Published December 13, 2010
Deleted
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,820 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
I like the ending actually
I like the poem
I like hown its writtenn
Good work
The ending could use a little work but i do respect the direction you are going. Continue it if you wish and i will be happy to read on. ;D
Hey there i'm China Cookie...
just wanted t thank you for the review you left me..
This poem is very short yet Good... I'm not sure what your getting at but Brings back a deep underlying memory i have at the back of my mind.. And it brings tears to me on how sick society is... One suggestion though, Do try and lengthen your poems.
Hope to read more of your work. Keep writing.
Regards;
China Cookie
Hello there
Please revise this lineI found this very cliché and plain. There were very few enticing elements. I mean, this is a very common topic, it needs a creative approach to make it different from the rest that I've seen before. Not to say that it was completely terrible but it needs little tweaking.
Keep writing
Its very good, until it gets to the end. You kind of let the rhythm of the poem go, which I really liked the rhythm of it. Plus the end is kind of confusing, was it just a dream? Overall, i liked it, it just got confusing at the end.
Keep writing
-Rayne
This is a interesting poem. I don't really understand it and you don't have much emotion in there, just descriptions. It seems like you're trying to ryhme when you actually aren't for some reason... I don't know why.
Keep writing,
Alzora