Young Writers Society

This was good piece of writing that I was interested in and I really was curious as to how you'd end it, and I think that you've ended it pretty well in fact
There's a little suggestion on presentation and that's just to perhaps put the
"Buzz Buzz" bits in italics, which would separate the fly more from the narrator I think and make it seem more real
Great poem though, I think it takes a lot on concentration to read and understand, but that's a good thing as it seems more powerful as it goes through. Good work! Hop this review helped!
-CFG

Hello there just wanted to say this was interesting to read and I enjoy it because I feel I can relate to this. I cannot begin tell you how boring a quiet class can be. If it wasn't for the talkative people in my class I would have died of boredom or gone insane just by the silence it's maddening. And utterly tiring as well I usally almost fall asleep. Also the rhyme schemes were entertaining and I fell that the ending was my favorite part. I like your writing and indo hope you can continue writing more work like this and much more. Please do continue writing I would like to read it. But check it first!

Good! Good!

Hi!

Okay, so I know this wasn't supposed to be cute, but it was. I loved the last line. It was delightful. I can just see someone staring at that dead fly and being quite horrified that it had stopped moving.

I think you should rewrite this a bit. In the new version, you should focus on the fly more than the narrator. Maybe the narrator can show his/her boredom by mentally making up names for the fly. Make the narrator attached to the fly out of boredom.

I also got this idea in my head of you doing more of a minute by minute thing. For example:

10:40
Back glued to seat back
the teacher drones
June enters the window
buzz
buzz
what?
zorm--zzz
fly flickers past, lace wings
almost elegant

10:42
A lace hat to match
her wings
I wonder if she prefers
tea to coffee?

etc., etc., make the narrator make an imaginary personality for the fly. It will be wonderfully whimsical and will make the end all the more potent. You could even have the narrator and the fly get into a disagreement and the narrator accidentally killing the fly. Don't use that, though. It was only an example.

If you choose to leave it more in this format, I would break it into stanzas. Also, don't double space poems. On the program provided, you have to hold shift when you enter down to a new line in order for you to keep the spacing in the single variety.

I hope that this proves helpful to you. I like your ideas. Happy writing! Feel free to pm me with comments or questions!