z

Young Writers Society



The Black Cobra: Chapter 4

by BrokenSword


Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Erik watched his servant girl carefully as she helped him remove the bandages from his leg and set them aside on his bed. The long cut in his flesh was healing, but it had not yet scabbed, so it still stung when Aisha applied warm water and a salve to clean it. She noticed his slight flinch and immediately looked away, ashamed that she was hurting her master.

“A thousand apologies, Sayyed,” she said softly, meekly picking up a new strip of linen and wrapping it around his leg. Erik gave a small grin.

“It’s all right, Aisha. It’s not your doing.”

She gave a little smile in return, but still felt guilty as she put away the washbowl and the damp cloth. Breathing a soft sigh, Aisha sat in Erik’s chair and folded her hands, turning her head so she could look out the window to his balcony.

Erik’s eyes lingered on her face for a moment. His servant was a very gentle, incredibly quiet girl, but he had to admit he enjoyed her company. He had never had a friend, a companion, in his life before. He was not a very social person, and preferred to be left alone, but even he felt the pangs of loneliness that a human experiences when he is away from his peers for too long.

“Would you like to go into the rose gardens with me, Aisha? I need some fresh air.”

Aisha, slightly surprised, glanced up at him. “Oh…of course, Sayyed. That would be very nice.” She stood up from the chair as Erik sat up and started to get off the bed. She came to his side to help him stand. He appreciated the feeling of her thin arm looped through his.

“Come, Sayyed…I shall help you out into the gardens.”

The two of them walked through the palace doors and into the Shah’s peaceful gardens. Erik took pleasure in breathing in the warm scent of the roses, mingled with the cool fragrance of water from the ponds. The sun shone down gently on his back, and white, fluffed clouds hung motionless in the crisp blue sky.

Erik went over to one of the ponds that was shaded by a small apple tree and reclined on the soft grass, slipping one arm back behind his head. He let his other hand trail in the cool water beside him, calmed by the soft splashes he made.

Aisha, meanwhile, knelt down in the grass and began to look around her, unable to keep a soft smile from her face. She had only been to the rose gardens a few times to pick fruit or roses for the Shah and his visitors. Lone servants were not allowed to wander around in the gardens, but they could come if they were accompanied by their masters.

Her eyes flicked briefly to Erik, who was spread lazily on the grass, his hand moving back and forth in the pond and his eyelids starting to close. He turned his head a little to the side, and the precious gems that adorned his ear glittered in the sunlight.

The other women hadn’t been making up stories when they had told Aisha that the magician was very mysterious. Indeed, he had said very little to her over the past two days she had been in his service, and he never removed the mask he wore on his face. She dared not ask him to take it off; it would be highly disrespectful of her master and very rude.

Though she didn’t want to admit it to herself, Aisha had begun to take a liking for Erik. Unlike Nasser Shah and the other guests she had served, he was quite gentle and kind. He did not put pressure on her to finish her tasks, and he sometimes offered her his food.

However, these feelings of friendship for Erik were improper, and she tried not to dwell on them too often. She was just his servant girl, here to help him for a short time.

Aisha lowered her eyes when Erik turned to looked at her, averting her gaze instead to a small sparrow that had alighted on the apple tree above them. It chirped madly at her, cocking its head to the side and fluttering its wings before it darted away into the sky.

Erik chortled a little at Aisha’s amused expression. “Have you been in the gardens before, Aisha?”

“Only once or twice,” she replied, brushing a hand across the grass. “It is very beautiful, Sayyed.”

Erik sighed through parted lips, his eyes growing heavy once more. “Yes, it is quite peaceful. I come here as often as I can when I am not performing.”

“Do you perform every day, Sayyed?” Aisha asked him, lifting her large reluctant eyes to meet his face.

“Yes, unfortunately. Nasser Shah requires that I perform for him in the evening, and if he has visitors, multiple times a day. It tires me to put on so many shows so often.”

He opened his eyes again to look over at Aisha. “How long have you been in the Shah’s service?”

Aisha reclined on the grass as well, supporting her weight with one forearm lying flat on the ground. The sun was making her feel lazy, like a cat. “My whole life, Sayyed. My mother was a harem girl. Her name was Pari.”

