Young Writers Society

This is gem for a review.

I really liked this poem. It looks almost like a pulse line, which is fitting since the poem itself just oozes of life. It describes a life changing event, but not in an over dramatic way. It seem really realistic actually. There are a lot of undertones of real-life hardships the fact the speaker had to move to have greater opportunity, the child seemed to know only the harsh things of city life as well only ever having lived in the more rural areas. I love the soft way all this came across as well, with the youngest child pointing out the beauties the older people overlooked, allowing them to notice a bright side of sorts. The mothers dismissal, and focus on the childrens future was also a great move.

I would say correct 'maths' to math but it gives the poem a youthful glow reminding the reader the speaker is still a child. I love that and I wouldn't want it to change honestly. I like the grammar you used it fits well, and the dashes too. The capitaliation is nice as well, I wouldn't mind more poems like this at all. Keep writing.


Have a nice day/night. Keep writing. Much love, CoffeeGemini <3333333

Not a review, but just wanted to say: great last line! The rhyming of 'fraction' and 'distraction' gives a sense of how puny human affairs seem in comparison to the vastness of the natural world. And as the other reviewers have said, this is an interesting subject for poetry.

Hi BrightBlue!

Anma here with a review X3

I am at awe with this little poem. I can imagine myself in the shoes of this girl with wonder. How would it feel to be taken from one place to another? Totally different from one another! You did great making a background of this character. Have you ever thought of giving her a name? It would be a great pleasure to read more from you! Dm if you need another review X3

Here is some things I would do, if you ever have the time it would be a great if you could create a concrete poem of it. Making each line into building of the city, it would definitely meet the requirements. Write more! definitely do! Never be afraid to write more, one day you may come to a place where words and letters are all your thoughts.

Hey there! Lovely poem, and excellent idea for a subject! I like how you've given us a glimpse of the scene you're describing as though it is the narrator's first time to see the lights of a city. At first you showed her being annoyed at having to move to the city, but by the end of the poem, you've shown us the new wonder she developed there. Nice work.

I noticed a few things I'd suggest tweaking. The first is maybe a minor detail but in the line
"That day, nighttime, I sat there,"
it seems a little self-contradictory. You used "day" and "nighttime" right in the same line. When I first started reading the line I subconsciously imagined it as daytime, simply due to the word "day." The way it immediately switches to "nighttime" is a little distracting, in my opinion.

Just after that is a small spelling error. I believe you meant to go for the word "feeling," but it seems to have been mistyped into "felling."

In a subsequent line, you used the phrase "gave me scare." This is not exactly grammatically correct, but could be adjusted with as simple a fix as rewording it to say "gave me a scare." Of course, maybe that's what you meant to say all along and accidentally left out the small word "a." Easy to do.

The last pointer I'd like to give is about your use of the word "fraction." Unless the narrator is obsessing over just one fraction, it would be advisable to use the word "fractions," plural. This would be the correct grammatical English usage.

Once again, I commend you for your creative work. Good job! Keep it up!

Ah yes,when we first see the city lights,we think they are stars.But they are just lights.Often,our imagination gets interrupted by science.It’d be nice if the lights really were stars.Then it’d be dreamy.This poem was beautiful and majestic.I enjoyed it.This was lovely to read,thank you.I hope you have an amazing and fun day and night.