December 25 2013,
Its been almost a year since you left for war. I miss you. Your friends miss you too. Especially this girl that you dated in high school named Kaitlyn. She really misses you. Its kind of creepy. Anyways love you and I hope you have a Merry Christmas!
Love, Diana
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,830 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okayy...this looks to be a bit of a stand alone letter here...judging by the description it kind of seems to hint that perhaps this is part of a bigger novel but well, the piece itself is just a really short looking letter here...and well..I suppose I'll try my best to see what's up with that.
Getting right ot things...the first thing I noticed is how small this letter is, if its someone that's writing to their loved one that's in a war I feel maybe they would try to write a bit more than just that. It feels like this is just barely mentioning anything here in the space of just the one tiny paragraph, so a bit of expansion is necessary here.
Now to the actual content...well...it takes of Diana missing this person but then it goes off on a weird tangent about a creepy high school crush and just seems to cut off almost abruptly there. So on the whole as far as letters go, this kind of seems quite generic and a bit random there with the mention of the creepy high school crush. On the whole its hard to believe this is a letter by a loved here....sorry if I'm being a bit harsh here but it just doesn't quite get across the point that its trying to here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hey, Bookworm. My name is Nonny and I'm going to be reviewing your piece. It was pretty short, so this is probably going to be a short review.
I'll start off by saying that the letter didn't seem particularly realistic. I say this because if I had a fiance in the war, my letters would be 10x's longer then what this one is. If you think about it, a fiance is an incredibly high status to hold in a woman's life. That's the man they're going to marry one day and to be honest with you, if he is in a war and I was that girl, I would be pouring my entire heart out into the letter and making sure that he knew everything that was going on in my life at the time so he could be caught up when she gets back.
It's also been a year since he left for the war. This is the first chapter of this story that you are writing, so where exactly does he die? How does she find out? You gave the story away in the short description part so most of us know that, hey this guy is going to die and his fiance just keeps writing letters to him. I would consider maybe changing that short description to something other then that so people aren't given the entire story.
I really would have liked to see more detail here. It's your first chapter and it's incredibly short. Maybe you could have started off with a flash back of when he first left for the war? The tears, the heartbreak...and also the characters.
Going back to what I was saying earlier about the length of the letter, because I got a little sidetracked. You mention someone he dates in high school in the letter. I'm sure that that has some sort of significance maybe in the rest of the story but the thing about it is that there is three sentences devoted to talking about her. If my future husband is in the war, I wouldn't even waste my breath.
I know I said this was going to be a short review but I think I had a lot more to say then I originally thought I did. Overall, I think that this could be a good one. I like the idea of a woman writing to her dead husband who never gets them. There are downfalls with that though, such as the fact that if my husband was never able to respond then I would eventually be like, "what the heck?" because if you're alive in the military at some point in that year you're going to be able to respond. I have a couple of suggestions for that and if you'd like to know them, I'd love to message you them. I wouldn't want to give anything away that pertinent to the story...possibly.
I think you have something going here and I can't wait to see where you go with it. Maybe you have twists up your sleeves. Thanks so much for sharing and I hope to see more from you!
Hello!,
Just a few points
1. Seems rather succinct for a letter being sent to someone at the battle front, especially to one's fiancee. More so, considering the time of year (Christmas and all that). Why is this Kaitlyn person special? She gets a whole mention when none of the friends are even mentioned by name, no family either. Come to think of it, don't most letters start with 'Dear...'
What makes her 'missing' him (?) creepy? Does she stop by every day to talk about him?
Are there going to be more chapters to this? I hope so, because your intro has me buzzing with questions.
Thank you!
It sounds like a child wrote this letter. If this person was really in love with this guy she's writing to, she would probably take more time to write in greater detail. She'd also probably share more of her feelings than what is seen here. If it's been almost a year since this person left, the letter would be longer rather than just a few short sentences. But I do like the premise of the story; it just needs more development.