts away the darkness of early morning like a sheet.'

'Are they’re sharing unheard, deep, dark secrets, in this ominous hour?' Is wrong. The correct way to say that would be 'Are *they* sharing unheard, deep, dark secrets, in this ominous hour?'

Keep writing!

I really appreciate the review! You hit on all the major parts I was struggling with. Idk why I couldn't figure out a better way to word those parts...it seems to obvious now...Well thanks! And ty for the follow too :)

Thanks for following back. Keep writing :)



Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate.
— Captain Jack Sparrow