z

Young Writers Society



The Bonded

by Bookworm


Wellp - my first story. Here goes. As per the 'read this' threads, I won't say anything in a long, drawn-out intro, only that it's a bit short but I'll be adding on to it; I only want to make sure it's going in the right direction... and thanks for reading!

[size=large]The Bonded[/size]

Prologue

Aside from a wafer-thin computer screen and a half-finished mug of coffee, there was nothing on Kate Sevril's desk. She hated it that way. It gave her the vague impression that she was unimportant, that she had no consequence in the world. But then, maybe that wasn't so bad either, she realized. It wasn't like she had much more left to do with her life.

Sighing, she ran her fingers through her blondish-brown (probably greying, though she hadn't bothered to check) hair, and her mind began to drift back through the memories that made her - and the Sevril symbiont - who they were. There were so many. It was like sifting through an endless bowl of rice looking for one odd-colored grain, and yet, Kate loved the process. When she remembered, she was there - and sometimes, she didn't even recognize the memories, old and buried as they were. That made the whole thing better.

Glancing out the star-filled window, she gave another low sigh, and her left hand dropped from her hair to her neck, rubbing the three tiny green ridges just above the base - the Mark of a bonded Avante. Finally, in a low, regretful tone, she spoke, "Computer, open a new file. Encode it to my personal signature, and begin recording." Kate turned to look at the seven or so inch screen, where the word 'Recording...' had appeared in highlighted green.

"Where to start..?" She mused, looking over the computer screen and out the window again. "There are so many things I could say. I could say that I regret what I did; I could say that there was no alternative. I could even say that I - the Kate part of me - wishes I'd never gotten Sevril. But I can't say any of those things... so I will let you make your own judgements, whoever you are, and I'll start from the beginning..."

"Chapter" 1

Ignoring the officers on every corner, a small group of chattering Avante girls strode through the streets, making even the Pinayak birds - who screeched incessantly at the trees, the hovercraft, and everything else - seem quiet. They were so indulged in themselves that they were oblivious to the outside world, and ignored the guards on every streetcorner, the constant drone of the forcefield highwalks connecting the several hundred story buildings and, of course, the Pinayak birds.

As they walked, they seemed to be comparing clothes and pieces of technology, and if you did not know each of them, they would have blended and simply become a faceless crowd. Standing in the middle was Kate Isis. She was slightly taller then the two next to her, and her lighter blonde hair stood out from among the traditional Avante reds and browns.

Still, she seemed to fit in with the others completely, completely absorbed as they were in the Avante's popular culture. None of these girls were over the age of 17, and of course none of them had undergone the Bonding - the process of creating a symbiotic relationship between a humanoid Avante host and a Traint, a tiny, intelligent animal that could not survive well outside of another being. The Avante and Traint had lived like this for years, on their joined homeworlds, with the Traint moving from one host to the next as society changed.

But the Bonding never took place in those younger then 21, so the young generations of the Avante were left to indulge themselves before they faced the idea of a working life: in science and technology, or for the unbonded, a menial, laborious job, with few privileges. Though education facilities existed for all up until the age of 21 and those under 18 were compelled to go to them, only those who were found suitable as a host would ever amount to anything in Avante society.

These ways were facts of life to the chattering younger people, and the system didn't worry them. Though talk of a Rebellion came often and with news of strange attacks and hidden dangers, most people simply turned their back - Kate and her friends were no exception. She didn't have time - not when there were clothes, celebrities, and of course, the opposite gender to worry about.

But then, as the group walked along side a tall office building, a small, beeping red device arched through the air above them, bouncing off part of an outcropping and landing on the building's rooftop. As Kate and her friends watched and pointed with excitement, the little device issued a high-pitched, irritatingly loud whining noise - and the office building's upper areas burst into flames.

------

More to come, hopefully soon. Thanks for reading!


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar


Points: 300
Reviews: 0

Donate
Wed May 21, 2008 1:52 am
Bookworm says...



My apologies for the double-post, but I wanted to keep my comments separate. Heeeerrrreee's part 2!

