Changing States ~Chapter 1~

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My family's house is nowhere near the City walls. It was built in the lower eastern sector after the Dissolution, when the richer half of the country was flocking to centers of urban population in a vain attempt to keep their opulent lives. They built mansions in every city, paid off every governor there was, and hid in their private pools and ballrooms awaiting the day the newly-formed Government would be overthrown.

Now, over a hundred years later, the rows of mansions in the eastern sector of my City are shared between many more families than there are houses. I can stand on the balcony outside my bedroom window and count most of mine and my younger brother's classmates just by sight.

"Morning, Flory!" My best friend calls my name from the door to my room. I turn around and smile at him with my usual cheer—my family and Noah's have shared this house ever since I was born, when my parents had to move out of singles housing and into family.

"Morning, Noah." I stand up from where I was leaning on the balustrade and glance over my shoulder one last time at the waking City before I step into my room. The sliding-glass doors close behind me with a rattle, and I toss my nightclothes from my bed into the clothing chute to tidy up my room. "Ready for another day at School?"

He pulls a face. "No way. Just came to make sure you were up. Hurry down if you want breakfast," he calls as he disappears down the hall to the stairs.

"Save me something!" I shout after him, but if I know these families, I really will have to rush to get anything for myself. I sigh and take a look at myself in the standing mirror in my room—it's a little luxury that I got for myself a few years ago from a secondhand shop. One of the corners is cracked, but it still shows my reflection just fine, so I'm happy with it.

For all that it's a Wednesday, I look nice today, I think. My hair is curling backwards from my face in the light spring humidity, but the little flyaways catch the light and make it shine silver instead of my dull mousy brown. I took special care to dress in my nice clothes, too, a slim black button-down shirt and white slacks; the Dean of my School said that Graduation counselors were coming today to help the last-year students determine what we want to do with our lives after school lets out, and I want to impress anyone who works with the Government.

With my test scores, I could probably get into the College of the State, but I don't know what I would want to study. It's much easier to work immediately for the Government and let them tell me what I'm good at; they probably know better than I do, in any case. I can see myself working as a teacher, or maybe as an event organizer, but it's unpredictable—and whatever the Governnment decides to assign me to, they'll give me any education I need to succeed.

I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear and smile at myself in the mirror. I'm not really feeling confident, especially not about talking to Government officials, but as long as I fake it, no one else will know. Not Mom or Dad, not Noah, and especially not my little brother.

"Good morning, dear," Noah's mom says as I pass her on my way downstairs. Mrs. Pace is practically my second mother; she and my mom didn't know each other before our families moved in together, but they've grown really close. Sometimes it's nice, like when my parents are busy and the Paces make our School lunches for the week—sometimes, like when my homework grade is dropping, it feels like I'm living in a house with four bears.

"Morning!" I slip down the stairs before she can ask me about the assignment I forgot to do last week; if nothing else, at least I know I'm more responsible than Noah. That kid wouldn't do his homework if it was the only thing to save the country from another Dissolution.

"Ready for School, Flory?" Of course my dad's there to catch me at the bottom of the stairs, peering at me through his light-adjusted contact lenses. He must have just gotten home from work; he always looks dead tired after a long night of working in the City Records Office.

"Yes, Dad." I stand on my tiptoes to wrap my arms around his shoulders—my mom and I both swear that Dad is seven feet tall and the doctors are lying to us. His six-foot-two frame towers over me at five-foot-five, let alone my five-foot-two mom. I wonder how my parents ever got together with such a height difference. "I'll see you tonight, Dad."

"Stay safe," he says tiredly as he makes his way up the stairs to his bedroom. Sometimes this house feels smaller than it really is, with seven people living here, but we still have enough rooms for everyone to have their own. It's probably a good thing, with all our different schedules.

