Prologue
“I look at the world before me, and then I look at you Zero, and I know you are the one to stop the horrors that we created”
Not in the future and not in the past, just a normal time, when you would think everyone would understand, to a point, how we should try and make the world like. There is always going to be problems and wrong doings. But overall you would think it would be a well-built society.
Maybe if they had created the society in the 20th century it would be good. But no, societies aren’t just created like that, it doesn’t just happen over the space of a few years. A society is built up over centuries, it starts slow, few rules, few ways of living. Slowly this society builds, till it gets to the point it is now. But how does it end up, what kind of society is it?
A society turns out the way it is from the decisions that people apart of that society, make over the centuries. All these at the time small choices made throughout history.
England a society based upon monarchy, till the modern times. America, in modern times is a society based upon presidency, a society where everyone has their rights to a point. Australia, a society based upon parliament, again everyone has their rights. The way a society is based is from who or what rules them.
But this is not a normal world, this is not a normal society. This is the society we live in. You will look at this society and question how it ever came to be, well this is what the society is, the same society for all the world, and there is no changing it.
****
A name, it is who we are, how we can be contacted, spoken to. How would you feel if you had no name, and you were just a number? Well this is the case for 95% of the population of this earth. The words you are used to saying…. Hey I’m Liam or Caitlin and so on, you must get used to not saying it if you aren’t on the good side of this split world. This society, the society of Names Then Numbers.
It started out, with the thought that no one should have the same name as another, make people feel more unique. So, the leaders of the world before this, made it law, it all seemed good and right for the people, it might even make people feel better about themselves, it was just a relatively small change.
At first everyone enjoyed the change, for once they got to not be a part of a thousand Gabs, or thousands of Joshes, they had their own unique name. But quickly they realised of course there wasn’t enough names, they had figured before they created these laws, ‘The world it is a big place it has many names, enough to share, and there were still many countries who had not passed these laws, they won’t be a part of this’, oh how wrong they were. countries joined in, they agreed with the laws.
Names were passed out, people were happy, for the first few days. Till they realised they were wrong they had not accounted for the whole world to willingly being a part of this, not all countries joining in. They had run out of names and It didn’t help that only certain names were accepted.
They thought simply, we will forget this, go back to the old ways. But no, the wheels had already been set in motion.
A man, a supposed great man, a rich one, a smart one and unknown to many, the want for the rich to rule the poor. He owned, much of the Chinese market, he owned endless chains of business in America, he had roots throughout the world. The world listened to him and he had an idea. The rich they turned to his idea, and the rich are the ones who truly rule a nation.
His new way of living, the way he wanted to change the society too, was no longer an idea but the way the world had become. He with the help of the rich and powerful created the society of Names Then Numbers and they enforced it till the world was all truly a part of this, and happily gave the names to whom they picked, this ultimately creating the way of life, rich rule poor. At the time, it was not as bad as it is now, but it did not take long for it to end up like this.
So, what of the people who do not have names? They become numbers, ruled by names, slaves to names, they were like robots, but these robots they still had a soul. Many numbers, few names. There may be many numbers but there is no way for this to change, Names rule if you like this or not.
Names were passed on by the owner of the name on their death bed. To a first born of their choice. Names would often rely on their dying friends to pass their names onto their children.
Names could be taken also by murder. You kill a person with a name, you get their name, and you can pass it on to who you choose. Numbers who were parents would often kill for their children.
Names could also be taken, in a fight, to the death, between a name and a number. This would take place when a number would challenge a name, to a fight. But a name could decline if he wanted to. So ultimately it was up to the name if he would fight, and because it was up to the names if they fought it became a sport to them, a way to show off their skills to others.
There is also a lottery for a name. If a name dies without passing on his name, the name enters a lottery, this was supposedly not corrupt.
Names, rule the world, they have the riches, the powers and knowledge of everything. They are led by the first Names, Adam and Eve. The Name chosen for the creator of this society and his wife. Their choices are law. Go against them at you own cost. They would pass on their names to whom they saw fit to rule, unless of course they were killed.