Chapter 2

The group scattered, trying to avoid small chunks of falling debris. From above, small, green ships began to descend, firing not at the buildings but onto the streets - Government forces. Kate ran towards a small overhang, not really realizing where she was going. It seemed like there were people with phase rifles everywhere - the tense "peace" the city had been keeping had been broken. Out of the corner of her eye, Kate thought she could see another building go up in flames - but suddenly her vision was too cloudy to tell.

"HEY!" A voice came from behind an overturned hovercraft. Kate whirled her head around, almost falling over.

"HEY! Get over here! What'dyou think you're doing?!" The voice came again.

"Wh- where are you?" Kate spun around again. Everything seemed to shake.

From somewhere Kate couldn't see, a pale white arm shot out, grabbing her and pulling her behind the upturned craft. Kate swiveled her head to look over at the arm's owner, and saw a pale, dark-haired women - though she couldn't make out her face; the world was still shaking.

"Are you trying to get yourself killed? I don't have time for this!" The woman peered over the hovercraft, angling what looked like a phase gun over its side.

"No- I don't- I mean... I don't feel..." Kate couldn't think to form words.

"Whatever, just stay down-" The woman fired two shots, then looked back to Kate. "Are you OK?"

"No, I-" Kate struggled, gasping the words out, "I- can't... breathe."

"What? Dammit! You - get me an oxidizer. From the security pack, over there-" Kate could no longer see the woman, only hear here. Suddenly, two louder, deeper shots rang out, followed by a scream. The voices around her became more frantic. One, a man, screamed, "Trellis! We have to get out of here- Fall back, fall back!" The sounds faded, and Kate's mind went blank.

------------------------

West Ceria Medical Facility wasn't prepared. Its staff was about 50 doctors and an assortment of other personnel, not nearly enough to handle the full-scale assault taking place just outside its doors. Nobody knew what was happening; all the Government comm channels - and even some of the less aboveground ones - were dead. All the staff at the Facility knew was that people were being hurt, and they had to help however they could. It was their moment of triumph, in a way - not that you could really help someone with a phase burn.

Still, the staff did whatever they could - but with no way of contacting the rest of the city, there was only so much they could do. In the crowded - but very pleasantly lit - urgencies room, two doctors of symbiosis peered over the body of Trellis Sevril. One bent down, and felt just below the ridges on her neck, for a pulse. There was only one beat - a slow, steady one. The heartbeat of the symbiont. The other pulse, which should have come from Trellis herself, was nonexistent.

"There's nothing we can do for her." The first doctor's colleague agreed, looking up from a series of monitors attached to Trellis' biobed, where he had been studying the same statistics. "We have to remove the symbiont - I'll see about getting a temporary habitat setup."

"We don't have time. Are there any candidates for bonding in the building?" There was a tremor in the man's voice - not for the woman, but for the symbiont inside her. According to Avante tradition (and law), there was nothing more important.

The second doctor bent down to consult his screen again, keying in several commands. But, before he could enter anything, an aide tapped him on the shoulder.

"We've got another one - female, 17 years old, unconscious. No sign of any form of external wound; it seems she's suffering from some sort of neurological breakdown... perhaps something brought on by trauma?" The aide thought it would be impressive (and maybe promotion-worthy) to mention his first impression to his superiors.

The two moved towards the new arrival - Kate. After taking a quick look at her vitals, the first doctor keyed something into a pad and handed it to the aide. "Search for any of these gene sequences. Stop at the first one you find." There was no time for lots of tests, so he skipped to the most useful one.

The aide nodded, and started working. A few moments passed, and the doctor was about to move on to the next patient when the aide looked up, "She has Frenn's Syndrome. The shock from the explosion must've activated it. Unless she's bonded immediately, she might not regain higher brain functions. Sir, she is on the young side, but-"

The doctor had already come to a decision. Motioning to his colleague, he said, "Prepare to transplant that symbiont. We've found a host."
------
Please R&R! Thankies!




User avatar


Points: 300
Reviews: 0

Donate
Tue May 20, 2008 10:16 pm
Bookworm says...



Yea, explosions are FUN.

And that's alll I have to say about that...

Second part coming in like an hour :D




User avatar
33 Reviews


Points: 1290
Reviews: 33

Donate
Tue May 20, 2008 10:13 pm
Made_In_Demise wrote a review...



Very nicely written. I actually really liked the prologue. It really got my attention and so far, chapter one looks very promising. Good cliffhanger-thing at the end...because, you know, everyone loves a good explosion.

