F.E.A.R

"Hey, Mellie where are you drifting off to," my best friend Lilyanna asked.

She's been my partner in crime since we met in 7th grade. She's absolutely stunning which makes me wonder why she is friends with a potato like me. Her beautiful brown locks fall to her shoulders, perfectly shaping her face. She has a body to die for and big blue eyes that every guy gets lost into. Not to mention she's the kindest person I've ever met. I wouldn't trade her for the world.

"Mellie, I know you're a little nervous but trust me everything will be fine."

I'm nervous because I'm going into my sophomore year with a target on my back.

Why you ask?

Because right after freshmen year ended, I stumbled upon something very troubling on my Instagram account. It was a post made by one of the popular girls at my school Hailey. So one thing led to another, after I commented on her ignorant post there was a full blown Insta war between her friends and my friends. Talk about stupid. Let's just say I'm not her favorite person.

I'm not popular but I'm semi-popular. Everyone knows me but I'm not exactly friends with everybody, more like just an acquaintance. I've got my group of friends and everyone knows them too. We're not losers or invisible, we're more like the people you'd go to if the popular crowd was somehow obliterated.

"Yea, Lily I'm sure she probably won't do anything to me. I'm just nervous about the other half of me that's not so sure."

I made sure I looked extra nice today, so if I bump into Hailey I won't get roasted for looking like a rat. I'm wearing a patterned black skirt that stops mid-thigh, with a light maroon bodysuit, and black strappy sandals. My usually curly brown hair is slightly wavy and is falling a little past my shoulders. If I do say so myself I look pretty good today.

I went to my locker and grabbed my books before heading to my zero period class. Lily and I have zero period together so we walk side by side and continue to talk.

"So...do you think you'll see him today?" she asks. I hope so...wait no I don't...ok I do...

"I'm not sure if I will but I guess it's ok if I do bump into him...I've missed him and I really hope we can be friends like we were before." I say.

This "him" that we're talking about is Ethan Williams. He is the most striking boy I've ever seen...well since I last saw him, which was in sixth grade. He was my best friend since kindergarten and we were so close. I started liking him as more than my best friend in 4th grade and he knew about it. He never treated me any differently besides the occasional teasing (you know how boys are). We were still best friends even though I wanted more. And by more I mean the kind of more a 4th grader usually wants from a person they're dating. A juice box and hand holding. Then in fifth and sixth grade he helped me through a really tough time in my life, along with my other friends. Then suddenly I was moving at the end of 6th grade...my life as I knew it was now completely turned upside down. I moved to a new town, was enrolled in a new school. And most of all I missed my best friend.

Going to Angelwood middle school was the worst. I was and still am TERRIBLE at making new friends. I'm anti-social and quiet. Don't get me wrong I can get wild and I'll always stick up for myself and for what I believe is right, but I'm not myself if I'm not comfortable. Then I met Lily and she introduced me to Connor, Hazel, Saige, Brooklynn, and Liam, who are now my best friends ever. I was still lonely with all of them though cause I still missed Ethan.

Then last summer we got in touch again. We texted for hours on end just catching up. He told me he was coming to Angelwood High, and to say I was ecstatic is an understatement. Ethan was the first guy I ever liked and on top of that he was my best friend. Obviously I've moved on but he still means so much to me.

So now it's the first day of sophomore year and I haven't seen him in almost 4 years. I can't wait to see him!

After a grueling four periods of hearing teachers say the same exact thing, I have lunch. I meet up with Lily and then we meet with the rest of our group to go eat lunch. I haven't seen Ethan all day but we still have a chance to be in at least one class together. With four periods left in the day I'm still hopeful. I look around for him and I finally see him.

He looks as stunning as ever. His beautiful brown hair is perfectly styled and his muscular body is perfectly displayed in his jeans and short sleeved white shirt. He looks up at me and smiles, his perfectly straight white teeth shine as bright as he does. I can't help but feel it could've been brighter though. I look into his kind eyes, his beautiful brown eyes and remember why I fell for him in the first place. I must say, even 10 year old Melanie had great taste in guys.

I was about to walk up to him when I realize who he's sitting with.

HA! My life can't get any worse. He's sitting with Hailey and her group. I see everyone at the table. Jimmy, Claire, Brian, Ashford, Skylar, Natasha, Mathew, Luke, and lastly Hailey. Why on earth was he with them? Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Pah-lease tell me they didn't befriend him. Please tell me he's not...popular.

Uh...I want to talk to him but my social anxiety is definitely kicking in. Just do it! Go up to him Melanie. What's the worst that could happen besides him telling you he wants nothing to do with you! So I walk over there despite my better judgement.

"Hi!" I say a little too chirpy. All of them but Ethan look at me like I have two heads, wondering what the hell I'm doing there talking to them for.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Hailey asks. The hatred in her tone is pretty clear.

"I came her to talk to Ethan," I say with a little too much attitude.

"He doesn't want to talk to you," she says, shooting daggers at me. Ok, this summer I vowed I would pick my battles...yea that's working soooooo well.

