The upward glance of my eye seemed to deceive me,
as the wind caught and cradled my imagination.
A magnificent scene unfolded before wondering eyes.
The remnant, a fighting beauty of an amazing twilight creation.
Pink and gold clouds, frowned with silver, drifted through the silent winter sky,
as the crescent moon's breath was reflected by mountains clothed in light silver flakes.
The calm lake blew mist over shivering ankles,
while the mischievous breeze gathered leaves in choppy lakes.
The sun, a golden pendant, slipped quietly down to rest,
before, on the morrow, it would once again spread it's wings to fly.
Trees whispered greetings while they skillfully dappled moonlight,
and floating leaves cast shadows like the tears of an earnest cry.
The wind ruffled my hair, causing it to wave goodbye to this never-returning splendor.
The sun winked one last time before surrendering to mountains which pierced the sky.
Anxious voices lured me back to firelight warmth and cheer.
Entering, the warmth seemed cold in comparison to the amazing beauty
which left me with a sigh...
Thanks for the reviews guys!
What I meant by the sun and moon in the sky at once:
Here where I live the moon comes up early so you can see it in the middle
of the day, while the sun is shining. I meant that the sun is setting, but
at the same time the moon is on the other side of the sky.
Hello BumbleBear,
I will review your work today.
First of all, the rhyme scheme and the rhythm was greatly well made giving the poem a splendid flow to it.
The details made by the usage of descriptive word choice made the poem much vivid, and therefore I could imagine the scene very well. The usage of personification and other figurative language contributed much to the vividness and scenery of the poem.
As for grammar, I could not spot any mistakes.
To describe the over all impact of your work, I say that it was both beautiful and marvelous.
-BahadorS
Its a beautiful poem! Your descriptions are done very well and I could see the mountains , the lake, everything you described. The only thing that confused me was that you went back and forth between the sun and the moon. One moment in was the sun sinking below the horizon the next it was the moon in the sky. But lovely work, keep it up! :3
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