“How old are you?”

“Nineteen.”

Erik sighed. “I’m sorry…I would go mad if I was employed for as many years as you have been. I have only been in the Shah’s service for two years.”

“If you don’t mind my asking, Sayyed…how did Nasser Shah find you?”

Erik smirked, adjusting his bandaged leg so it bent a little at the knee. “I used to perform in the streets until he sent for me. It was quite enjoyable, actually. I liked seeing the expressions on the faces of my audiences.” He laughed a little as he thought back to those pleasant memories. “I remember a little girl who used to come to me and say ‘magus, magus! Again!’ She always wanted me to turn a piece of coal into a dove.”

It amazed Aisha how tender Erik’s eyes had become. His smile, already soft, grew very gentle and he gazed off into the sky as he remembered the little girl. His expression gave her confidence, and she decided to venture further, desiring to learn more of her master’s life.

“Where is your family, Sayyed? Are they here at the palace as well?”

Erik turned his head to look at her, broken out of his reverie. The soft look in his eyes had vanished, replaced by a cold, empty gaze that disturbed her. She immediately knew she had crossed a line and lowered her eyes. “I’m sorry, Sayyed, forgive me. I was just curious—”

“Don’t apologize,” he told her quietly, and she fell silent, still keeping her eyes on the ground and listening to what he had to say.

“No one…no one has asked me that before,” he continued softly, turning his head again so that he was looking up at the blue sky broken by the branches of the apple tree. His chest rose and fell in a deep, heavy sigh, and he lifted his hand out of the pond, watching the water drip off his spindly fingers.

“I don’t have a family.”

It was a simple answer, but Aisha heard the obvious pain in his voice. Now she understood why she had seen that empty look in his eyes; he was an orphan. No parents, no siblings, no grandparents or godparents.

Like her.

“I’m very sorry for you, Sayyed.” Aisha whispered, saying a brief, silent prayer for Allah to grant Erik peace and love in his life. “I, too, do not have a family…my father was a palace guard. I never knew him. He could still be employed in the Shah’s service, and I would not know it.”

“And what of your mother?” He asked her, folding both of his hands on his chest now.

Aisha sighed. “She was poisoned.”

“My sympathies.”

She smiled sadly. “Thank you, Sayyed.”

Erik soon began to doze, and Aisha found her own eyes beginning to slip closed. The sun was so warm on her back and in her hair, and the sound of Erik’s hand slowly sweeping through the pond was soothing.

A sudden cold sensation at her ankle woke her. She glanced down, and her eyes widened, her muscles tensed and she gave a small gasp. A smooth black cobra was coiled near her foot, head lifted high and tongue fluttering at her.

“Oh!” she cried. Her first instinct was to pull her foot away, but, gripped with the fear that it might bite her, she remained perfectly still.

Erik’s eyes snapped open and he sat up. “What’s the matter?” he said sharply, a trace of alarm in his voice. However, when he saw the cobra, he began to laugh. Bewildered, Aisha could only watch with her eyes wide as he leaned forward and scooped up the snake in his hand.

“Be careful, it might bite you!” she warned, scooting herself away from the reptile.

To her surprise, Erik merely chuckled and allowed the snake to wind around his arm. “This is Ensi,” he explained, stroking the cobra’s cold hard head with a finger. “Haven’t you seen her in the palace? She’s taken quite a liking to me over the past month or so.”

“Won’t she attack you?” Aisha drew up her knees and wrapped her arms around them. She didn’t like snakes.

“Certainly not,” Erik said, meeting Ensi’s beady black eyes. “Her fangs have been removed, and besides, she is a gentle creature. Here, won’t you hold her?” His lips rose in a rare excited smile and he stretched out his arms bearing the snake.

Aisha started to protest, but Erik put the cobra on her anyway, draping the cold animal around her shoulders. Ensi lifted her head to taste the girl’s ear, her tail beginning to wrap softly around her neck. Aisha shivered, and Erik’s grin began to fade.

“You do not like snakes?”

She shook her head quickly, forcing a polite smile. “I’m sorry, I’m not very fond of them.”

“Oh…forgive me.”