"I'm sorry since when were you his mother? Ethan's a big boy he can decide for himself," before she can say anything I turn to Ethan, "Can I talk to you?" He nods and gets up. I look over to my friends and give them an 'I've got this' wink.

After Ethan and I finally get out of the cafeteria I hug him. He seems like he was taken off guard but immediately hugs me back.

"Oh my God Mellie I've missed you so much." He looks into my eyes. At first I see happiness. Then I see something I don't recognize.

"I've missed you too E." We separate and he looks me over. I feel a blush coming on but hide it before he notices. Then the awkwardness sets in.

"So how are you liking it at Angelwood?" I ask.

"Uh it's ok...the people are nice." And without being able to control my sass I ask the question that's been going through my mind for the past 10 minutes.

"Why were you sitting with them?"

"Who Liam and his friends? They seem nice, they said I could be friends with them."

"I wouldn't trust them if I were you...they're not all great people."

"They seem nice enough. Why don't you like them?"

"Long story...come on let's go sit with my friends and I."

"I don't want to."

"Don't be silly Ethan let's go." I grab his hand instinctively but to my surprise he let's go.

"No, I don't want to. This isn't elementary school anymore Mellie. I don't have to do everything you want." I was taken back by his coldness towards me.

"Ok jeez. I just thought you'd want to sit with us instead of them."

"I'd rather sit with them." I'm not understanding his animosity towards me. Did I do something wrong?

"What's with your animosity towards me?"

He puts his head in his hands. "Here we go again Mellie just like old times. I know you're used to being coddled by me, but things are different now. I'm friends with them. That's it. You left me, and I know the reason, but you still left and that hurt. You barely even tried to keep in touch with me until this summer. Things happened. I've changed."

I stare at him blankly for a second. This isn't my Ethan. He's obviously not the same boy he was all those years ago. "You and I keeping in touch is a two way street. And you know you're right, things have changed...sadly so have you"

"I'm so sorry I'm not the same boy you fell hopelessly in love with Melanie" he mocks, "We should just go our separate ways. I was excited to see you but now I'm regretting it. What we have is history. Let's keep it that way."

I look into his eyes for any sign that he's kidding or something, but I find nothing but sadness and anger.

"Fine," is the only response I can give. I turn and walk to my table, still shocked about what just happened. Did our friendship really mean that little to him? He really has changed, and not in a good way. When we were talking over the summer everything seemed fine. Damn it what happened? And of course the worst scenario happened, just my luck.

"So...." Connor begins, "How'd it go?"

"Terrible"

"Why?" Hazel asks.

"He just doesn't want to be friends with me anymore. He said things have changed. And he's right...he sure has."

"But-" I stop Connor before he can continue,

"Guys I really don't want to talk about it anymore...but just so you know he's popular now," I say.

They look at me trying to figure out how I feel about all of this. I don't let them see. I don't want to hurt them. They're my friends, no that's wrong. They're my BEST friends. I don't want them to see how hurt I am. I don't want them to think that they're not enough. They are... it's just that I thought I had a chance to get a small part of my life back. Now that chance is ruined.

The bell rings and now it's time for class. You remember how hopeful I was that Ethan would be in my classes earlier? Yea I'm not that hopeful right now. I walk into my English class and see no sign of him, but I do see a familiar face.

It's Ashford, Hailey's boyfriend. You have to understand that the popular people are nice. When they want to be. They're just fake. They talk about each other all of the time and one minute they compliment you, the next they're turning to each other saying how they never meant it. You can't trust them. I talked to them last year. I was friends with them, they invited me places. They obviously weren't my best friends but, they were friends. And now with what happened over the summer I'm not sure who I still have as a friend anymore. But Ashford is different, he's not fake. At least I don't think he is.

I look around and there are no empty seats left but the one next to Ashford. My luck. He sees me and flashes me a welcoming smile. I return it and walk over to sit next to him.

"Hey Melanie," he says still wearing that sexy smile of his. I have to admit all of the popular boys are EXTREMELY good looking.

"Hey Ashford," I say, smiling timidly. Ok social anxiety and awkwardness, now is not the time to make an appearance.

"So how was your summer?" He asks. He seems genuinely interested.

"Uh, it was good I didn't really do much. How about you?"

"It was good...although I did have to hear Hailey complain about something you did over the summer. What was that about?"

Oh god. Why did he have to ask this question? Anytime I bring up this subject people call me uptight and I just end up in a bad mood.

"Um... well on her Instagram, Hailey said something in her post about something being 'retarded' and I just commented to explain that things like that shouldn't be said. Her friends started attacking me and saying stuff like 'it isn't a big deal' and 'if it bothers me I should just ignore it'. Then my friends started defending me and it was this whole big thing. I know you're her boyfriend but I will stick by what I first said...she's wrong." Just as he was about to open his mouth to say something the late bell rang and the teacher started talking.

The class went by in a flash. It's just the same thing over and over again on the first day. Materials, rules, lesson plan, yada yada yada. Just as I was about to leave the class, Ashford stops me. He leans close and whispers,

"You're right, and if I'd seen the post I would've defended you."

His breath fanned my ears. Oooookkkkkk, talk about hot. I absolutely could not hide the blush on my cheeks. He looked up at me and smiled.

