E - Everyone

Excerpt from Chapter 1 of Return to Eden

PreviousNext

Chapter 1

Entrance

Cold steel encompassed them, an artificial womb suspended in Earth’s crust. Halls and corridors snaked through the ground like the arteries of some ancient creature. The days had become a blur of fluorescent lights, carbon rich recycled air, and meals as bland as their surroundings. The twelve generations of workers had endured the worst of it; those selected for cryogenic stasis were awoken three months prior. Now they were all condensed in a single room; the bunker doors were about to open.

With a deafening crunch and the hiss of escaping air, the four-meter-thick metal doors slid apart. Sunlight pierced the opening, illuminating the faces of humanity’s chosen in golden light for the first time in three centuries. Mouths dropped. In front of them was something that seemed miraculous; lush plants draped over everything as far as the eye could see, on houses, mountains, highways, and everything else. They were massive, dwarfing the human age plants by more than three times. The bright colors of the fruits and flowers were blinding to the people after their time in the bland, sterile bunker.

The world was teeming with life of all kinds. Multitudes of colorful birds flew in the sky, various otherworldly mammals and lizards of all shapes and sizes crawled across the soil and swung through the trees, plants swayed in the wind with a life of their own, and otherworldly insects buzzed through the air.

For a minute they all stood there, drinking everything in. A small child squeezed their mother’s hand. "What is that mommy?” She didn’t reply. An older man warily stepped out. He grabbed a leaf from a fern, gently caressing it like a lost lover. A single tear rolled down his cheek, shining golden in the morning light.

The sun slowly crept over the horizon, illuminating the skyline of what they once called New York, which was exceptionally overgrown.

The air was thick and sweet with the scent of flowers and nature. The sun warmed the survivors, creeping up from their shoes to their heads, highlighting their shocked faces. A subtle breeze swept across their faces, a caress that instantly retrieved memories of a distant past.

It was beautiful. Too beautiful. Even in the gorgeous rays of sunlight, there was an inexplicable chill in the air, like a whisper in the dark, a primal instinct urging them towards action. Away from danger.

An exotic animal in the far stretches of the endless forest cried out, a chilling, alien sound that started as a low whine escalated to an echoing trill. This broke the spell hanging over some members of the group.

The short Asian woman named Morrigan was one of them. She pulled her hands out of her vest pockets and pushed closer to the doors, before putting on a tough face. She was used to taking charge thanks to her military past, but usually she wasn’t the one making the plans.

These people need to wake up. We don’t know what's out there.

“We need to set up camp and make a plan. ”Morrigan commanded, doing her best to sound like she knew what she was talking about. In reality, she was just trying to snap the rest of the group out of their hypnotic states of mind.

A curly redhaired, middle-aged man, Roman, added on to her statement, and he seemed like he actually knew what he was doing. “First though, we need to strip the bunker of everything possibly valuable. Grab weapons, cloth, food, and any loose metal.” After a swig of some amber liquid in a see-through plastic container-likely cider of some kind-and pulling a small notebook out of the pocket of his khakis, he continued.

“We’ll sleep here one more night, and then half of us will find somewhere to set up camp like she said, and the other half will follow with the rest of the supplies a day later.” His voice was monotone, almost robotic, similar to the AI assistants people used to have on their cell phones.

Most people are used to being told what to do, so after these commands they walked away in small groups of two or three and began gathering supplies. Some, however ,don’t fit this mold.

A small group, mainly upkeepers upset at the idea that a sleeper would immediately assume a role of power, lingered. Brows furrowed, faces taught with anger, and grumbling to each other, things could escalate quickly. They were joined by two sleepers whose stances were slightly less tight, looking more confused than upset.

Morrigan, slightly sweaty, gestured to the group to follow her. She needed to resolve this conflict. She had seen how discontent evolved, how it went from thoughts, to words, to actions, to chaos. If they couldn’t find a solution, the chain of command would snap, along with any semblance of organization that came with it.

The small gathering made their way towards the edge of the bunker, where multiple people heatedly questioned her all at the same time.

Morrigan whistled sharply, stopping them from getting too far off the rails. “Hold on now, let’s be civil about this,” She stated, her voice cutting through the noise like a siren in traffic. “There doesn’t need to be a single leader, and I’m not trying to take charge. I was just trying to give the people a direction to follow.”

“So who decides, then? We can’t have a democracy, there are too many people in this bunker,” An older man, notably not an upkeeper, questioned. His tone was akin to a teacher guiding a student to the correct answer, as opposed to the frustrated people surrounding him merely criticizing.“We saw how well democracy worked for the people that used to run this place,” the young man standing next to him added on.

“Well we can’t have one leader, and we can’t have everyone involved, so...” Morrigan trailed off.

“A council then,” Roman interrupted,” composed of no more than twenty people, based on majority rule. ”He said it with surety, like it was a command, completely lacking any diplomacy.

“If we all agree on that. No ruler, the power is evenly split.” Morrigan added, trying to bridge the gap between Roman’s emotionless statements and the upset upkeepers.

Slowly, very slowly, the anger drained out of their frames as they considered the idea. A tall Chinese man nodded his head, rolling over the idea in his mind. The pack of people seemed like, with some further discussion, they would this proposal. At least, most of them.