He reluctantly took the snake from Aisha, murmuring something she could not understand to Ensi and kissing her head before setting her free on the grass. The cobra slithered away through the grass and disappeared into the brush. Aisha glanced quickly at Erik, who was looking quite disappointed, his brief happiness gone. She had upset him.

“I’m sorry, Sayyed. I did not mean to hurt you,” she said hurriedly, hoping to comfort her master. He gave a small smile and shook his head.

“You have not hurt me. Think nothing of it.”

He stood up slowly and began to head back for the palace doors, limping slightly as he put weight on his injured leg. Aisha had a mind to stand up and help him, but she was so ashamed of herself she hadn’t the nerve to face him. He had been so eager to show her the snake, so pleased that he had found someone who shared his love of reptiles, but she had disappointed him by revealing her fear.

However, through their earlier conversation and this very brief interaction with Erik’s pet, Aisha now understood what Erik desired most of all.

He wanted a friend.


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Mon Jul 30, 2007 3:12 am
Leja says...



Ohhh, I see. I just had to think about it from a different direction. :D




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Tue Jul 17, 2007 8:15 pm
BrokenSword says...



True. Erik is a servant of the Shah's, and Sabah is visiting from another land, but Nasser Shah is willing to let Sabah have whatever she wants while she's there, due to her beauty and her wiles that she occasionally works on him. Basically, whatever makes Sabah happy makes the Shah happy.

Or maybe he's just scared to refuse her, seeing as she can be a real B when she's angry, LOL :P




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Tue Jul 17, 2007 7:09 pm
Leja says...



Just to spark discussion, it seems like it might be demeaning for Sabah to want Erik in the first place, though maybe less so if she isn't that public about it. After all, she is a guest and he is, essentially, a servent, yes?




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Tue Jul 17, 2007 7:50 am
BrokenSword says...



AmeliaOliver wrote:
Currently, I can't detect much emotion from Erik. It's almost like the two are robots talking to each other with pre-programmed dialogue. This works as a formality for a little while, but after a little bit, I want to know more... right now, it all seems very mechanical.


Ok. I've written so much Phantom fanfic that I think I've just started to sort of assume the readers already know the personalities of the characters; not a good thing! I'll work on that. :D

I suppose I don't really understand why Erik and Aisha's romance is so improper. They both seem to be in the service of the Shah, and maybe Erik is a higher rank than a normal servent, oh I don't know. I'm not completely sure who's what in this world. :D


It's mostly because Sabah's already sort of claimed Erik for herself, and no one, much less a lowly, unimportant servant girl, should really be meddling in the imaginary "relationship".

Thanks once again. :)




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Tue Jul 17, 2007 4:23 am
Leja wrote a review...



Erik’s eyes lingered on her face for a moment. His servant was a very gentle, incredibly quiet girl, but he had to admit he enjoyed her company. He had never had a friend, a companion, in his life before. He was not a very social person, and preferred to be left alone, but even he felt the pangs of loneliness that a human experiences when he is away from his peers for too long.


This is telling. Or it seems alot like telling to me, as opposed to showing.

Currently, I can't detect much emotion from Erik. It's almost like the two are robots talking to each other with pre-programmed dialogue. This works as a formality for a little while, but after a little bit, I want to know more... right now, it all seems very mechanical.

This is a good example of what I talked about above done well:

Erik turned his head to look at her, broken out of his reverie. The soft look in his eyes had vanished, replaced by a cold, empty gaze that disturbed her. She immediately knew she had crossed a line and lowered her eyes. “I’m sorry, Sayyed, forgive me. I was just curious—”

“Don’t apologize,” he told her quietly, and she fell silent, still keeping her eyes on the ground and listening to what he had to say.

“No one…no one has asked me that before,” he continued softly, turning his head again so that he was looking up at the blue sky broken by the branches of the apple tree. His chest rose and fell in a deep, heavy sigh, and he lifted his hand out of the pond, watching the water drip off his spindly fingers.


I suppose I don't really understand why Erik and Aisha's romance is so improper. They both seem to be in the service of the Shah, and maybe Erik is a higher rank than a normal servent, oh I don't know. I'm not completely sure who's what in this world. :D

PM me if anything's unclear, or you need help with anything.





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