Who would protect the Names, who would keep them from attack by numbers? These warriors, these protectors of the names, who kept the names safe, the Vasse Guards. They protected the names with their lives, they protected them till death destroy them, simply because their families, their loved ones, they were held in prison. Locked up and always fearing the worst. They would die if their father or husband, the one protecting the names, in anyway went against the names.
Great structures were built, in the ruling of Adam and Eve. They were built quickly and with no safety for numbers, they were expendable their slaves. After all they were just numbers, the numbers they were like Goldfish they were there for the names enjoyment but rarely looked after.
It always seemed that this was the way that things would stay like. A few numbers occasionally becoming names wasn’t going to change anything. Small things like that don’t change the world. Adam and Eve, they keep the world in check, they keep it the way they want, make sure the world never changes. It stays the Names Then Number society that they love so much. There is no way for things to change, so therefore the world will never change. No one cares for numbers of this world.
The world is like a boy in a maths class, he does not care about the numbers he uses… He only classifies them as numbers not actual people.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Hey Burrow! Wow, it's been awhile! O_O Welcome back!!!
This is a cool idea! I love the politics of this world; very intriguing. It certainly makes me wonder what you're going to do with this world!
I found this kinda confusing. Normally, a confusing line here or there in a work isn't so bad, but this is the first line; the introduction to the story... which means this is the "hook", and unfortunately I had to read it a few times to figure out what was being said. One of the things that I think makes it harder to understand, is that it's not really stating anything- like sentences are supposed to. In the first sentence, the narrator starts to say something, but never comes to a conclusion. It's like saying my "My cat is sometimes." Her cat is sometimes what? It doesn't quite make sense; there has to be a full statement. To make the first sentence in this piece a full statement, you'd have to add something like "- they don't" to the end of it, depending on what you're trying to say exactly.
I want to kind of argue about this.
Something I've noticed is the repetition of certain words throughout this prologue. "Society" is used five times in this paragraph alone. When words are repeated too much, it can get a little boring, unfortunately, and just plain repetitive!
But these kinds of things are never "small changes". If you want to change a law, you have to go through SO much- I don't even know what they have to go through to change laws, all I know is it takes YEARS sometimes. And once it's a law, you have to figure out how it's going to be enforced; what's going to stop people from naming their kids "Ashley" or "Craig"?
Wait, what? First they changed it to numbers, then they changed it back? I feel like this is kind of an odd thing to do- governments don't tend to jump around like that. Also this brings up something else I wanted to mention: I felt like things jumped around a lot, especially at the beginning of the prologue- and it made it hard to follow. Slow down a bit, let us digest the information; otherwise we get lost.
I like this "slaves to names" line. Different "classes" and "hierarchy" stuff is always really interesting to me.
Whoa, dark; but I like it. This really gives us a great insight into the culture of your story, here. Love it!
How do you "go against" a name? I feel like it would be good if you explained this a little more in the story because it's something that the narrator brought up, but didn't expand upon, and I feel like if it's important enough to mention it, it should be important enough to explain in more depth, if you know what I mean.
But the name thing changed at LEAST three times I think, what makes the narrator think that the world can't change again?
Something else I wanted to bring up: while I love writing prologues, not a lot of people like reading prologues because they're often packed full of information and not a lot of story. Too much information in one go can be really hard to digest, confusing, and just hard to get into. Story is what we readers really want. We want to read about characters and their adventures, and watch them fight for their morals. We get attached to the characters and want to know more about them. But when prologues/chapters are mostly information, we tend to wonder "why is the narrator telling me this?" because why should we care about a world we're not attached to yet? I'm not trying to be rude at all, you have an awesome world going on here, but the information given in this work could easily be dispersed between story, and then we'd really be in love with the story and world <3 Here's a helpful article on whether or not to write a prologue for your story, that you might like to read: To prologue or not to prologue.
