It's something I'm used to doing
When no one's around to look over my shoulder
The blade opens a scar that's a pale shade of purple
Unfortunately, I applied too much pressure
Chorus
As the utensil falls to the floor and clatters
I will collapse while my life no longer matters
Torn to shreds is what you'll see me as
Bleeding to death before you can even ask
'Are you okay?'
The colour of my skin has started fading
Goosebumps cover my skin, my temperature rapidly lowers
I'm losing too much, my blood pressure's getting low
My heart's giving in, at least there's no more pain to endure
Chorus
The darkness is descending
This room has started spinning
Numbness is replacing the pain
Breathing is becoming a strain
It was something I was used to doing
When no one was around to look over my shoulder
Chorus x2
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hi, I'm Emily. I'm 14. And I have cut too. I have dreamed of my razor slicing my arms, on my wrists, giving me a bloody mess. I want the pain to remind me of what a monster I can really be. I struggle with depression. I have anxiety, social issues, and trust issues. I felt like your words really reached out to me since I can connect to this, sadly but also not sadly.
Keep writing songs! You're talented!
Thank you for posting this song. It's a perfectly fine description of actually hating yourself so bad, or hating something so bad, or whatever... I like the honesty, the raw traits this song portrays. You've done a beautiful job on this.
I have no negative comments to add, so have a good day and happy writing!
A month late reply... I AM SO SORRY D':
Oh man, depression and anxiety, what annoying buttholes they are >.> WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS GUYS GET BACK IN YOUR CAGE! *shoves the depression and anxiety into a teeny tiny cage*
You're welcome, also, because I posted this in the hopes someone could connect with it, so I guess that's a good thing? I wrote this when I was, like, 13 and only just recently decided to post it :3 cuz I wanted to post it after I got past the stage of wanting what happens in this song to happen to me and stuff sooooooo yeah XD
And thank you for such kind words :')
P.S. I actually wrote this while on holiday surprisingly XD how odd)
Oh! Don't worry about the month later, I don't mind since at a time I was off for five solid months. He he, I like your humorous comment. Yeah, maybe a good thing I did connect, honestly Idrk.
I liked reading it though! I wrote dark stuff two days after Christmas 2015... Dark stuff, so I know what ya mean. Happy writing!
Hey, this is DanielR with a short review.
Now, about the lyrics, they seem very dark, yet, they sound pretty good! My favorite part was when you said
"The darkness is descending
This room has started spinning
Numbness is replacing the pain"
Now, I know I'm only 14, but I can think of some very dark s**t. For some reason, I like listening to dark stuff.
The only thing that got me twisted up was when you said
"As the utensil falls to the floor and clatters"
I am still pondering about what it could mean.
Well, other than that I really like your lyrics. Keep writing, your doing great!
From:DanielR
Thank you for the review ^-^ and sorry for the late reply XD
The "utensil" is being dropped due to the protagonist being in pain from what they have done. The "utensil" isn't a specific thing, but it is certainly sharp (because, y'know, the song mentions a blade, which can be found on various things).
Thank you for your kind words!
Wow, this is a very powerful song. You’ve done a great job here with creating strong imagery for the reader/listener. I can’t find the words to describe what you’ve done - it’s as if you’ve written something that’s harmless on its own, but there are sinister undertones when you add other specific words. It’s an eerie song, very suddenly haunting and scary. This just shows your aim when you were writing this, to show how things can go way too far. Well done, keep writing! There’s pretty much nothing I can criticize here apart from the 2nd line of the chorus. Instead of “I will collapse”, what about “I’ll collapse” to make it flow better?
~Sagi
Thank you for the review ^-^ sorry I'm late in replying XD
Because it's a song in my head, "I will collapse" sounds the best in my head and stuff, so XD
Thank you for your kind words!
Hello Bornloser!
But you are a Winner! A winner of my heart and evryone's heart! You won, just now, a few seconds before, when I finished reading your poem... Let me say directly, that you have won our hearts by writing such a deep poem. It was as deep as the cut you have described.
One thing, dear bornloser, one thought is striking my mind. Is it realistic?! I am shocked to see that! Are you unhappy with your life? Well..., I know, its none of my business... , but still, I could not control my curiosity. Anyways, this piece was a real emotioal one, and I felt a shade of sorrow and the pain. You have used very good words to describe this and I could actually feel my heart melting like ice. It has a deep meaning, and deep feelings are described in deep words which made the poem so beautiful!
As far as I can see, there is no serious flaw or mistake in this piece. You are doing well and I know that you will keep doing well. My best wishes with you.
You have got a wonderful art of writing. You can move the world with the powr of your words. You should keep writing... Because we all love to read them.
~ Eros
Such a late reply, but thanks for the review! ^-^
I am happy with my life XD I actually wrote this while on holiday last year! I just thought I'd put it up here to see what other people thought of it :3
It's mainly just a lyrical story I made up in my head, so yeah XD
Thank you for such kind words!