Published September 12, 2008
The human heart is like a bone
With time it grows and grows.
Until you reach a certain stage
In which it stops and slows.
The human heart is like a bone,
framing who you are inside.
But a heart, unlike a bone,
Is capable of telling lies.
The human heart is like a bone
A tiny fall can make it break.
Your words still echo in my ears,
And only fuel my burning ache
My heart is like a broken bone
That can’t take pain much longer.
And my heart like broken bones
Will only grow back stronger.
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140,852 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
I love the creativity and rhyme scheme in your poem it's similar to you heart poem I like how you compared your heart to broken bones and also I loved how you used personification of your heart by saying it can tell lies very well written excellent job!
This is really good....straight forward and not hard to understand. It makes sense and tells the absolute truth. lol i cant really say anything that would be of importance other than i like it alot
thank you =]
Neat. Good poem yet again.
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I am not capable of anything else than to praise.
applauds
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LORD ANZIUS WUZ HERE
thanks! ill try to fix it as best as i can
Very lovely! I love the simile; very unique!
Some critiquing for ^__~
Technically, a poet is allowed all freedom in their writings. Poets get away with many a grammatical or spelling error because if it is considered part of the poem, editors have no right to fix it.
But, anyway, the above verse seems a bit... out of rhythm. Especially the bold line. I'm pretty sure it's mostly because the last word does not rhyme as well with the last word in the last sentence as the other verses usually do.
If that was confusing, let me show you.
"grows" and "slows"
"break" and "ache"
"longer" and "stronger"
They all match so well. And then- "inside" and "lies."
So I suggest trying to find a different word for "inside." Or perhaps change the sentence a bit. Some good words that I can think of at the moment are "cries" "eyes" and "disguise." So perhaps something similar to "framing what [your/my] skin tends to disguise."
Not the best, of course, but just an example, I suppose. If you want to you can use it.
I don't know... that seems to make more sense. When I first read this sentence it made me pause and take a second to understand- no matter what, you do not want your reader to hesitate. It ruins the flow of your poem.
Only needs a simple comma after 'heart.' ^__~
That's it for my review! I hope it helped ^__^! I loved your poem. I hope to see more from you soon!
Best Wishes~
Doctor