Anyways, keep it up! Like I said, I'm so curious to see what you do with this and where it goes! And it's so great seeing you active on YWS again! Looking forward to seeing you around more, hopefully! C:
-Socks
I have to agree with basically all you said except two things, itnever went t numbers, it was always people got names then when they ran out of names the rest got numbers, I might have mixed that up in my writing, sorry, and the bit about it changing is because of what the society is now, the prolouge is aboutwhen all this first came into place but the story is about what the world is like years on, but anyway you really pointed out some great thinks that I really need to fix so thanks a heap
Okay dokey! You're welcome! c:
You are a very good reviewer!
You're too kind! I'm glad I could help~
Hey Hey Burrow, again!
Let's get started, shall we?
All in all, this is original. I like the idea and I've never seen anything like it.
Some questions:
"“I look at the world before me, and then I look at you Zero, and I know you are the one to stop the horrors that we created”" I only understood this after reading the whole prologue. So, this person's name is Zero? Was he/she the first Number created?
"Not in the future and" until here "the same society for all the world, and there is no changing it." is a big read for not much information. Reduce this to essentials. I'm sorry to ask you to cut stuff, but here it really is necessary.
We know that England is a monarchy, we know that society's are made over centuries (except Vegas, baby) , we want to know of your society, and what is so different of it. The paragraphs that I mentioned, are vague and don't help your amazing story move.
"It started out, with the thought that no one should have the same name as another, make people feel more unique." Burrow, I need a better reason. Governments never agree on things. Now here is a suggestion, finger prints have been proven to not be hundred percent accurate, maybe try working with that. A better way to identify people, maybe people who aren't rich and have names, maybe their numbers are tattooed. Just a suggestion to get you brainstorming.
"It didn’t help that only certain names were accepted." Why weren't certain names accepted? Why couldn't my name be harogilalasesenurnur? I bet I would be the only one...I mean, you're right! Eva is a nicer name, but do you really want to be picky?
"there were still many countries who had not passed these laws, they won’t be a part of this’ ....countries joined in, they agreed with the laws. (...) for the first few days. Till they realised they were wrong they had not accounted for the whole world to willingly being a part of this, not all countries joining in." So did all countries join or did they not?
"Names were passed on by the owner of the name on their death bed. To a first born of their choice. Names would often rely on their dying friends to pass their names onto their children.
Names could be taken also by murder. You kill a person with a name, you get their name, and you can pass it on to who you choose. Numbers who were parents would often kill for their children." I like this a lot and it makes a lot of sense if this world existed. Also, well said!
"There is also a lottery for a name. If a name dies without passing on his name, the name enters a lottery, this was supposedly not corrupt." How is it corrupt? Tell me! I am eager to know!
"Numbers who were parents would often kill for their children." What's so special about having a name? I mean, it sounds pleasant to be called Laura instead of 5677889900. Is money involved with every name? Power? What exactly makes people go on the purge for a name? Also, what if I named my daughter Christa? What would happen? Would I go to jail? What if I made up a name?
"They protected the names with their lives, they protected them till death destroy them, simply because their families, their loved ones, they were held in prison. Locked up and always fearing the worst. They would die if their father or husband, the one protecting the names, in anyway went against the names." Why are they in prison? Hold on what? Were they being blackmailed into helping the Names to release their family? What's going on?
"After all they were just numbers, the numbers they were like Goldfish they were there for the names enjoyment but rarely looked after." Goldfish? Maybe try something stronger?
"The world is like a boy in a maths class, he does not care about the numbers he uses… He only classifies them as numbers not actual people." There is nothing wrong with this, but it could be stronger. You're story is great and easily remembered, but ending it about a boy in a math class, doesn't give us everything YOU HAVE TO OFFER.
All in all, I really really like this and can't wait to read more, it just needs a little editing. And maybe keep some info for the chapters? Keep us guessing?
Anyway, SUPER WELL DONE!
Love,
Lau.
That was super cute
Thanks for the suggestions
and thanks for the review 