Why? (spilling my heart out)

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WHY?

I must ask this question a lot because each time I repeat the question, the answer I get is always shorter and so not what I had prepped myself to hear.

"Its life, get over it." or

"Everyone goes through this, just wait it out."

Everyone doesn't have to deal with what I go through. I am around more people on a daily bases than I am comfortable with, yet I feel more alone than ever. I put on these masks, everyday, because I don't know who I really am anymore. But I would have to say is the worst part is spending each night alone. Now I am accompanied by three dogs each night, but none of them can hold me exactly like someone else can. I have never shared a bed intimately with a person of opposite sex. I have had the standard sleep overs where my best friend would sleep in the same bed as me, but there was no cuddling. Only out-stretched feet in one another's face. I have always longed for the feeling of warm, muscular, male arms grabbed a hold of me and not letting go until day break. I wondered how it felt to lie with my head against a guys chest, listening to his heart beat, and hearing his heart skip a beat when my voice becomes audible. Feeling his chest contract with every inhale, hear the air go into his nose and race through his lungs. Feeling loved. The thought of opening my eyes each and every morning to the sight of you peacefully asleep , wouldn't even be describable. I want to have that summer romance. Where everything is leading up to sexual acts, or hot make out sessions. I want that bond where those things are just incentives, rewards, and bonuses. I don't want to have to force anything, I want conversations between us to flow like blood through our veins, I want our eyes to light up at the possibility of being in each others presence. I want to be loved, and I want you to love me. I don't want to make myself stay, I want you to never make me go. I need someone to so furiously angry at, I want to scream in there face, I want to make them hate me, even if it is only for meantime. Then I want us to sit it out, forgive each other, because we both understand one another faults, and we both endure each others insecurities. I want a family with you. I want two boys, two girls. All beautiful, smart, and talented in there own ways. I want to laugh as myself, a team, a unit, i want to laugh as a whole. I want to have to make some really hard choices, because I know that even though you are there with me the decision will seem microscopic.

But at the end of the day its me, with my three dogs, a lone in bed. Wishing, hoping, yerning, and waiting for my time to come. Until then I will live the life I was given and I will wait with confidence until you are next to me until we can look back at all of our memories, good and bad, and put down our books of life because that will be our final page. The last good bye, to my american dream gone awry.

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
Milanimo
Review

Hi!
This is easy for a lot of people to relate to, so know that your'e not alone.
Just a few corrections:

" I need someone to so furiously angry at, I want to scream in there face, I want to make them hate me, even if it is only for meantime."
How about instead:
"I need someone to BE so furiously angry at. I want to scream in THEIR face. I want to make them hate me, even if it is only for A WHILE.

Sorry I sound like an angry grammar person, I just can't do bold or italicizing on my computer while I type.

" I want you to never make me go."
Maybe change to "make me leave" or "let me go"?

This is a very nice piece, and it's very emotional. I'm sorry if you truly do feel this way, but I can tell you that everyone gets severely lonely in their lives!
Just remember that everyone falls in love at least once in their lives, so just enjoy being single for now! (I could write a whole paragraph to attempt to ease your pain, but I'm just going to stick to that one sentence).

Great job!

thanks, unfortunately I didn't notice the grammatical errors in this published piece until after I had already published it.

No problem, no ones a perfect writer!

Thank you, and this post was actually unintentional, I accidentally hit publish instead instead of save, and I feel really embarrassed to have this up here.

User avatar
Citrus17
Review

I like this a lot. It is true and emotionally packed with great wording and description. I did notice one mistake... "bases" should be "basis". I think that was in the first few lines :)
I like your concept on romance and life. It contains questions that a lot of people have and answers that a lot of people need. Your writing is really nice. You have nice style, good wording, awesome flow that is consistent and didn't seem to break at all... and your writing style is hooking.
One thing I will let you know is that some readers hate long paragraphs, I personally don't have a problem with them but most readers might complain, so maybe think about breaking that big block of writing up. It might help get you some more readers. Your work is great, so it should be read.
I can see you being really good at writing love articles in magazines... sorry if that is random lol

Yeah so overall, Awesome!

Thank you, I actually want to go forward in writing. I want to write books. But this piece was actually posted unintentionally, I wasn't paying attention and accidentally hit post instead of save. To be honest, and I have been racking my brain waiting for people to completely hate it. But to my surprise they haven't. But thank you, really.



My one true aspiration in life is to make it into the quote gen.
— avianwings47