One day, there was a monkey named Monko. And, there was a bear named Beary. They were best friends and they loved to do the same things.
One day, there was a bear who attacked Beary. Beary started crying because he missed Monko. Monko started crying because he missed Beary! Then, the mean bear, started laughing at Beary. He was so happy that he had separated them. Monko decided to find his friend and save him. But, he did not know where he was locked up. So, he started to cry loud. Louder and louder.
"I should find Monko!" Beary said meanwhile. "But there are no windows here to escape from! And the door is locked up and... I'm stuck." He pouted. Beary was getting super sad. The mean bear had heard what Beary said, he had a twinge of guilt but still kept Beary locked up.
"What are you doing? Why are you looking everywhere like a crazy animal?" The mean bear said.
"Because I miss my friend, Monko. You separated me from him! He was like my brother. And you are a big fat mean bear!" Beary said angrily.
"How dare you say that to the most wonderful bear ever?" The mean bear said.
"I don't see any wonderful bear here." Beary looked around.
"You are rude!"
"That's how I'm feeling right now!" Beary explained.
Monko, meanwhile, was looking all around the jungle that they lived in. But there was no sign of Beary.
"Have you seen Beary? A brown bear? Um, average size? Funny?" Monko asked a gazelle. The gazelle said no and went away. Monko asked the mean bear who had captured Beary; but Monko did not know that this was the bear who had imprisoned his friend!
"Yes, but I will not tell you!" The mean bear said, folding his arms.
"Please! He's like my best friend! He is! He's like a brother to me." He cried. When the mean bear left, arrogantly, Monko followed and ended up in front of the place that Beary had been captured at! The place was dark. It had vines all around. There were no lights, windows, anything! There was just one door that would allow any animal to enter. Monko sneakily took the keys and unlocked the door. He crept inside ever so slowly, and cheered when he saw his best friend.
"Are you all right? Did you get hurt? Did the mean bear hurt you? Did you eat anything? Are you hungry?" Monko was so worried.
"No, no! I'm all good!" Beary laughed and hugged his friend.
"Let's go home then." Monko said. The two friend smiled and ran off into the woods without the mean bear even noticing. A few hours later, the mean bear found out and started screaming.
"NOOOOOO!!!!"
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140,764 Literary Works • 673,687 Reviews
Hello Butterfly
This is a really good short story.
The begging was a little fast but it was okay.
I would suggest trying to make it a little longer, maybe try and explain the friends.
Like how there friends, why do they not like being apart ect.
There doesn't seem to be very much grammar errors but there is a few.
Like I said before try to explain more, get into it.
I like the fact that you used those pictures though.
It made it so much runner to read.
It was a really cute story as well.
I hope to read more from you
Keep up the good work!
And happy review day!
Sincerely Anma
Awww!
The moment I saw that first picture, I knew this would be my reaction as the story ends!
I love the friendship you bave established, and the fact is between a bear and a monkey makes it much cuter and funnier. I'm pretty sure you'd win a child's heart with that.
You could work on your punctuations and sentence structure, but honestly, Who Cares! When the storh makes you go 'Awww', no one looks at grammar!
Great work!
Good day / night to you!
Thanks so much.
Hello there Butterfly7 and happy review day!
I am Kostia, here for a quick review on your work!
So this was a nice little fairytale! It was a fun read and I enjoyed the images!
You seem like a very imaginative young person. Good work on the spelling and grammar on this!
Disclaimer: I am not a native speaker so I might have missed minor (or not) mistakes. So I would advice you to reread.
I believe that was a pretty sweet story and would be great for a children's book! I believe that especially that target group would enjoy it a lot! I am sure it will be way better with more images but I loved the ones you have so far! The content about friendship and your character's adventure is great and fun. I believe it has a lot of potential in it.
Now some advice:
Keep practicing your writing and editing your work. Moreover, you have to work on your punctuation a bit, (but who doesn't?) it is more important and difficult than it gets credit for. I think every writer is straggling with panctuation every now and then (me included ). Remember a comma can change a lot! Great work on this piece though!
Most importantly, never quit or stop writing. It would be a shame if such a strong, young talent went to waste!
I wish you all the inspiration in the world for your future attempts. Have a great day and keep writing!
Best regards,
Kostia
Thanks a lot. I'm 8, so my writing is like this a lot. XD
It is great, especially for someone your age. You are very talented!
Thank you! My teacher says that too.
Aww, you could make this a really cute children's book, with the lovely pictures and the bold typeface and everything! It is very fun to create something that's whimsical and sweet, just a fun little thing to have as a fond memory.
I really wish there wasn't anything to actually review about, but there is one thing. Here's the passage I'm quoting from.
"One day, there was a bear who attacked Beary. Beary started crying because he missed Monko. Monko started crying because he missed Beary! Then, the mean bear, started laughing at Beary. He was so happy that he had separated them. Monko decided to find his friend and save him. But, he did not know where he was locked up. So, he started to cry loud. Louder and louder. "
You give no warning about the fact that the Beary character gets locked up by the mean bear character. It's like, oh, wait what? He's locked up now? Okie dokie then...
And that's all there is to review. Good job. Winnie the Pooh would be proud.
Thank you. And, I'm glad Winnie would be proud.
Lol.
AWWWWW....this is literally the cutest piece of work I’ve ever seen in the website. This is so cute and I love the happy ending. Idk, I guess it’s because the mean bear didn’t win and that is what I like. After reading, Liberty500’s review, I guess you’re his sister and this is even more adorable. *me squealing*
Good job on this and I really enjoyed this piece. Keep writing please, and just tag me when you do another one.
~Happy Writings, Morgan
Thanks, and Liberty's my sister, lol. Thanks a million. <3
Oh...I%u2019m sorry..It%u2019s kinda hard to tell sometimes, but yeah....no problem......
Lol, it's fine. I agree with you, it is.
Hello.
Can't wait to see more of your work. And, remember, if you need more editing, I'm a shout away. Literally.
Hope you're doing well. I know you are. You're sitting right by me! <3
By the way, love the pictures, sister! The names are interesting . . . Monko . . . Beary . . . Lol, anyways, tell that mean bear that he's mean! I love the part where the mean bears' like: NOOOOOO!!!! XD I could literally imagine birds from the trees flying away because they were scared. One like for this story from me.
Keep on writing!
~Liberty500
Thanks!