Stay safe. That's good advice—some of the best advice Dad ever gave me as a kid, so maybe it holds true now, too. As long as I stay safe, nothing can hurt me. It's not like this is an ultimate determination of my future, anyway, just a long chat with a Government official who can help me figure out what I might want to do. Nothing's mandatory, nothing's final, and I'll make it out alive.

I grab a muffin from the little breakfast tray in our kitchen, and Noah slings his arm around my shoulders. "Come on!" he says, leading me out our front door and into the quiet Georgia sunrise. "We don't want to be late, right?"

"Right," I mumble through a mouthful of blueberry-pocked dough. It wouldn't be a good first impression if we were late to School—and personally, I want to attend Graduation before I'm twenty. A couple of little kids race past us, laughing gleefully on their way, and I wonder when we stopped being those kids and started being adults.

It's probably best not to dwell on these things. I shrug it off, swallow my muffin, and head for the second-most-important School day of my life.

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Virgil
Review
Virgil wrote a review · Sun Jun 26, 2016 8:37 pm

This is Yams here for a review on Review Day!

I forgot that this existed and just remembered, woo.

My family's house is nowhere near the City walls. It was built in the lower eastern sector after the Dissolution, when the richer half of the country was flocking to centers of urban population in a vain attempt to keep their opulent lives. They built mansions in every city, paid off every governor there was, and hid in their private pools and ballrooms awaiting the day the newly-formed Government would be overthrown.


I felt like this was kind of an odd way to start with the style you're writing in and not jumping completely straight into the characters. In my opinion, it feels a bit indirect like someone was going down a slide to crash into a swimming pool but hit the ground instead. Maybe that's just me.

I like the way that you display information in this chapter with kind of explaining it as the reader sees what it is so we don't have to be like "what is that" the whole time.

Specifically I like the writing style as it does actually make it feel more political to me than the word choice and style you could've chose for this. This feels like it's straying away from your usual style a bit and the only way to describe it is that it's less snarky? I don't know how I would explain it.

I can't tell if I like Flory as a character yet. Though in this first chapter I felt like I didn't really get to get a feel for any of the characters all that well.

Ugh, I must have a terrible time with age in books because I didn't know how old Flory and Noah are. I probably just read over it, but I assumed they were sixteen for the whole chapter.

That's all I had to say, have a great day!

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Desdemona
Review

Hi there :) Desdemona here, to drop a review :)

What an amazing post-revolution series! I've seen about a million of these and I'll probably see 100 million more. Things like this are overdone, in my opinion, by lousy teenage writers who so desire to copy the works of our most famous teen fiction authors. I find this disrespectful towards a very important, and amazing genre. Let's hope you're not one of those who write just to receive attention.

You mustn't mistake me for hateful, no. I love, love, love a good read, and I'll do all I can in order to ensure a story with potential actually reaches that potential. Your story, from this first chapter, shows me some potential. I'm willimg to work with that :)

I'm not even going to mention grammar or spelling, as you cope with those beautifully. However, in what looks like it might be an action packed story, (I'm not even sure about how it might turn out at the moment, which is another thing I really liked) I have slight problems with 1st person present tense. I don't know, I always think action stories are written by the narrator after the ordeals have ended. A detailed 1st person present narrative takes away the credibility. If there is no such thing, or you have different plans, please ignore this part.

Back to your story. Your first chapter does not reveal much about what will halpen, which is amazing, i've got a lot of questions in my head, and I'll keep returning to have them answered. I'll be back for all your following chapters. Please PM me if you've got any queations at all :)

Good job, and keep writing :)
Love, Des (Izzah)

Yo, thanks for the review! Sorry this reply's so late, I kinda logged out for a few days and forgot I posted this. Whoops.

Glad to know you like it! And this isn't going to be so much action packed, it's really more political than a lot of the other dystopian YA crud out there, which is kind of why I went for the "interior" view on Flory's mind. She's going to have to do a lot of double-crossing, and I want the reader to see how it all affects her specifically, you know?

Thanks again, and I'll keep it up!



time was invented by clock companies to sell more watches
— SilverNight