We received a letter in the mail.
Printed in large black colour's read. Masengesho Rodrigue. I opened it, curious.
There was a picture of a boy, my age. I was supporting a boy my age, who struggled to survive. Why I sat and watched TV, enjoyed writing, and had food to eat.
At first I didn't know what to write. I felt bad though, is it even my responsibility I am only 15, someone else should to it.
I thought about this, when I remember it is my responsibility.
On the back of the letter they have information about Masengesho Rodrigue.
It reads like this.
Rodrigue lives with his father and his mother. His duties at home include carrying water, gathering firewood and doing odd jobs. There are 5 children in his family. His father occasionally works as a rural worker and his mother occasionally works as a rural worker. Due to low income his family struggles to survive.
Soccer, playing marbles and hide and seek are Rodrigues's favourite activities. In primary school he is making steady progress and he also regularly attends church activates and choir.
Pleas remember Rodrigue in your prayers. Your love and support help him to receive assistance he needs to grow and develop.
Why I read this, the news was on in the other room. They were reporting breaking news. A man had been injured by a falling tree. This offcourse is bad news.
But ask yourself this, how many times a day would this happen in third world countries. How many times each day to people starve. News often struggle to find story's to report on, for fear people will not be interested, but I ask you this. I care for what happens to Masengesho Rodrigue and millions of people like him. They should not struggle to find story's. Every day people die from poverty.
When I worry about my exams, our what to eat. Masengesho Rodrigue worry's if he can eat, or if he will live another day.
What stops us from helping them, is it because they are from a different country. People complain about racism, not helping them is racism in my book. Don't wait and let someone else to it, because Masengesho Rodrigue cant wait, and millions like him cant either.
I leave you with one fact, 1 third of the world uses up 2 thirds of the worlds resources.
What are we coming to, people say love and care, make love not war. I don't see no love for our fellow humans.
Jack
(this may not be much, but I am not a perfect writer, I just want to bring up this serious topic, They need out help)
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I just have to say one thing, well more than one. This story/essay was very inspiring and I thank you for writing it. Everything you said hit right on the spot. Your right about how we have to support them. I also sometimes think about when I complain about the food in our house or something, imagine what they are feeling when they have no food. Again I want to thank you for writing this.
This sentence was very true:
When I worry about my exams, our what to eat. Masengesho Rodrigue worry's if he can eat, or if he will live another day.
Thanks and good job!
Thankyou very much
That's an inspiring and intriguing story Jack! You really made me think in the end about how selfish we privileged people really are. I never knew one third of the world uses up two thirds of its resources. That's. Shocking and scary! That was a good point to add to your story. Next time I'll really think more about when I complain I don't want to go to school. Great job!
Thanks for the short review.
Hi Jack, I'm here to review your letter-cum-essay.
As you have asked me to focus mainly on content, I wont go digging each and every grammatical error.
Well, I get the message. You want your readers to feel for every Masengesho Rodrigue who fights for food, clothes, shelter while the elitists are too busy with flimsy issues. Now the point is I like the innocence of this essay but I cant deny the fact that this message seems too forced to cause an impact.
While your formatting is absolutely spot on and your essay is very readable, the emotions presented seemed quite superficial. I have some suggestions here which might help you shape the characters well.
First off, this work isn't entirely a letter or an essay. Till the first half its's kind of a story.
This is exactly the point when your story transitions into a letter. The problem here is; after an introduction like this the reader expects a character sketch of Rodrigue whereas what we get to see is a letter which describes him. The line I quoted is the break-point after which the involvement of reader dips down.
Secondly, I feel you need to give your readers the feels of this character. The whole transition from story to a letter in itself makes this so difficult to convey.
Think of this. A character is struggling for life while a elite character is wasting food, clothes. This isn't a new thing. What you need is freshness in narrative. I strongly recommend you to narrate an entire story instead of this letter. The thing is, people don't like being preached.
If you want to preach something, you have to do it in a very layered way. We can have a complete story here. An elitist character visits a poor village and realizes how Rodrigue finds happiness in small things while all he has been doing is cringe about life. That kind of a story is both preachy and engaging. If we singularly keep talking about, "We have so many things, and they dont have any" people will shrug it off.
My final words: The subject though cliched is powerful enough to engage the readers. All you need to do is write a complete story instead of a letter-cum-essay!
Ill try and fix it up thanks for the review!