Published September 11, 2008
The definition of heart
Isn’t puffy or pink,
It’s a sick twisted organ surrounded by veins.
You grabbed it and choked it,
Abused it and broke it,
And now it lies shattered with bruises and stains.
Now the fragmented pieces,
Once filled with delight,
Are bursting with anger and words of detest.
If you’re walking my way,
You'd better back off
Because this time the knife will be aimed at your chest.
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141,249 Literary Works • 674,329 Reviews
thanks =]
Hmm
The new ending doesn't rime as well as the last one. But then again it makes the poem even more dramatic.
In that sense it is a good thing.
Good thing that you put in the comas... Now it looks more like a poem.
Good work
One day you might become a great author of poems.
LORD ANZIUS WUZ HERE
Thanks for the critiques!
i kind of changed the ending because I didnt like it very much before. Not that i like it any better now...
and no. im not really angry at anyone. I have this creative writing class where we have to somehow portray angry emotions or whatever into a poem...
You sound angry, but the way you expressed it was very well done.
There wasn't really a rhythm, most poems have some sort of rhythm.
As said above periods and commas would be nice.
I love the lines
It just seems a very good way to start the poem.
Harsh.... Realistic though.
Are you angry at someone????
try and remember the comas and periods.
didn't rime all the time but was good anywayz.
good work
LORD ANZIUS WUZ HERE