"Hey Melanie, I um...I'm having a party this weekend, you should come. It's just a party to kick start the year."

"Yea of course. I'll be there."

I cringe right after the words leave my mouth and he walks away smiling. Really!? I'll be there? You couldn't have played it cool and said I'll see or anything else???? Uhhh Melanie...

I walk to my next class which is Photography. As I enter the classroom I see a set of brown eyes staring back at me. I take a seat as far away from him as possible and mentally curse myself for wanting to take Photography. He's staring at me, I can feel it. But why? He doesn't want anything to do with me remember? The late bell rings and the teacher walks in. I let go of the breath I didn't realize I was holding.

This period was different from the others. Number 1. I was on edge the entire time.

Number 2. The teacher actually demonstrated how to use the cameras and how to operate chemicals when developing film and how to use the tools in the darkroom. So not the usual boring stuff teachers talk about on the first day.

As the bell rings I gather my stuff and walk right past Ethan out of the door. While I'm walking to my next class I hear him talking to someone behind me. And of course I can't help but "overhear" their conversation.

"Omg! Your eyes are soooo pretty," ugh it's Claire. Now girls can do whatever they want, its their body and I'm not slut shaming. But, Claire is the definition of a slut. And to be quite honest I really don't want her all over Ethan.

Who am I kidding? He's probably the one who went up to her first. Once a man whore always a man whore. Even in 4th grade he had man whore tendencies. A pretty girl would always get his smiles, or his extra pencil, or a note passed to her. Seems parts of him haven't changed, only progressed.

"Thanks Claire...you're stunning if I do say so myself... and Melanie used to think my eyes were just so pretty too....isn't that right Melanie?" He asks clearly mocking me.

Oh what an asshole. Really!? He's using a crush I had on him 5 years ago to embarrass me? Do you think if I ignore them they'll forget about it? No.

"I sure as hell don't think so now, asshole," I sneer. Lies. His eyes are freaking gorgeous.

"Awww is Melanie hurt that this sexy boy over here doesn't want her?" Claire asks. GAG. Cringe x1000000000000000000.

She wraps her arm around Ethan's waist and he wraps his arm around her shoulders.

Ummmmm didn't you guys meet today??? It's a little too early to start the benefits when you're barely even friends yet.

"Three words Williams. Get. Over. Yourself. Oh by the way Claire, I've been meaning to give you that celibacy ring your dad gave you. I found it in my brothers room the other day. Maybe I can give it directly to Father Joseph and tell him you misplaced it a looong time ago." I saw her face get red and her jaw clench.

Yep, her keeping her virginity is the ticket to her sweet sixteen and a car when she gets her license. Let's just say if Father Joseph(Claire's dad, who is also the local priest) ever found out she lost that ring along with her virginity in my older brothers bedroom about two months ago, he wouldn't be happy. And when I got the reaction I wanted, which was her mouth to be shut, I walked away.

After the day finally finishes I walked home. As I open the door I'm greeted by my brother Beckett. He's a junior at Angelwood, and popular I might add. He did come to my defense with the whole Hailey thing, like he does with everything that involves me.

"Hey Mel, what did you say to Claire Stevens today?" Oh shitaki mushrooms. That snitch!

"I put her in her place. She was being a tad bitchy."

"Well do me a favor don't say anything to the girls I hang out with. It really doesn't help me with-"

"Getting laid?" I interrupt him, "I know for a fact you didn't just "hang out" with Claire. I'm not just gonna let these girls push me around for the sake of your....happiness" I grimace.

"Ok fine. Fair enough. But seriously at least try to avoid them"

"Ok deal."

"So how was your first day of sophomore year? I heard Ethan goes to school here now. Did you guys catch up or hang out?"

"Quite the opposite actually. He wants nothing to do with me. Somehow on his first day at Angelwood he became popular and doesn't want to be friends with me. If I'm being honest it hurt, but if that's what he wants I'm not going to fight to save our friendship when he doesn't care," I say sadly.

"If you want just say the word and I'll make sure he's in the ER by dinner time," he says. I chuckle and so does he. I realize he's not kidding though.

"No it's fine. I just don't know why he's changed so much."

"We all have, you know," Beckett looks down and I know what he's thinking about.

"Stop. Enough of you feeling guilty. It's not your fault. It's nobody's but...our fathers. It's not your job to feel guilty it's his."

"Ok but Mel, Ethan knows things about you. Things that nobody else does not even Lily. I understand he's changed, but make sure he hasn't changed enough to tell everyone about what happened. Cause god help him if he does I swear I'll kill him." Beckett hugs me and walks upstairs.

I just stand in the kitchen thinking about what he said. I really need to speak to Ethan. He needs to know that nobody else knows about me and it needs to stay that way. I pull out my phone and text him.

'Hey can you meet me at the local park. I need to talk to you.' Less than five minutes later he finally replies.

'I can't today...is tomorrow ok?'

'Yea sure tomorrow at 2:30'

'Ok'

Tomorrow I will sort this out with him. It's only then I look at my phone and realize I'm late for cheer practice. Now I've gotta run.

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