Young Writers Society

Hellooo there sir and or madame, you're giving me quite the topic to interpret and feel to today.

We've all felt vulnerable at one stage or another, maybe we continuously find it a daunting feeling, even when we've moved past it in our lives. At least, we believe we do. Now for me? What does this poem inspire in me?

The opening line was strong and caught me on a philosophic level. A person like me has always struggled to cope with judgment (blame severe social anxiety) so to look at it as simply as a "hollow symptom" already makes me think of so much; then we get to the vulnerability. Vulnerability to me is a substantial fear, and the biggest one I always have is the image I put across to other people, or never getting the chance to explain myself the way I want it to.

Therefore my worry of judgment increases that vulnerability. And having two forms of vulnerability here is also a great concept on something like that. The fear/judgment of strangers. I don't know how to entirely explain the feeling of this concept, it's simple, really. Strangers, people you aren't familiar with, do they have an impact in your life? Do you let them? Why worry about their judgment? Everything is ephemeral when dealing with strangers.

Trends burn and die out one after the other, hobbies are personal, and personality is such a finicky thing when attaching it to a stranger. You don't have to read these details, because there's no point in trying. If you do, you end up opening yourself to vulnerability, and judging works both ways.

And now the vulnerability to friends and family, that is a great one. It's the opening of this to your closest people that connects one another. Their judgement is a much different thing, as it can make or break a person, and fearing being vulnerable to them is a much bigger issue than to a common stranger. What if they ask a question you can't answer? What if they want a detail you can't give? What if they reject you for how you are? Damn these questions if they don't hit a little close to home.

Ending off the poem, I can take away a lot more than going in. Most people who are stubborn and stuck in their ways are afraid of showing that vulnerability for fear of judgement. We can't expand if we don't ever open up, and that theme I got from this was quite enjoyable. Worrying about who we are and WHY we are, are truly insensible, because solidifying such things doesn't leave room for growth. Sure, you could be this person, but you can be so much more if you don't let yourself be vulnerable to the right people.

Is that the takeaway? Did I ramble in some places? Probably. But reviewing this piece was fun, and I look forward to seeing possibly more from you. Thanks muchly, keep writing.

Hey there Brenn! Tuck dropping by for a quick review for you today.

I think the ideas that you have here are really raw and definitely something to work with. You have the rough draft of something that can be very powerful -- you've even touched upon some lines, like your opener "The fear of judgement is a hollow symptom // Of the ever daunting fear of vulnerability" that are remarkably strong. I also like the idea behind this -- you've struck an excellent balance between something original and relatable, specific yet broad enough to explore with plenty of room.

That being said, I think the biggest way you can improve this is including more figurative language, descriptors, and images so that you are showing the readers an idea rather than telling. Using similes, metaphors, and anecdotes to prove your point without directly spelling it out to the reader will make your story more engaging. Imagery will also engage the reader's senses and create a more compelling narrative. Descriptors and stronger language (by which I mean deleting simple words and replacing them with words that communicate more strong ideas more effectively) will also help on that front. I know those are some big ideas to work with and could perhaps be overwhelming. In my experience, playing around with the wording until you find a combination that is particularly emotion-evoking

Another thing to consider is breaking this up into stanzas, and creating a syllabication pattern to add some rhythm and flow. This is considered typical in poetry and creates a rhythmical feeling that adds depth to your words. Stanzas can also make chunks of text less overwhelming to readers. It breaks things up into a manageable size for them to chew on and digest, and also assists with flow by separating ideas. It's a powerful tool that I would recommend utilizing in one way or another and certainly being deliberate about the effects of short stanzas versus long stanzas/no stanzas.

I think that's about all I have for you today! To summarize, the main idea of vulnerability and some of the ideas that you touch on in this are very powerful, but using some imagery, description, figurative language, and stanzas could elevate your poem by incorporating emotion in other aspects. I hope this was helpful to you, and if you have any questions, I'd be happy to answer them!

Best,
Tuck

This is a nice poem!It is long and good and i really liked the middle part:]You can try to make it rhyme to make it better i guess-