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E - Everyone Violence

Love is Cannibalism.

by Box10

Love is cannibalism.

The fire has died down in the hut, and the guests are starting to leave. But there are three guests who will not leave yet. Three young men stay seated at the round, wooden table, and I see three sets of eyes look at me expectantly. I know what they want. I know what they stayed for. Slowly, reluctantly, I rise. I've done this before. My hand curls around an iron knife, sharp as the day it was forged. hope it's had time to heal since the last time did something like this... I muse crudely, as, whirling the knife in air, I pierce the cold blade into my chest and reach for the very thing they all want, the very thing I've been looking for, the beaten, and battered, and bruised heart these ruffians will take from me.I can feel it, in my breast, scrambling and running, hiding away from these prying fingers that are not my own, searching for hope in this form of abandon.

Victory. I have captured it, it is mine once more. With one last thrust it plops on the silver platter I have readied, it's tiny body still thundering a tiny heartbeat. I pull the knife from my chest and start sawing. Does it hurt? Do ravens caw? But still I continue, slicing and dicing at my heart until there are two, three pieces. The young men who have sat and watched me struggle now clamor to their feet and dive. I step back and watch, dying from the pain, but living for their hunger. It hurts, but their happy. I'd die if I wasn't reborn every time one of them would look up, his face all bloody, and give me an ironic thumbs up. Love hurts, love stings. Love is cannibalism.

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Points: 240
Reviews: 0

Wed Mar 30, 2016 11:27 am
athena13 says...

Wow. This is soo good! It is disturbingly beautiful and filled with so much meaning.

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Points: 300
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Mon Nov 09, 2015 4:13 pm
TheresaSenpai says...

Your showed lok at may stowys on ma account dey r viry god

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Points: 300
Reviews: 0

Fri Oct 02, 2015 7:43 pm

So beautiful, I hung onto every word. Thank you for this.

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Points: 341
Reviews: 2

Fri Sep 11, 2015 3:12 am
CaptainStrider wrote a review...

Gosh this is really good work. The symbolism for the knife really makes the entire narrative really profound as it makes it so that your "heart" is something that you tear from yourself to give to others. The structuring and transition from one paragraph to the next is also really well done; placing emphasis on "Victory" truly makes the entire first paragraph stand out for introducing the next part with such an important and influential word. I hope to read more from you!

Box10 says...

Thank you!

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69 Reviews

Points: 893
Reviews: 69

Sun Sep 06, 2015 2:39 am
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WillowCutz wrote a review...

Whoa! Just gonna drop me right in there! Okay!

Well, I'm Willow, welcome to YWS. I would just like to point out the rating at the bottom of the setting of your post that sets up warnings for intense content. I was expecting this because of the horror tag on it, but still a violence warning and an age range (even if it's just 16+ which is what I usually use on my own murder scenes) should really be included just to make sure people know what they're getting into.

First off, I found the first line to be unnecessary since its one the title and two the last line. It just seems to be flying out there for no reason, especially when you're just gonna drop me in the scene.

Second, a hut really? This scene could have been anywhere. I started picturing it in a more urban enviroment when you used the "silver platter" (that seems like an odd thing to have in a hut based society. Also it really makes the cannibalism metaphor less powerful. Love is cannibalism anywhere, correct, not just in actual cannibalistic societies. To me it felt a little cliche to be in some unknown canibalistic society when the metaphor was so raw and powerful. There's no reason it has to be in a hut when it could be in the real world, where I assume you intended this message to be sent. (This is really just my thoughts, the hut is a fine place for the story to be set, there,s no reason it can't be a hut. It just feels like you could easily set it anywhere else since you don't elaborate like this is some sort of ritual or part of this specific society)

"I'd die if I wasn't reborn every time one of them would look up," to be honest this line felt very weak to me. It,s almost like you wanted to end the scene, but wanted to tie up the loose end of her not dying. And I do understand it, you're trying to say why she puts herself through all this, because she loves them and her love makes her willing to go through the pain. But there really wasn't much of a reason for this line. We already assessed that she can literally cut her own heart out and not die, she is freakin' immortal, there isn't a reason to have her tell me that when we can figure it out on our own. I would really just can this line. Maybe add something else, but it looks fine without anything replacing it. Just end it on that note of cutting her heart to bits and feeding it to the men, no one is going to ask any questions about why it ends there.

Also why three men? Just my question. If I'm correct in thinking that she does this heart cutting out because she loves them, then why three. Three seemed very rapey to me. One gives the message just as clear as three.

Anyway, the gore and the metaphor were awesome, they were very clear and dramatic and strong parts of this. They were perfect. Really really perfect.

Good luck on YWS,

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54 Reviews

Points: 2061
Reviews: 54

Sat Sep 05, 2015 5:47 pm
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chhlovebooks wrote a review...

Dear box 10, I am fond of your piece and I like the angle you are coming from. You use excellent descriptive imagery in your short story and the way you build tension within each paragraph brings a real joy to teading the climax. How ever there a few problems within your little story. One problem is in the sentence "It hurts, but their happy." In this sentence you use the wrong "there". The appropriate one would be they're. Another problem is that you use the word ironic in the sentence "I'd die if I wasn't reborn every time one of them would look up, his face bloody, and give me an ironic thumbs up." I am not entirely certain ironic would be the best for that sentence. Over all however I think you piece is very good, and I hope you might choose to review my work someday.

Every empire tells itself and the world that it is unlike all other empires.
— Edward Said