A bearded Caucasian man and a Hispanic women exchanged a quick glance and slipped into the shadows. This wouldn’t be the last time they were heard from.

Morrigan didn’t notice them leave. She stayed mostly on the sideline while Roman ironed out the fine details of the arrangement, and she was lost in her thoughts.

A freckly red-headed woman-who had become the “speaker” for the group- smiled, and they walked away to attend to their various tasks; there was much to be done in preparation to leave the bunker.

I need to go supervise the weapon gathering, and then I need to-

Her thoughts were cut off by the cheery greeting from the withered old man, "You handled that very well. I’m Sidon. ”His hand was extended in front of him, his other hand pointing towards his well-muscled companion.” This is Prometheus.”

She shook his hand hesitantly, eyebrows creased in confusion. What were his motives?

“I just want to introduce myself. I hope to work closely with you in the future. I have some things to attend to, but Theus here would love to talk to you more.” Sidon answered. He obviously couldn’t hear her thoughts, but it certainly seemed like he could. With a grin, he turned and walked away.

The young man named Prometheus had messy hair and coffee brown eyes. He was on the skinnier side but seemed to be developing some wiry muscles. He was smiling, one of those genuine smiles that are becoming rarer, when someone is simply happy to meet you, not trying to get anything out of you. She disliked him immediately. She also sensed that on a deeper level she would respect him, like an older sibling.

With a polite smile he introduced himself as Theus and shook her hand. Morrigan was struggling to get a read on him, unlike everyone else she met. Maybe she was just too used to assuming people wanted something out of her.

They talked for a bit about unimportant things, but Morrigan couldn’t handle the confusion anymore.

“No one just talks to talk anymore. What do you want from me?” She asked, eyes slit suspiciously.

“You really know what I want Morrigan? "He asked, unblinking, "I want the people in this bunker to be ok. I want us to make it.”

Morrigan didn’t say anything. Theus took a deep breath and closed his eyes. She sensed he had something else to say.

“I hate myself for it, so much, but I’m better at killing than anyone in this bunker. I can help you.” Some tension left his body, like he just shrugged a heavy backpack off his shoulders. In the distance a bird of prey screeched, and some unfortunate small mammal's time on Earth ended.

Comments & reviews · 2
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
NovemberCrow
Review

Heya! AnotherCrowInRow (alias Kay) is here to write a quick review for your…excerpt from chapter? Yeah, I think that’s correct name we can use for it.

I know that image you used as cover is generated by AI, but it still captures the mood very well and looks like nice cover for your work. So we should talking about your work itself, shall we?

From very beginning you are introducing us (the reader) to new world - world which we do know, but it has changed. I’m a big fan of dystoptia myself so reading this was gret experience for me! But let’s go to the deep dive now :D

First of all, I would like to praise your amazing ability to describe the environment - the whole chapter is full of descriptions using all human senses. Usually when reading, I encounter a lack of descriptions, but with this chapter it's the exact opposite - especially at the beginning, we have descriptions in almost every paragraph. Well, what's so great about your description is how natural it sounds. You are building a whole new world in front of our eyes with complete self-awareness, which simply seems so alive and real to me as if you were describing to me the place where I was last week.

In particular I find very moving the description of the reactions of individual people, who after many years climbed out of the bunker and for the first time see a world in which they do actually live.

“We need to set up camp and make a plan. ”Morrigan commanded, doing her best to sound like she knew what she was talking about. In reality, she was just trying to snap the rest of the group out of their hypnotic states of mind.


I like how you work with the character descriptions, because unlike the environment descriptions, you keep them quite minimalistic, which I like, since we meet a lot of new characters in this chapter, and you've given us exactly as much information about each of them as we need to we were able to imagine what was happening in the scene.

A bearded Caucasian man and a Hispanic women exchanged a quick glance and slipped into the shadows. This wouldn’t be the last time they were heard from.

I was quite interested in this part, as it creates a lot of space for the future continuation of the plot. In this chapter, I captured several moments when it occurred to me that the thing that just happened at that moment could lead to future events.

“I hate myself for it, so much, but I’m better at killing than anyone in this bunker. I can help you.” Some tension left his body, like he just shrugged a heavy backpack off his shoulders. In the distance a bird of prey screeched, and some unfortunate small mammal's time on Earth ended.

Something about the way this dialogue ends and we immediately hear the screeching of a dying creature in the background sends chills down the spine of the reader. A perfect moment to end the preview of the chapter.

Have a nice rest of day/night/whatever because timezones are chaotic and stay safe!

- your local friendly crow Kay

User avatar
2019aquarious
Review

Ooh I love the cover art. This reminds me of a reverse sort of situation in the book Wool. Your descriptions are so vivid, I feel like I am there. I like how emotional it is for them to be leaving the bunker this shows how meaningful it is to be leaving. I already feel like this council is not going to go well. Theus seems like a psychopath. I am hooked on this story please write more.

I've actually got quite a bit more, so if you'd like me to message it to you I'd love too, I'm just not completely done with the chapter yet so I haven't posted it. Also, thank you so much for the review and the kind words!!

As for the cover art, it was generated by AI. It was the best it could come up with, most of the other ones... well lets just say they weren't as pleasant as this one...



Generally speaking, a howling wilderness does not howl: it is the imagination of the traveler that does the howling.
— Henry David Thoreau