Dying to read more now. ;) Anyway, good luck with your writing.

-MID




User avatar


Points: 300
Reviews: 0

Donate
Tue May 20, 2008 9:24 pm
Bookworm says...



Ha ha ha. You're not crazy. I'm crazy. Ha ha ha. And it's because you have. The idea came from the Trill from Star Trek, but as you'll see, these symbionts are quite different.

For one thing, they don't swim in greenish-grey goo all the time, while tended by annoying overseers. Except the crazy ones. Like me. Ha ha ha.




User avatar
8 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 8

Donate
Tue May 20, 2008 6:38 pm
tensazangetsu329 wrote a review...



I like a type of futuristic type of story. But I think I heard that plot before...animals unable to live outside of a host. Oh well. It was a good use of words and situations. I hope you come out with more sooner or later.
Though it is really getting to me that I think I've heard that story before. Maybe I'm just nuts. then again. That is a possibly.Ha ha ha. Good Luck!




User avatar


Points: 300
Reviews: 0

Donate
Tue May 20, 2008 2:21 pm
Bookworm says...



Hey all, thanks for reading.

I was fairly sure I ran it through my spell-checker, but I'll do so again and edit my posts. A second 'chapter' is forthcoming.

I'm a bit of a detail freak, but I see what you mean about being subtle (YES I DO). Hopefully this next chapter will have a bit more depth to it (I'll probably go back and revise the first one at a later date).




User avatar
118 Reviews


Points: 2374
Reviews: 118

Donate
Tue May 20, 2008 11:37 am
myfreindsavamp wrote a review...



[quote="Adam_Atlantian"]
It has a nice feel to it. I like the prologue, it sets the mood really well for this story so far. I would like to see some more showing though, you really tell the reader a lot and it might be better to kind of spread it out and make it not so obvious and just let your subtle words paint the picture. [quote]

Spelling is a must here bookworm. I should know from experience....

It doesn't very catch me but I'll read more if you get anymore out for us.

pm me when you do.
Bye :)




User avatar
647 Reviews


Points: 9022
Reviews: 647

Donate
Tue May 20, 2008 3:53 am
Alteran wrote a review...



Bookworm wrote:
"Where to start..?" She mused, looking over the computer screen and out the window again. "There are so many things I could say. I could say that I regret what I did; I could say that there was no alternative. I could even say that I - the Kate part of me - wishes I'd never gotten Sevril. But I can't say any of those things... so I will let you make your own [s]judgements[/s]judgments, whoever you are, and I'll start from the beginning..."


Bookworm wrote:Ignoring the officers on every corner, a small group of chattering Avante girls strode through the streets, making even the Pinayak birds - who screeched incessantly at the trees, the hovercraft, and everything else - seem quiet. They were so indulged in themselves that they were oblivious to the outside world, and ignored the guards on every streetcorner,You said that already the constant drone of the forcefield highwalks connecting the several hundred story buildings and, of course, the Pinayak birds.



Bookworm wrote:These [s]ways[/s] were facts of life to the chattering younger people, and the system didn't worry them. Though talk of a Rebellion came often and with news of strange attacks and hidden dangers, most people simply turned their back - Kate and her friends were no exception. She didn't have time - not when there were clothes, celebrities, and of course, the opposite gender to worry about.

But then, as the group walked along side a tall office building, a small, beeping red device [s]arked[/s]arched through the air above them, bouncing off part of an outcropping and landing on the building's rooftop. As Kate and her friends watched and pointed with excitement, the little device issued a high-pitched, irritatingly loud whining noise - and the office building's upper areas burst into flames.


It has a nice feel to it. I like the prologue, it sets the mood really well for this story so far. I would like to see some more showing though, you really tell the reader a lot and it might be better to kind of spread it out and make it not so obvious and just let your subtle words paint the picture.

I am very curious about this bond between the two species. I am hoping you can go into a better detail later. It was a bit lacking here, but as it is the first chapter you really want to hook the reader and you did a good job of that.

I think it is a nice start, just work on your showing rather than telling and keep an eye on your spelling. Otherwise a very nice enjoyable read.





Just think happy thoughts and you'll fly.
— Peter Pan