Works of Art

I thought this was a lovely poem.
I especially liked your running theme of seasons, which really kept the poem together.
The last sentence is particularly nice, as it gives the impression that the women are more than people, and that they have made each other into something beautiful.
The only thing I did not particularly like about it was the line "I tear open her chest".
I find it a little vicious when you seem to be trying to convey a sense of beuaty and romance.
Perhaps something softer, such as:
"In her chest I write a love story"
It doesn't paint such a harsh, gory image in my mind.
Overall, I enjoyed the poem

Hi there! This piece is lovely.

Other people have commented already, and I think they've made the note of changing "my" to "me" in the first line, so I don't need to cover that. I think your word choice is pretty phenomenal throughout the piece. You've managed to create such a sensual and realistic scene that is innocent and has a sense of youth and "young love" at the same time. Congrats on doing that, not many people can.

The one word choice that bothered me a little was when you said:
"She paints me with paint brushes
of satin and watercolor."

I would suggest getting rid of the second "paint" as it comes across as redundant. I'm also a little confused about using "watercolor" there. I understand what you're trying to say, that she is painting you out of watercolors, but the way the sentence reads is that she is painting you with brushes made of watercolor, which isn't quite right. I would suggest just rewording it.

The last thing is a grammar change:
"What is produced is two beautiful
women;"

Should be:
"What are produced are two beautiful
women;"

"Is" is used for singular and "are" is used for multiples, and since there are two people in this piece, it should be "are."

Amazing job, sorry this was kind of a lengthy review. Keep on writing!

This is a good poem! I like it.

Right, so firstly, by the first line, I think that you mean: "She tells ME I taste like spring" not "my"
Also, I think perhaps you could change:
"She tells my I taste like spring and
my heart is as frigid as winter."
to:
"She tells my I taste like spring
and my heart as frigid as winter."

Also maybe:
"I tear open her chest and write a love
story like the one she has shown"
To:
"I tear open her chest and write
a love story like the one she has shown"

Perhaps:
"She chisels out every detail of my
body with her delicate kisses;"
To:
"She chisels out every detail
of my body with her delicate kisses;"

Those are really easy things to clear up! Right, onto the fun stuff!

This was a very beautiful poem indeed, you've written it wonderfully and it really captures the emotions and such, which are in here. I feel I'm going to enjoy your work a lot!
Fav lines:
"She paints me with paint brushes
of satin and watercolor."
This is really beautifully described. I love it!
I hope that this helped!
-CFG

Although the words with this poem express your love and desire for you fiancee, the way you've structured it makes it disjoint and severely disrupts the flow of the poem. This also cause the poem to be less accessible by this I mean that you can't feel the emotion behind the words, you can read them and see that its meant to be there but it just doesn't connect.

The descriptions within this poem paint a good mental picture and tries to engage the senses but again you flow and structure let you down.

One thing I will remember from your poem is the line "leaving her to breathe a romance novel".