Under my nails, deep in, up against the skin
Ink, ink, intoxicating me.
I crush my bones, I grind them well, now roll.
Sink softly onto the floor and boneless I
Smoke my spine, skull, then solar perplex.
Remember how the universe spread randomly,
Like drops of ink in H2O,
Under your skin?
Rich, concentrated in the center-
Black, blue, red, yellow,
Green (my eyes?). Owww,
Damnation faded around the edges.
Dark colors, seeping slow behind your ears
The jewel hues, like bruised fruits
Infected flesh, like cosmic mesh.
I’ll grant you the probing touch,
And hope to God it’ll hurt too much.
Enough to drive you mad, mad, mad,
To sweetly fill you up with dread.
-My favorite color is red;
So, cut your fattest vein, dear.
Smudge crimson patterns(triangles) upon your cheeks, creep near.
The tribal paint; oh, neo-aztec, heed this:
I am your God,
The self-induced, self-righteous Bad.
Under my nails, deep in, against the skin;
So many words, the crusted ink,
My rage against the summertimes,
All of my thoughts,
The real God’s kindness bombs.
You feel the weight, explosive heavy, dormant,
My hand in yours.
We smoke my bones, I read my words
The perfect balance, the perfect contrast, discarded cures
For bodies dehumanized,
Spiritualized,
By sickened, broken minds.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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126,986 Literary Works • 672,943 Reviews
Heeeey... Mad Pseudo-god.
I'll cut strait to the case.
I was browsing through a few random poems, and this one caught my eye. The imagery is beautiful throughout the piece, and the line "We smoke my bones, I read my words" made my heart skip a beat.
I'm not sure what the poem means, though I understand that mad ravings are, generally, mad.
If there is a deeper subtext to this poem, then I've missed it completely.
A couple lines in the poem seemed a bit disjointed to me, starting with the line "Smoke my spine, skull, then solar perplex." It sounds like you had to rifle through a thesaurus to come up with "solar perplex". Also, the abrupt "-My favorite color is red;" felt like filler with the sole purpose of rhyming with "dread".
I love the vivid and sensory imagery, and I hope you continue writing these poems. I'm dying to know what could possibly be stranger than this!
Hello.
I'm having a hard time understanding this poem.
I understand that these are the "mad" ravings, of a pseudo-God, so maybe they aren't supposed to be coherent, but I wasn't able to understand what was happening throughout this piece. "Smoke my bones?" What does this mean?
I also agree with the previous reviewer, that "H20" would be much better be suited just being spelled out as "water."
Even though it wasn't entirely relatable, this piece does show that you have the vocabulary and the skill to write a great piece. Maybe if you were to tweak it a bit and make it a little easier to read, it may work a little better!
Keep at it.
This is fantastic! I can tell you played around a lot with sounds and the final product is gorgeous. I just want to read it aloud to feel the words roll off my tongue. The images you paint are obviously emotional in nature but visible through your words. Thank you for your contribution to the poetry world! I hope to read more from you!
This is unique but didn't catch my attention as I tried to finish the poem, so it made it hard to read after the first few lines. Even in the first stanza it made it hard to read. But I have found minor parts that would need fixed. IN the second stanza - second line when you say: "Like drops of ink in H2O," I feel as if H20 should be spelled out to just simply state that H20 is water. That way the line will read: "Like drops of ink in water". It draws away from the poem and it makes it easier to read and translate it out into the rest of the poem. With that simple fix I am sure it is simple for a change of pace. With a change in word choice, it might be easier to attract a reader's attention.